


As a White Knight on His Steed

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Series: White Knight [1]
Category: CrissColfer - Fandom, Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-07 03:04:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 52,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darren and Chris met as kids at camp. Now they’re back as riding instructors. A lot can change in ten years, but some things never do…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ride 'Em Cowboy Ranch Camp

**Author's Note:**

> For the purposes of this fiction, Chris was born on May 27, 1990 (his actual birthday) and Darren was born on February 5 of that same year, making him three months older than Chris rather than three years older.

July 1998

 

“Wake up, Chris, we’re almost there.”

 

Chris blinked his eyes open and looked out the window of the car as his dad turned onto a dirt road.  A large wooden sign read “Welcome to Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp.”  Underneath it were several smaller signs – “Private Drive” “Speed Limit 10” “Caution – Horses Crossing”. 

 

Gazing up at the towering redwoods that lined the road, Chris felt a mixture of excitement and trepidation about what the next two weeks would bring.  Would he miss his family?  Would he make friends?  Would he fall off his horse?

 

Years later, when Chris looked back on his 8-year-old self, that first week at camp all seemed like a blur.  Yes, he had missed his family, but not too badly.  Yes, he had made friends, but no one who he thought about much once the week was over.  And no, he hadn’t fallen off his horse, though he’d come pretty close a couple of times.

 

It wasn’t until his second week at Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp that Chris’s life changed forever.

 

 

Since he was the only one from Shetland Cabin who was staying on for another week, Chris had spent the weekend with the handful of older boys who had remained at camp.  They had been friendly enough, but Chris didn’t feel like he really fit in.  As Sunday afternoon approached, he was looking forward to meeting the other boys his age who would be moving into his cabin.

 

Chris was sitting on his lower bunk when a little boy with curly hair and a big smile burst through the door and bounded over to him.  “Hi!  Can I have the top bunk?” the boy asked.

 

“Um, sure,” Chris said.

 

“Darren, honey, it’s polite to introduce yourself first,” said a woman’s voice.  Chris looked behind the new boy and saw a man and a woman whom he assumed to be the boy’s parents.

 

“Oh, sorry,” said the boy, holding out his hand.  “I’m Darren.  What’s your name?”

 

“Chris.”

 

Darren grabbed Chris’s hand and shook it solemnly, looking back at his parents for approval.  Then he grinned at Chris and said, “Hey, is your last name Darren?”

 

Chris shook his head in bewilderment.

 

“Too bad,” Darren said.  “Cause my last name’s Criss.  That would have been totally awesome if your name was Chris Darren, since my name’s Darren Criss.  We’d be like name brothers.  But we can still be bunk brothers, since you’re gonna let me share your bunk, right?”

 

“Right,” said Chris, smiling back.

 

“Cool.  Hey, where are your parents?”

 

“They’re at home with my little sister.  My dad brought me up last weekend, and my mom’s coming to pick me up next weekend.”

 

“Wow – so that mean’s you’ve already been here a week?  You must know everything!  Can you show me around?”

 

Chris looked over to Matthew, the counselor, who’d been sitting quietly on his own bunk watching the whole exchange.  “Can I?” he asked.

 

“Well, I have to stay here to wait for the other campers.  But if Darren’s parents don’t mind keeping an eye on you, then it’s okay with me.”

 

“We’d be happy to have Chris give us a tour,” Darren’s father told Matthew.

 

“Great!” said Darren, grabbing Chris’s hand again and pulling him to his feet.  “I can’t wait to see the horses!”

 

That was the start of the best week of Chris’s young life.  Darren’s enthusiasm was contagious.  And the way Darren looked up to him as someone who already knew the ins and outs of camp life gave Chris a sense of pride he’d never felt before.

 

Chris began his tour by taking Darren and his parents to the corral.  “These are just the horses the counselors and instructors ride,” he explained.  “Most of the camp horses are out in pasture ‘til tomorrow.  That’s when you’ll get matched up with your own horse for the week.”

 

“Are they all this big?” asked Darren, sounding a little worried. 

 

“No, there are some ponies, too.  But just because we’re the youngest campers doesn’t mean we’ll get matched up with the ponies.  Some of those ponies can be harder to control than the bigger horses.  Last week I rode Clarence, and he’s one of the biggest horses here, but he’s really easy to ride because he’s really good and always did whatever I asked him to do.  And he never stepped on my foot, which some of those ponies were doing to the other boys.”

 

“Did their feet get broken?” Daren asked, now sounding more than just a little worried.

 

“No, just bruised a little.  Don’t worry, I’ll show you how to work around your horse to make sure you don’t get stepped on.”

 

Darren smiled at him gratefully, and Chris’s heart gave a funny little lurch.

 

“Come on,” Chris said, tugging at Darren’s hand, which he realized with surprise was still held in his own.  “Let’s go over to the pavilion.  I bet it’s almost time for Uncle Mike to give his welcome speech.”

 

“Your uncle works here?” asked Darren, impressed.

 

“No, he’s not really my uncle.  He just wants everyone here to call him Uncle Mike, ‘cause he says we’re all like one big family.  I guess he’s kind of like the boss, but he’s really cool.”

 

Chris led Darren and his parents to the pavilion, where they found seats at a picnic table near the front.  Even after they sat down, Darren kept hold of Chris’s hand.  Chris found himself thinking more about his new friend than about the words Uncle Mike was saying, or the counselors and instructors he was introducing.  When Darren finally let go of his hand to clap along with everyone else, Chris was surprised to find that the presentation was over.

 

All around, boys were saying goodbye to their parents.  Darren hugged his dad, then his mom.  Chris didn’t realize he looked sad until Darren turned to him with a concerned expression.

 

“It kind of sucks that you don’t have someone to hug goodbye, huh?  But guess what’s even better?  You can hug me, and then not even have to say goodbye,” Darren said, throwing his arms around Chris and holding on tightly.

 

Chris was taken aback for a moment.  He wasn’t used to being hugged by other boys.  But in a moment he relaxed against Darren, squeezing back.

 

“Thanks,” Chris said, when they finally broke apart.

 

“That’s what friends are for, right?” Darren replied with a grin.   

 

 

For the rest of the week, Chris and Darren were inseparable.  Whatever they were doing – riding, eating, singing songs around the campfire – they were always together.  By the time Saturday rolled around, it came as a shock to Chris to realize that he and Darren were about to go their separate ways.

 

When their parents arrived to pick them up, both boys immediately began pleading to be allowed to come back the following year for the entire summer.  After much negotiation, and promises ranging from keeping their rooms clean, to eating all of their vegetables, to completing their homework without complaining, they convinced their parents to register them for three weeks of camp together the following summer.

 

With promises to write to each other, one last hug, and a few tears, Chris and Darren finally said goodbye.


	2. "I can't wait for next summer!"

1998 - 1999

 

Chris discovered that he enjoyed having Darren as a pen pal.  Of course, it wasn’t the same as being together, but Chris found that he really liked writing to Darren, and he always looked forward to receiving Darren’s letters in return. 

 

All throughout third grade, the boys wrote to each other every week.  In his letters, Chris told Darren about things he didn’t feel like he could discuss with anyone else.  He wrote about his mixed feelings about his little sister Hannah – how much he loved her, how worried he was because she was sick, how jealous he sometimes felt about the way she took so much of his parents’ attention, and how guilty he felt about being jealous. 

 

Darren’s responses always made Chris feel better.  Somehow, Darren seemed to understand him and to believe that he was a good person, which helped Chris to believe it, too.

 

As summer drew near, the boys’ letters began to be filled with their hopes and dreams about camp.  The days seemed to drag by, but finally July arrived. 

 

This year, it was Chris’s mom who would be driving him to camp, and his dad who would be picking him up.  That Sunday morning, Chris woke up early, feeling like it was Christmas.  He tried to be patient, but by 9:00 he couldn’t help asking his mom, “Can we leave yet?”

 

“Chris, honey, the registration packet says you’re supposed to arrive between 3 and 4 o’clock.  It takes three hours to drive there, so if we leave right after lunch we’ll have plenty of time.”

 

“After lunch?!  Mom!  I’m already packed.  Can’t we just go now?”

 

“I know you’re excited, but you and Darren have been apart for almost a year.  Another couple of hours won’t kill you.”

 

“But Mom -”

 

“Christopher, I said we’re leaving after lunch.”

 

Chris could tell there was no point in arguing, so he changed tactics.  Although he usually ate at noon, by quarter to eleven he approached his mom with, “I’m starving.  What are we having for lunch?”

 

With a knowing look, his mom answered, “Well, if you’re that hungry, I guess we could have lunch a little early today.  How does tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich sound?”

 

“Great!  Thanks, Mom.”

 

 

When they finally reached Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp (20 minutes before the registration tables were due to open) Chris was disappointed to see that there were no other cars in the visitors’ lot.  Noticing the look on his face, his mom said, “Honey, I told you we were going to be early.  The other campers will be arriving between 3 and 4 like they’re supposed to.”

 

At that moment, another car pulled into the lot.  Before the driver had even switched off the engine, a rear door opened and Darren flew out. 

 

Chris felt suddenly shy.  Subconsciously, he’d been expecting Darren to look exactly the same as he had last summer.  He hadn’t thought about the fact that Darren would look older.  He wondered if he looked different to Darren, too.

 

Darren apparently felt none of Chris’s hesitation or self-consciousness.  He raced over and threw his arms around Chris with a whoop of delight.  In an instant, all of Chris’s reserve melted away.  Here was his best friend, and they were back together at last.

 

 

Chris and Darren quickly fell back into their old closeness, spending all of their time together.  Darren often held Chris’s hand as they were walking around camp or sitting in front of the campfire, and after an initial burst of self-consciousness, Chris found that it just felt natural to have Darren’s hand in his. 

 

Everyone seemed to take their relationship as best friends at face value, until a new boy arrived at the start of their second week.  His name was Max, he was 12 years old, and this was his first summer at Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp.  This meant that although he was in Shire Cabin with the oldest boys, he was assigned to the beginners riding group along with Darren and Chris.

 

On Monday, when Max complained about being with the “little kids,” one of their riding instructors, David, explained how the system worked.  In order to move from the beginners group – Level One – to the intermediate group – Level Two – campers had to pass three tests set by the Certified Horsemanship Association.  These included a written test of knowledge about horses, a test of horsemanship skills such as grooming and tacking a horse, and a riding test.  David explained that it generally took from four to eight weeks at camp for boys to reach the level of skill needed to pass all three tests, which was why the riding groups were based on ability rather than on age.

 

Max said he understood, but Chris could sense that he still felt resentful.  Max’s resentment only seemed to increase when he noticed how much more skillful Chris and Darren were with the horses than he was himself.  Darren’s attempt to make him feel better by letting him know that this was Chris’s fourth week at camp and his own third week, and that everything would get easier once he’d been there a little longer, only seemed to make him angrier.

 

All the rest of that day, Chris could feel Max glaring at him and Darren.  The situation came to a head on Tuesday morning.  As Chris and Darren walked hand-in-hand toward the pavilion for their “Horse Sense” class, Max sneered, “Why do you have to be so gay?”

 

Before either of the boys could react, Andrew, their instructor, stepped in.  He gently but firmly took hold of Max’s shoulder and said, “The primary value of this camp is respect.  Now, ‘gay’ is not a bad word, and being gay is not a bad thing.  But when you call someone ‘gay’ with a scornful tone of voice, you are using the word as an insult.  That is not something that we tolerate here.  I would like you to apologize to Darren and Chris.”

 

“Sorry,” Max mumbled.

 

“That’s okay,” said Darren, smiling at Max.  Chris nodded his head in acknowledgement, but he still felt uneasy.  He wished he could be as carefree as Darren, but something told him that this was not over.

 

Unfortunately, Chris was proven correct later that day.  As he and Darren walked toward the hitching post, holding hands as usual, Max came up behind them and snarled, “Since I’m not supposed to call you ‘gay’ I should just call you what you are – a couple of little fags!”

 

Chris and Darren turned to face him, looks of shock on both of their faces.  Just then one of the horsemanship instructors, Robert, popped up from where he’d been hidden behind a horse, picking a stone out of its hoof.  Chris had never seen such a serious look on Robert’s face.  Apparently Max could tell that Robert meant business, because he followed meekly along when Robert said he was taking him to see Uncle Mike.

 

By now the other boys were beginning to gather around them, and Chris felt as though he might cry.  He struggled to hold in his tears as Darren wrapped him in a tight hug.  He felt embarrassed and ashamed, as though he, and not Max, had been the one to do something wrong.

 

It took a moment for the strange roaring in Chris’s ears to die down enough that he could make out what the individual voices around him were saying.

 

“That was so mean!”

 

“I can’t believe Max was so rude!”

 

“Don’t pay any attention to him.”

 

“He’s just mad because you’re both better riders than he is.”

 

“Yeah, and he’s jealous because he doesn’t have a best friend here.”

 

“Don’t listen to him!”

 

Chris felt a rush of affection for the other boys, some of whom were his friends, but most of whom he’d only known for a couple of days.  The sense of support, and the righteous indignation they were expressing on his and Darren’s behalf, banished his feelings of embarrassment and shame. 

 

Giving Darren one last squeeze before he let go, Chris turned to the gathered crowd.  “Thanks, guys,” he said.  “Now let’s go get our horses so we’re not late for our trail ride.”

 

 

Chris didn’t see Max again that day.  Not only did the older boy miss the trail ride, but he wasn’t at dinner or the evening campfire, either. 

 

Wednesday morning, as Chris and Darren were walking to breakfast, Max approached them.  “Hey, guys,” he said, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

 

Chris felt a little nervous, but Darren squeezed his hand and turned to Max.  “Sure,” he said.

 

“I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry about yesterday,” Max said.  “I had a long talk with Uncle Mike and Aunt Lisa, and they helped open my eyes.  I know that what I said wasn’t cool, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”

 

“Of course,” said Darren, smiling at Max.

 

Chris still felt a little skeptical, but Max sounded sincere, so he gave Max a tentative smile as well.

 

Chris never found out exactly what Uncle Mike and Aunt Lisa had said to Max during the long afternoon and evening that he was separated from the other campers, but whatever it was, it seemed to completely change his attitude.  For the rest of that week, he went out of his way to be friendly toward Chris and Darren.

 

On Thursday evening, Max came up to the boys after dinner and said, “Hey, you guys look upset.  Is anything wrong?”

 

“David told me I’ve been doing really well in riding lessons,” Chris sighed, “And I’ll probably be able to pass my riding test tomorrow.”

 

“But that’s great,” said Max.  “So what’s the problem?”

 

“The problem,” explained Darren, “Is that this is Chris’s fourth week of camp, but only my third week.  I’m not a good enough rider yet to pass on to the next level.  And if Chris passes and I don’t, then next week, even though we’ll both still be here, we won’t be in any of the same classes.”

 

“Well, why don’t you just fail the riding test on purpose, Chris?” Max suggested.

 

Chris thought about it for a moment, then shook his head.  “I couldn’t do that to my horse,” he said.  “In order to fail, I’d have to purposely ride badly, and that wouldn’t be fair to him.”

 

“What about the written test?” Max asked.  “Could you purposely fail that?”

 

Chris smiled.  “Yeah, that’s a great idea.  Thanks, Max!”

 

 

The following week, Chris and Darren were still in the beginners riding group together.  They worked hard in all of their classes, and by they end of the week they were confident that both would be able to pass.

 

When Uncle Mike handed them their official Certified Horsemanship Association certificates, Chris and Darren beamed at each other.  “We did it!” Darren cheered, hugging Chris.  “I can’t wait for next summer!”


	3. Their Own Private Little Space

Summer 2000

 

The summer when they were ten, Chris and Darren spent six weeks together at Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp.  Chris had been surprised at how easily his parents had agreed to the longer stay.  Part of him wondered whether they felt guilty about how little attention they’d been giving him since Hannah had been so sick, and part of him worried that maybe they wanted him out of the way so they could focus completely on his little sister, but mostly Chris was just thankful to have six whole weeks with Darren.

 

Their first night back at camp, Chris showed Darren a book he’d received for his birthday the month before.  “It’s so magical, and at the same time it seems so real,” he enthused.  “You **have** to read it!”

 

“I don’t want to spend my summer reading,” Darren said.  “I want to spend my summer with **you**.”

 

“Well, what if we read it together?  We could take turns reading out loud to each other before bed.”

 

“Okay,” Darren agreed, “but you have to read first.”

 

“Deal,” said Chris, sitting up at the head of his bunk and leaning his back against the wall.  Darren lay down and put his head in Chris’s lap as Chris opened _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone_ and began to read.

 

That was the beginning of a nightly ritual for the two boys.  Every evening, after they returned from the campfire, Chris and Darren would volunteer to be the first ones in their cabin to shower and change into their pajamas.  While the other campers always seemed to want to put off getting ready for bed as long as possible, Chris and Darren were happy to get clean, comfy, and cuddled up together with a good book.

 

After the first night, when they kept being interrupted by the other boys, Chris and Darren devised a way to block out distractions.  They’d unzip Darren’s sleeping bag and hang it from his top bunk, creating their own private little space in Chris’s bottom bunk.  Then, with the help of the “itty-bitty book light” Chris’s mother had given him, they would take turns reading to each other until their counselor called for lights-out.

 

Halfway through their first week, Chris did the math and realized that they needed to slow down if they wanted to make their book last through the summer.  After that, they began rationing themselves to six or seven pages a night, depending on where they could find a good stopping place.  Then they’d spend the rest of the time until lights-out discussing the story.

 

Chris liked to create back-story for the characters.  He could spend hours wondering why Snape was so mean, or what Ron’s and Hermione’s lives had been like before they came to Hogwarts.  Darren, on the other hand, never having read the book before, tended to speculate about what might happen next.  No matter how much he pleaded, however, Chris would never spoil the story by giving him any hints.

 

On evenings when it was Chris’s turn to read, after he put the book aside, he would unconsciously begin running his fingers through Darren’s soft curls as Darren lay with his head in Chris’s lap.  Sometimes Darren would close his eyes, and Chris would almost wonder whether he had fallen asleep, until he’d hear Darren’s hum of acknowledgement for one of his theories.

 

 When it was Darren’s turn to read, he would hold the book in one hand (quite a feat, considering that it was a 300 page hardback) and pet through Chris’s hair as he read.  Then, when he’d finished reading, he would scoot down on the bed to lie next to Chris, draping one arm casually around Chris’s waist or across his chest as they talked.

 

Those evenings were Chris’s favorites.  Though Chris could never bring himself to be bold enough to snuggle down beside Darren on the bed after his own turn to read, he loved how uninhibited Darren was with physical affection. 

 

With Darren pressed up against him in the dark (the itty-bitty book light having been switched off to save the battery, and Darren’s sleeping bag effectively blocking the light from the room) Chris found it difficult to concentrate on their conversation.  Instead, he made non-committal noises while he focused on the rise and fall of Darren’s breath, wondering whether Darren could hear his heart beating in his chest.

 

It was with a mixture of relief and disappointment that Chris would hear their counselor’s warning of  “Five minutes ‘til lights-out.”  That would be their signal to sit up and move away from each other on the bed, knowing that Darren’s sleeping bag was about to be pulled down and unceremoniously tossed back onto his top bunk.  Darren would clamber up after it, reaching down to give Chris’s hand one final squeeze.

 

When the lights went out, Chris would find himself alone in his bunk, missing the warmth of Darren beside him.  He was glad for the physical exhaustion that came from days spent riding and working with the horses.  He suspected that if he hadn’t been so dead-tired at the end of each day, he would have spent his nights lying awake, thinking about the confusing feelings he was having for his best friend.   


	4. "I'm afraid I'm losing you."

Summer 2001

 

Although Chris sometimes felt that he and Darren had spent the previous summer more focused on Harry Potter than on horses, they had both managed to pass all of the intermediate tests by the end of their sixth week.  Now, they would be in the advanced riding group, and, what was even better, they were both signed up for the entire 9-week summer camp session.

 

The first week of camp, Chris recognized most of the boys in their riding group from previous summers, even if he wasn’t actually friends with any of them.  If he was being honest with himself, Chris couldn’t say he had made any real friends at camp, other than Darren. 

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the other boys, or that they didn’t like him.  Everyone was friendly and accepting, and Chris felt more comfortable being himself at camp than he ever did around his peers at school.  It was just that everything Chris needed in a friend – emotional support, physical closeness, interesting conversation, someone to laugh and goof around with – he had found in Darren.  Chris had never felt the need to look any further.

 

Darren was naturally more outgoing than Chris.  He seemed to form an easy, almost instant friendship with everyone he met.  This had never bothered Chris, because Darren always made it perfectly clear that Chris was his **best** friend.  While Darren might talk and laugh with the other boys, he had never shown any interest in sharing the same closeness with anyone else that he had with Chris.

 

That all changed when Harry showed up in their riding group. 

 

Harry was a year older than Chris and Darren.  He had been around during a few of the same weeks as they had in previous summers, but this was the first time the three of them were in the same group.  Chris vaguely remembered him as an easy-going, friendly boy.

 

Harry had already spent three weeks in the advanced group the previous summer, and so it made sense that he was able to do things that the other boys could not.  During their first riding lesson, Chris noticed that Darren couldn’t take his eyes off of Harry, watching in awe as the older boy effortlessly guided his horse through flying lead changes.  Chris was impressed as well, of course, but something bothered him about the way Darren was looking at Harry.

 

Later, as they un-tacked their horses, Darren gushed to Chris, “Isn’t Harry amazing?  It’s so awesome how he makes everything look so easy.  I wonder if he could give us any pointers?”

 

Chris grunted as he heaved his saddle onto the rack with a little more force than necessary.  “Yeah, he’s a really good rider,” he said flatly.

 

Darren didn’t seem to notice Chris’s lack of interest in discussing the older boy.  He went on and on, praising Harry’s skill, his confidence, even commenting on how good he looked in the saddle, with his long legs and graceful posture.

 

Chris tried to respond appropriately to everything Darren was saying, but inside he was feeling smaller and smaller.  Harry was a more experienced rider, Harry was older, Harry was taller, and all Chris heard coming out of Darren’s mouth was that Harry was **better** in every way than Chris.

   

He thought back to when he and Darren had first met.  Then, it had been Chris who was the more experienced one.  It had been Chris who Darren looked up to.  Was that why Darren had chosen him as a best friend?  And would Darren now transfer that friendship to Harry?

 

Lost in his own unhappy thoughts, Chris almost didn’t notice when Harry came up and joined them as they walked toward the pavilion for their Horse Sense class.  Darren certainly noticed, however.  He immediately gave Harry a warm greeting, and began complimenting him on his riding skills.

 

Harry modestly shrugged off the praise, commenting that Darren and Chris were both really good, especially considering that this was their first week in the advanced group.

 

“Wow, thanks, man,” Darren exclaimed, “that means so much coming from such an experienced rider!”  Chris glanced over, and he could have sworn that Darren was actually blushing.

 

If Chris thought he couldn’t feel any more jealous, the next instant proved him wrong, as Darren said, “Harry’s such a cool name!  Have you read Harry Potter?”

 

“Only the first book,” Harry replied.  “I just finished it last week, and I can’t wait to read the next one.”

 

“Same here,” said Darren.  “Chris and I just started _The Chamber of Secrets_ last night, and I can already tell that it’s gonna be totally awesome!”       

 

And with that, Darren and Harry were off, comparing notes on the first book, and speculating on what was to come in the second.  Even after they’d reached the pavilion, and were seated at a picnic table awaiting the start of class, Darren and Harry kept up their conversation.  Chris thought about trying to join in, but Darren was turned away from him, facing Harry, and Chris felt as though they had forgotten he was even there.

 

Chris was uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of the day: no witty comments about their lessons, no playful banter as they shoveled manure, no piping up with song requests during the campfire.  By the time they returned to their cabin that evening, Darren was beginning to think that something was wrong.

 

His suspicions were immediately confirmed by Chris’s behavior once they were ensconced behind Darren’s sleeping bag, ready to read Harry Potter.  Since Chris had read to Darren on the previous night, Darren opened the book and waited for Chris to lay his head in his lap, as he had done all through the previous summer.  Chris, however, was sitting stiffly with his back against the wall at the other end of the bed.

 

“C’mere,” Darren said, patting his leg.  “Get comfy so I can read to you.”

 

“I’m comfortable over here,” Chris mumbled, not looking at Darren.

 

Darren immediately closed the book and set it aside.  He scooted over next to Chris and put his arm around the younger boy.  “Hey, Chris,” he said, sounding concerned, “what’s wrong?”

 

Chris said nothing, as his brain waged a frantic internal debate.  Should he tell Darren what was bothering him or not?  On the one hand, they’d always been able to be completely honest with each other, and that was one of the things Chris valued most about their friendship.  On the other hand, if Chris told Darren how he was feeling, Darren might see him as whiny, or controlling, or needy, and maybe not want to be his friend anymore at all.

 

Sensing Chris’s hesitation, Darren squeezed him tightly and said, “C’mon, Chris.  You’re my best friend.  You know you can tell me anything.”

 

It was that “best” that finally convinced Chris to open up.  “I’m afraid I’m losing you,” he whispered, still not looking Darren in the eye.

 

“Chris, wait – what do you mean?” Darren asked, sounding genuinely confused.  “How could you ever lose me?”

 

Speaking quietly, so as not to be overheard by the other boys, Chris stammered, “All day you’ve been talking about how great Harry is, and it seems like maybe you’d rather have him for a best friend instead of me.”

 

“Chris!” Darren cried, shifting on the bed so that he could wrap both of his arms around Chris in a hug.  “You’re my best friend in the whole world!  No one could ever replace you, and I’d never want anyone to.”

 

Chris hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until he felt himself start breathing again at Darren’s words.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured.  “I guess I was just being silly.”

 

“It’s not silly,” Darren replied.  “Everybody feels jealous sometimes.”  Then, after a moment’s pause he added, “And maybe today was reminding you a little bit of how you feel when your parents have so much of their attention focused on your sister.”

 

Chris nodded.  He hadn’t made the connection until Darren brought it up, but now he did recognize that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, that sense of not being important enough.

 

Darren went on, “But even though it might feel the same, this is totally different.  For one thing, Hannah really needs your parents’ attention, but Harry certainly doesn’t need mine, so I can ignore him for the rest of the summer if it will make you feel better.  And, more importantly, your parents love your sister just as much as they love you, but I don’t care about Harry at all compared with how much I care about you.”

 

Chris finally allowed himself to relax into Darren’s embrace.  “Thanks, Dare,” he said.  “I’m so glad you’re my best friend.”


	5. "Were you going to kiss me?"

Summer 2002

 

Of the thirty boys who attended Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp each week, the majority spent only one or two weeks at camp each summer.  This meant that the beginners riding group (Level One) was always the largest, with boys of all ages.  The intermediate group (Level Two) was somewhat smaller, and had mostly older boys.  There were generally only six or eight boys in the advanced group (Level Three) each week, almost all twelve-year-olds.  And it was almost unheard of for anyone to pass all of the Level Three tests and move on to Level Four, the final CHA level.

 

At other horse camps, which served riders from the ages of 8 to 18, having Level Four riders was not uncommon.  At Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp, where the oldest riders were only 12, however, it was so unusual that they didn’t even have a name for this level, or classes to go with it.

 

By their final summer at camp, though, Chris and Darren had managed to do what no other boys had done in over ten years.  Their extended stays each summer, combined with hard work and a fair amount of natural ability, had enabled them both to pass all of the advanced tests at the end of the previous year.  This left them in the unique position of being registered to spend an entire summer at a camp for which they had tested out of all of the available classes.

 

Chris had conveniently neglected to mention this fact to his parents, as had Darren.  In their letters, they planned out how they would spend the summer, completely unsupervised and doing whatever they pleased. 

 

Of course, things didn’t turn out quite like that.

 

The first morning at camp, as the other boys were heading off for their classes, Uncle Mike pulled Chris and Darren aside.  “It’s great to have you back,” he told them warmly, throwing an arm around each boy’s shoulders.  “Now, lets sit down together and figure out what you’re going to do all summer.” 

 

Although slightly lacking in the freedom they’d fantasized about, the plan they came up with suited Chris and Darren quite well.  It was decided that they would still take part in the advanced riding classes and trail rides, to provide models for the other boys and to keep their own skills honed. 

 

During the rest of the day, Chris and Darren would be working with young horses.  Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp bred most of their own horses, and generally had three or four new foals each year.  This meant that they also had three or four young horses of each age – yearlings, two-year-olds, and three-year-olds – who needed to be schooled.

 

When the beginners group had their lessons and trail rides, Chris and Darren would join them, riding the three-year-olds, who had learned to accept riders, but who had never been ridden in a class or on the trail.  At other times, they would help get the foals used to being handled, the yearlings used to standing tied to be groomed, and the two-year-olds used to being saddled, bridled, and led.

 

It seemed as though Uncle Mike had forgotten about the hour a day that each group spent on chores (known to the campers as “poop picking duty”) and Chris had no intention of reminding him.  At the last minute, however, Uncle Mike said, “Since you won’t be with a group for chore time, we’ll need to find you your own chores to do.”

 

Chris groaned.

 

“What do you think about helping with the round-up each morning?” Uncle Mike asked.

 

“Yes!” Chris shouted, at the same time that Darren burst out with, “That would be awesome!”

 

“Now, before you go getting too excited,” Uncle Mike cautioned, “this means that you’ll have to get up extra early every morning except Sundays.”

 

“No problem,” Darren replied quickly, and Chris nodded his assent.

 

 

Although Chris and Darren did find it a little difficult to drag themselves out of bed that first morning, they quickly got used to their new routine.  Chris soon decided that those early morning rides were his favorites.  The gentle light, the fresh morning air, and the quiet (punctuated only by birdsongs and the soft nickering of horses) made his heart feel like it was expanding to cover the whole ranch.

 

The three sets of “horse whisperers” (as the riding, horsemanship, and horse sense instructors were known, to distinguish them from the counselors, who were known as “kid whisperers”) took turns on round-up duty.  None of them bothered with saddles, choosing to spend those precious extra minutes in bed rather than tacking up their horses.  After the first week, Chris and Darren decided that it made more sense to go bareback as well.

 

Each morning, before breakfast, they would head out into the 600-acre pasture in search of the herd.  As soon as they spotted the horses, the four riders would circle around behind and to one side.  Then, at a pre-arranged signal, they would begin whooping and charging at the herd, driving the horses forward and toward the nearest fence line.  Once the herd reached the fence, it was easy to position two riders beside them to hold them together, and two riders behind to keep them moving.  By the time they reached the wide-open gates of the corral, the other horse whisperers would have tossed out enough evenly-spaced flakes of alfalfa to convince the horses that it was worth coming in for breakfast.

 

For the first couple of weeks, the instructors split Chris and Darren up, each adult pairing up with one of the boys to make sure they knew what to do and how to do it safely.  Pretty soon, though, Chris and Darren were able to convince them that they were ready to tackle the job of pushing the horses from behind (the easier task, since the horses were more likely to try to make a break for it by swerving sideways rather than by turning completely around) on their own.

 

Everything went smoothly until one fateful morning late in August.  Chris and Darren were cantering along behind the herd when Darren’s horse suddenly stepped into a nest of ground-dwelling wasps.  The yellow jackets came swarming out, stinging Darren’s horse, who began bucking furiously.  Bareback, with nothing to hang on to, Darren was quickly thrown over his horse’s head, landing on the ground with a hard thud.

 

As his horse raced off after the herd, pursued by the wasps, Darren lay unmoving on the ground.  Chris immediately leapt off of his own horse, pulling the reins over her head in one swift motion and flinging the ends on the ground with a firm command to “Stand.”

 

Chris dashed over to Darren, noting with horror that he appeared to be unconscious.  “Darren!” he cried, kneeling down beside his friend, “Can you hear me?”

 

When there was no response, Chris frantically tried to remember what he’d learned about First Aid and CPR in his sixth-grade health class.  Placing his fingers against Darren’s neck, he was relieved to feel a steady pulse.  However, Darren did not seem to be breathing.

 

Chris couldn’t remember the exact steps for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, but he knew he had to get air into Darren’s lungs.  Bending his head over Darren’s, Chris was just about to bring their lips together when Darren gasped and opened his eyes.

 

“Darren!” Chris cried, throwing his arms around his friend.  “Are you okay?”

 

Darren groaned, then nodded.  “I think so,” he said. Then he gave Chris an unreadable look.  “Were you going to kiss me?”

 

Chris blushed.  “You weren’t breathing,” he explained.  “We learned about rescue breathing in health class, and I thought you needed it.”

 

Several emotions that Chris couldn’t identify seemed to pass quickly over Darren’s face.  “I’m okay,” he said finally.  “I just had the wind knocked out of me.”

 

“Do you think you can get up?” Chris asked.

 

Darren nodded, and Chris helped him to his feet.

 

Looking around, Chris was surprised to discover that, aside from his horse (who, thank heaven, was good about ground-tying, and hadn’t budged from where he’d left her) the boys were alone.  Darren’s horse, fleeing the wasps, had effectively kept the herd moving.  David and Ryan, their riding instructors, wouldn’t notice anything was wrong until they reached the corral.

 

Chris walked back to his horse, praising her effusively for standing still while the other horses disappeared.

 

“Do you think you can ride?” he asked Darren.

 

“Yeah, if you help me get on.”

 

Chris laced his fingers together to make a step for Darren.  Then Darren helped to pull Chris up behind him.

 

Together, the boys rode slowly back toward camp.  They had never ridden double before, and Chris wasn’t sure how he felt about doing so now.  His brain was filled with worries (did Darren have any broken bones? should Chris not have moved him?) while his body was reacting in unexpected ways to the feeling of Darren’s body pressed flush against his, shifting with each movement of their horse.

 

Chris was saved from what he was sure was about to be certain death from spontaneous combustion by the arrival of David and Ryan, both of whom looked relieved to see the boys.  Sliding down from his horse with a mixture of relief and regret, Chris walked over to explain the situation.

 

While Ryan rode back to camp with Darren, David asked Chris to show him the location of the wasp’s nest, so that he could come back to take care of it later.  Riding double behind David, Chris couldn’t help but notice how different it felt than riding double with Darren.  Sitting behind Darren had felt so much better, and at the same time, so much more disturbing.  Was it normal to feel this way about your best friend?

 

Although the thought had never crossed his mind before, Darren’s question – “Were you going to kiss me?” – kept running through Chris’s head.

 

The remainder of that week – their final week of camp for the summer – their final week of camp forever – was torture for Chris.  His feelings about Darren were so confusing.  Chris felt like a frayed rope in the midst of a three-way tug-of-war between his heart and his head and his body.

   

It was almost with relief, therefore, that Chris finally said goodbye to Darren, not knowing if he’d ever see his best friend again.


	6. Less Frequent and More Superficial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the kind of necessary short chapter that in a Disney film would be accomplished by playing a song while showing clips of the main characters growing older…

2002 – 2008

 

For six years after their final summer at camp, Chris and Darren communicated only through letters.  Chris had always enjoyed having Darren as a pen pal, and he still eagerly looked forward to every letter he received.  In his own letters, however, Chris was much more guarded than he used to be about what he shared. 

 

Chris wrote to Darren about familiar topics, like his sister’s ongoing struggles with epilepsy, or about positive events in his life, like being cast in community theater productions.  There were many things he left out, though. 

 

Although he came out to Darren almost as soon as he came out to himself, Chris never wrote a word about the more-than-just-friendly feelings he had for his best friend.  And he glossed over the bullying he experienced at school, never mentioning that it had gotten to the point where his parents pulled him out and home-schooled him for a year and a half.

 

As the years went by, and the strain of censoring himself grew, Chris’s letters to Darren became less frequent and more superficial.  At first, Darren kept on writing just as often as ever, sending two, then three, then four letters for every one he got from Chris.  But eventually he seemed to give up, and only wrote to Chris as often (or, to be more accurate, as rarely) as Chris wrote to him. 

 

 

In the spring of his senior year, Chris got a letter in the mail with a return address that he’d never expected to see again – Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp.  Inside the envelope, he found a glossy new brochure and a letter from his old riding instructors, David and Ryan.   

 

The letter explained that Aunt Lisa had finally persuaded Uncle Mike to retire, and that David and Ryan had purchased the camp.  They went on to say that, since they would now be busy managing things, they would need to hire two new riding instructors.  They were hoping that Chris and Darren would take the jobs.

 

Chris was overjoyed.  He had brief flashes of concern about what it would mean to see Darren again after all these years, but he pushed them aside with visions of his dream job.  Compared with working at the dry cleaners all summer, which is what he’d been planning on doing, this would be heaven.


	7. "I've missed you"

Sunday, June 8, 2008

 

Driving toward Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp in the car that he’d received as a gift for his high school graduation, Chris couldn’t tell whether he felt more nervous or excited.  This was the first time he’d be back at camp in nearly six years.  More importantly, it was the first time he’d be seeing Darren.

 

Chris tried to keep his feelings in perspective.  Yes, Darren had been the best friend he’d ever had, but that had been a long time ago.  They’d been children the last time they’d seen each other, and now they were both 18 – legally adults, even if Chris still had a hard time wrapping his head around that fact.  They were two totally different people now, and he couldn’t expect to have the same kind of relationship with Darren that they’d shared during those childhood summers.

 

Over the years, Chris had become very adept at concealing his feelings, even from himself.  He hid behind a biting wit and an aloof attitude, channeling all of his energy into a drive to be successful with his writing, his acting, his speech and debate club.  Now, Chris felt like the best thing he could do was to keep Darren at a comfortable distance so that they could work together smoothly this summer.   

 

Following David’s directions, Chris drove slowly along the camp’s dirt road, then turned off onto an even narrower dirt track that led to the secluded bunkhouse he’d be sharing with Darren.  Parking next to another car, Chris figured Darren must have already arrived.

 

Chris had barely gotten out of his car when Darren came flying out of the bunkhouse and threw his arms around him.  “Chris!” he cried.  “You made it!  It’s so great to see you, man!”

 

Chris stood stiffly in Darren’s arms for a moment.  It had been so many years since he’d been hugged by another boy that he didn’t know how to react.  Come to think of it, it had been nearly six years, and the other boy had been Darren.

 

As Darren squeezed him tighter, saying, “I can’t believe you’re really here.  Man, I’ve missed you!” Chris tentatively returned the hug, then quickly stepped back.

 

“Come on inside,” Darren said, beaming at Chris.  “It’s kind of small, but we’ve got the whole place to ourselves.  This is gonna be totally awesome!”

 

Chris followed Darren into the bunkhouse.  Aside from the requisite twin-sized bunk bed, there were two dressers, two desks, and an open door leading to the bathroom.  “I put my stuff on the top bunk for old time’s sake,” Darren said.  “But I’ll switch if you want.”

 

“No, that’s fine,” Chris said, realizing with a start that these were the first words he’d spoken to Darren.  “I’m used to being on the bottom.”

 

Darren looked at him closely.  “Are you okay?” he asked.  “You seem tired, or something.  I know it’s a lot longer drive from Clovis than from San Francisco.  Do you wanna take a nap?”

 

“No, I’m okay,” Chris replied, making an effort to smile. 

 

“The rest of the summer staff won’t be arriving ‘til later,” Darren said.  “David and Ryan told me they left a few horses in the corral, if we wanna go for a ride.  What do you think?”

 

“Sure.  Just give me a minute to bring my stuff in from the car and go to the bathroom.”

 

 

Fifteen minutes later, Chris and Darren were walking along the once-familiar path to the corral.  Darren kept up a steady stream of excited chatter.

 

As they neared the fence, Chris’s eyes were drawn to two of the horses – a bright chestnut and a golden palomino.  He thought he recognized them as two of the young horses he and Darren had worked with during their final summer at camp.  “Is that Copper and Nugget?” he asked.

 

“Sure looks like them,” Darren answered, getting a scoop of grain from the barrel and opening the gate so that he and Chris could enter the corral.

 

Chris noticed the way Darren’s energy immediately shifted as he approached the horses.  His almost manic giddiness was replaced with a calm, gentle confidence.  He shook the bucket slightly, causing the grain to rustle enticingly, and the horses pricked their ears and ambled over.

 

Chris took a handful of grain from the bucket, allowing Nugget to nibble it gently from his flat palm before haltering the gelding.  He passed a second halter to Darren, who placed it on Copper.  Then they led the horses out of the corral and over to the hitching post.

 

Chris felt his tension ease as he and Darren groomed and tacked up the horses.  Both boys spoke to their horses as they worked, and by the time they had mounted up and were heading out on the trail, they had fallen into an easy conversation with each other.

 

They began by talking about their horses, reminiscing about what they’d been like the last time they’d seen them, when Copper was only a two-year-old and Nugget was three.  They laughed together about how Chris had spent a week calling Nugget “Puppy Chow” and threatening to sell him to a dog food company if he didn’t learn how to back up without rearing.  Then they went on to a discussion of all of the other horses they’d known and loved (some definitely more so than others) over the years.   

 

By the time they returned from their ride, Chris had let his guard down enough to say, “I can’t believe I’m going to get paid to do this all summer.  And I’m really glad I get to do it with you.”  


	8. "I won't bite"

Sunday, June 8 – Saturday, June 14, 2008

 

Chris found the week of staff training to be somewhat surreal.  Everything seemed both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.  And he couldn’t quite shake the feeling of being an imposter.  He kept half-expecting someone to point to him and demand, “Hey, how’d one of the campers get in here with the grown-ups?”

 

Chris remembered most of the other staff members from previous summers.  His old Horsemanship instructors, Robert and Zach, were still there, as were the cooks, Brad and Ian.  His old counselor, Matthew, was now working as a Horse Sense instructor, along with Harry, of whom Chris still felt slightly and irrationally jealous. 

 

The counselors – Cory, Mark, Kevin, Chord, Blake, and Jacob – had all attended Ride ‘Em Cowboy Ranch Camp as kids.  Most of them were a couple of years older than Chris, but he vaguely remembered them all.

 

The first evening, after introducing everyone, David and Ryan sat back and allowed them to have free time to get acquainted (or reacquainted).  Chris had never really enjoyed “mingling,” but Darren was in his element.  He greeted everyone like a long-lost friend, with a huge grin and a hug.  Chris was more reserved, shaking hands and smiling tentatively.

 

When Harry approached, Darren was, as always, effusive in his greeting.  “Hey, man, it’s great to see you!  How’ve you been?” he cried, pulling the older boy into a big hug.

 

Turning toward Chris, Darren then surprised him by grabbing his left hand and pulling him forward.  “You remember my best friend, Chris, right?” he asked, giving Chris’s hand a squeeze.  Chris could feel his face heating up, and wished for the thousandth time that he didn’t blush so easily.  He stammered out a greeting and shook Harry’s hand.

 

As Harry moved away, Chris realized that he was still holding Darren’s hand.  He tried to let go, but Darren just gave his hand a little squeeze, pulled him forward, and said, “C’mon.  Let’s go say ‘hi’ to everyone else.  They’re more likely to remember who we are if they see us together.”

 

For the rest of the evening, Chris let Darren lead him around, chatting with one person after another.  Although Chris felt awkward at first, he soon realized that no one seemed to mind Darren’s touchy-feely friendliness, and he began to relax and actually enjoy himself.

 

Eventually, Ryan announced that they’d be meeting the next morning at 7:30 for breakfast, and sent them all off – the counselors to the centrally located cabins, the rest of the staff to the far-flung bunkhouses.  Chris and Darren walked together through the twilight, still laughing over one of Chord’s impressions.

 

Back in their bunkhouse, Darren said, “Guess what I brought?”

 

“A guitar,” said Chris, noticing the case leaning against the wall.

 

“Well, yeah,” said Darren, “but that’s not what I was thinking of.  Guess what I brought to read?”

 

“ _Harry Potter_?”

 

“The complete series!  Last time we were together, we’d just finished _The Prisoner of Azkaban_.  Do you want to start with _Goblet of Fire?_  Or should we go back to the beginning?”

 

“You mean, like, read to each other?”

 

“Of course!  It’s a tradition.  You can’t seriously expect me to read to myself, can you?” 

 

“Of course not,” said Chris, laughing.  “What was I thinking?  Let’s start with _The Goblet of Fire_.”  

 

“Good call,” said Darren.  “Do you want the first shower?”

 

“No, you go ahead.  I haven’t even made my bed yet.”

 

While Darren was in the bathroom, Chris made up his bed with the clean sheets and blankets his mother had sent with him.  It felt strange to be at camp without his old sleeping bag, but Chris knew that he’d be more comfortable this way. 

 

Chris was unpacking his bags when Darren came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.  Chris quickly looked back down at the clothes he was folding, and steadfastly avoided glancing up again until he was certain that Darren had put his pajamas on.  Things with Darren had been going so smoothly, and Chris did **not** need any complications.

 

When it was his own turn to shower, Chris made sure to bring his pajamas with him into the bathroom, so that he could be properly attired before he came out.  Leaving the bathroom, he found Darren sitting on the bottom bunk, holding _Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire_.

 

Chris walked across the room and sat down at his desk chair.  Darren looked up, surprised.  “Do you have a letter you need to write?” he asked.

 

“No,” said Chris.  “I’m ready for the story, if you are.”

 

“Well, then, c’mere,” said Darren, patting his leg as he had done when they were kids.

 

Chris hesitated.  Reading to each other seemed unusual enough, but lying with their heads in each other’s laps just really didn’t seem like something that guys their age did.

 

“C’mon,” Darren urged.  “I won’t bite.” 

 

Then, when Chris still didn’t get up, he added, with a gleam in his eye, “But the Monster Book of Monsters might!”  And with that, Darren leapt up, snapping the book’s covers open and closed toward Chris.

 

Chris popped up out of his chair, and Darren chased him around the room, making ferocious growling noises.  Chris stumbled, and Darren took the opportunity to grab him and toss him down on the bed. 

 

“There!” crowed Darren triumphantly.  “Now, are you going to lie there and listen to the story, or do I have to let this book bite your toes?”

 

Chris was laughing so hard, he was afraid he was going to pee his pants.  “Okay, okay,” he gasped.  “Don’t let it get me!”

 

“Fine,” Darren smirked.  “But let there be no more of this silly sitting-in-chairs nonsense.”

 

Lying there, with his head in Darren’s lap, Chris closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the story.  J. K. Rowling seemed to be losing her touch, though, because all Chris could focus on was the feel of Darren’s fingers running through his hair, and the warmth of Darren’s thigh under his cheek.  He was afraid this was going to be a very long summer.

 

 

The next day, David and Ryan had planned a series of team-building exercises for the staff.  The activities – Human Knot, The Amazing Shrinking Blanket, Trust Falls, Hot Chocolate River, Blindfold Obstacle Course, The Magic Carpet, etc. – were designed to help them loosen up and feel comfortable with each other, while developing their cooperation skills.  Somewhat to Chris’s surprise, they actually worked.  By the end of the day, Chris felt like he had a new family.

 

That night, at dinner, talk turned to college.  All of the counselors were college students, and most of the instructors were either students or professors.  Chris mentioned that he was headed to the University of Michigan in the fall. 

 

“No way!” Darren yelled, shoving him so hard that he actually fell off the end of the bench.  “I’m going to Michigan, too!  This is going to be totally awesome!  Are you really going to Michigan?”

 

Picking himself up off of the floor with a glare at Darren, Chris answered, “Well, if I live long enough, I am.”

 

Darren was too excited to be properly contrite.  Nothing would satisfy him until he had gotten Chris to agree that they would contact the university and arrange to be roommates at school.  Chris had serious doubts about what he was getting himself into, but he just couldn’t say no.

 

 

On Tuesday, each staff mini-team was focused on preparing for their own area of responsibility.  For Chris and Darren, this meant reading through the Certified Horsemanship Association guidelines for classes at the different riding levels, and then heading out to reacquaint themselves with the over 25 miles of trails on the ranch.

 

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were “trial run” days.  On Wednesday, they followed the schedule of the beginners group, with each pair of instructors teaching the appropriate lessons, and the rest of the staff acting as campers.  Chris felt a little nervous teaching his first riding lesson, but his skills as an actor helped him to imagine that his colleagues really were little kids just learning how to ride.  Darren’s acting skills came to the fore when it was his turn to pretend to be a camper, although Chris secretly wondered if he was even acting. 

 

On Thursday, they followed the schedule of the intermediate group, and the advanced group was on Friday.  With each lesson he taught, Chris became more confident.  He and Darren developed an easy flow, each knowing when to pick up and when to let the other take over.

 

When they took their groups out on trail rides, Chris soon discovered that he preferred to lead, and to let Darren ride drag.  Otherwise, he found himself too distracted by how good Darren looked in the saddle up ahead, and he missed pointing out essential safety information to his group.

 

By Friday night, David and Ryan declared them all ready for camp.  They would have Saturday off, and the first campers would arrive on Sunday.

 

Chris and Darren still had some trails left to explore, so after breakfast on Saturday they packed themselves a picnic lunch and headed out on their horses.  The weather was perfect (to be honest, the weather just north of Santa Cruz was perfect all summer – highs in the 70s with 0% chance of rain) and Chris felt relaxed and happy.  He glanced over at Darren, riding next to him.

 

Darren met his gaze with a big smile.  “I’m glad you’re still my best friend,” he said. 


	9. "What if I want to kiss you?"

Sunday, June 15 – Saturday, June 21, 2008

 

When the first campers began to arrive on Sunday, Chris couldn’t believe his eyes.  “Were we seriously ever that little?” he asked Darren.  “How are we possibly going to teach those munchkins how to ride?”

 

“Don’t worry,” said Darren.  “We learned, and so will they.”

 

 

Ryan had made it clear that all staff were required to attend the Sunday campfires as “community-building time.”  Mondays through Thursdays, each staff member (other than the counselors) would be assigned to one night off of campfire duty.  Chris was given Tuesdays off, and Darren had Thursdays.  Ryan explained that he always gave the members of each team separate nights off, since, “togetherness is good, but not too much togetherness.”  On Fridays, everyone would come together again for the final campfire of the week.

 

Chris felt excited about their first campfire, especially when he saw that Darren was bringing his guitar.  Although Chris could faintly hear Darren strumming in the other room every night while he was in the shower, Darren always put his guitar away by the time Chris came out of the bathroom.  Chris hadn’t wanted to put Darren on the spot by asking him to play for him, but he was curious to hear how Darren sounded without the muffling sound of the water.

 

Sitting down on one of the six logs surrounding the campfire, Chris noticed that several of the other staff members also had guitars.  He already knew that Ryan and Matthew played, and now he saw that Mark, Chord, and Jacob obviously did as well.

 

Once all of the campers were seated, and David had explained the procedures for making s’mores (at which point the assembled boys erupted in cheers) it was time for campfire songs.  The counselors passed out songbooks, but Chris didn’t need one.  He still remembered all of the old songs – Git Along Little Dogies, Home on the Range, Old Cowhand from the Rio Grande, Happy Trails, etc.

 

Once they’d sung their way through most of the traditional songs, Ryan asked if there were any requests.  This being the first night, the campers seemed to be feeling shy, and no one spoke up. 

 

Darren offered, “I’ve got a song you might like, and it even kind-of has a horse in it.”

 

There was a chorus of encouragement, so Darren began to play.  Chris immediately recognized the tune as an old Monkees song – Daydream Believer.  He wondered fleetingly what the song had to do with horses, before all thoughts were pushed out of his head as Darren began to sing.    

 

Of course, Chris had heard Darren sing before.  They’d sung together every night of every summer as kids.  And tonight Darren had been singing along, just like everyone else.  But this was different.  No one else seemed to know the words to the first verse of the song, or at least no one else was joining in, and Darren’s voice ringing out on it’s own was the most beautiful thing Chris had ever heard.

 

By the time Darren reached the chorus, Chris realized that his mouth was hanging open, and tried to cover by singing along.  Most of the staff, and a few of the campers, joined in as well.  At the end of the chorus, though, everyone stopped and let Darren sing the next verse as a solo.

 

_You once thought of me_

_As a white knight on his steed;_

_Now you know how happy I can be._

_Oh, and our good times start and end_

_Without dollar one to spend;_

_But how much, baby, do we really need?_

 

At the mention of “a white knight on his steed” Chris had a momentary “oh, there’s the horse connection” thought, but then quickly did a double-take.  Why did Darren just wink at him?  Chris glanced away in confusion, but when he looked back, Darren’s eyes were still on him, and Darren seemed to be singing just to Chris.

 

Chris told himself firmly to stop being silly.  Chris wasn’t a little kid anymore, and he knew what these feelings meant.  But it was **not** appropriate to have a crush on his best friend.  Especially when said best friend was straight.  And his co-worker.  And his roommate. 

 

Oh, my god, this summer was going to kill him…

 

 

Just as they had done when they were 12, Chris and Darren got up at 6:00 each morning to go round up the horses.  Not having any precocious campers to assist them, they shared the responsibility with the other four “horse whisperers.”  Each pair spent four days riding out to gather the herd, and two days tossing out the hay.  (Ryan and David fed the few horses they kept in on Sundays.)

 

The first week of camp, Chris and Darren rounded up the horses with Robert and Zach on Monday and Tuesday, and with Matthew and Harry on Wednesday and Thursday.  On Friday, it was their turn to feed, while the other four went on the round-up. 

 

Chris tried to lift a hay bale by himself and almost collapsed.  “Oh my god,” he groaned.  “What are we feeding these horses?  Bricks?”

 

“Weren’t you listening when Ryan warned us that the bales weigh over 100 pounds, and we should lift them together?” Darren asked.

 

“Apparently not,” Chris said ruefully, rubbing his back. 

 

“Are you okay?” Darren asked, concerned.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

By that evening, though, it was clear that Chris wasn’t really fine.  His back had seized up, and it was difficult for him to stand upright to walk.  When a hot shower failed to help, Darren held up a bottle and patted the bed.

 

“C’mere,” he said.  “I borrowed this liniment from Zach.  He swears it will have you feeling better in no time.”

 

“Is that the stuff he rubs on the horses?” Chris asked suspiciously.

 

“Yeah.  But it says right on the bottle that you can use it on people, too.  C’mon.”

 

Chris walked stiffly over to the bed and lay down on his stomach with a groan.  Darren straddled his hips and began pulling up his pajama top.

 

“What are you doing?” Chris asked, flustered.

 

“Well, you don’t expect me to put the liniment on **over** your shirt, do you?”

 

Chris grunted, and shifted so that Darren could remove his shirt.  The next moment he gasped as Darren drizzled the cold liniment over his back.  The icy feeling quickly turned to heat as Darren began to rub the liniment into his sore muscles.

 

Chris sighed as Darren kneaded his back, helping to ease the tightness he’d been carrying all day.  As the knots in his back released, Chris felt his pain and tension melting away. 

 

“Mmmm…” he moaned.  “That feels really good.”

 

Suddenly Darren’s hands left his back as Darren leapt up off of the bed. 

 

“Okay, um, good,” Darren said quickly.  “I’m glad it helped.  Okay, well, I’d better let you get some sleep now, then.”

 

And with that, Darren climbed up onto his own bunk and switched off the light.  Chris was left alone in his bed to wonder what the hell had just happened.

 

 

On Saturday morning, Chris was pleased to wake up without any residual soreness.  He was less pleased to discover that Darren was still acting jumpy and strange.

 

Chris tried to talk to Darren a couple of times to find out what was going on, but Darren just shrugged him off, and they were so busy that Chris didn’t have time to press.

 

That afternoon, though, once all but a few of the campers had left, Chris asked Darren if he’d like to go for a trail ride.  He knew that being with the horses always helped to calm his friend down.  He hoped that once they were away from the main camp, Darren would be willing to talk to him about what was going on.

 

They headed out along Darren’s favorite trail – a narrow, shady path that followed the creek.  Darren was quiet until the trail opened out into a secluded meadow.  Then he slid down off of his horse and ground-tied her.  Chris followed suit.

 

“Chris, can I talk to you about something?” Darren asked hesitantly.

 

“Of course.  You know you can always talk to me about anything.”

 

“How did you know you were gay?”

 

Chris was surprised by the question.  “It was pretty obvious,” he said.  “I got crushes on boys instead of on girls.”

 

“But how did you know they were crushes?” Darren persisted.  “How did you know you didn’t just really like them, and admire them, and want to be like them.  You know, like maybe they were your role-models, or something.”

 

“Well, I’ve had plenty of role-models, like my Speech and Debate coach, or David and Ryan.  But I never wanted to kiss any of them.  If you want to kiss someone, it’s a crush.”

 

“What if I want to kiss **you**?” Darren asked, so quietly that Chris almost missed it.

 

“Then I think you should.”

 

Chris couldn’t believe he’d been so bold.  The instant the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back.  Darren couldn’t possibly mean that he actually wanted to kiss him.  It was just a hypothetical question, and now Chris had gone and made things awkward.  He looked down, embarrassed.  

 

Chris was just opening his mouth to explain that he’d been joking, when he felt Darren’s lips on his.  He barely had time to register the kiss before Darren was pulling away again.

 

“I think I’m gay,” he said.

 

“Oh, thank God,” Chris sighed, leaning in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a link to the song Darren sings at the campfire, from which I took the title of this story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU615FaODCg


	10. "Things are about to get really complicated"

Saturday, June 21, 2008

 

It was finally happening.  After six years of wondering about it, dreaming about it, and trying not to think about it, Chris was actually kissing Darren.  And Darren was kissing him back.

 

Until, suddenly, he wasn’t. 

 

Chris’s eyes flew open as Darren took an abrupt step backwards.

 

“You kissed me,” Darren said, a look of shock and wonder on his face.

 

“Well, to be fair, you did kiss me first,” Chris countered.

 

“Yeah, but that was just to see if I had a crush on you.  Which I, um, apparently, um, do.  But I didn’t think you liked me back.”

 

“Darren,” Chris said, half-laughing.  “Are you totally clueless?  I’ve had a crush on you since we were ten!”

 

“What?!  Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

 

“Because you’re my best friend, and I thought you were straight, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

 

“Chris, nothing could ruin our friendship.  You should know that by now.”

 

“I hope you’re right.  Because things are about to get really complicated.”

 

“Why does anything have to be complicated?”

 

“Well, for starters, Darren, we’re not campers anymore.  We **work** here now.  Did it ever occur to you that our bosses might not be overjoyed at the idea of a workplace romance?  That they might feel like it’s not appropriate for us to share a bunkhouse given the nature of our relationship?  What if they decide to make one of us room with Brad, and the other with Ian?”

 

“Oh my god, don’t even joke about such a thing!”

 

“I’m not joking.  David and Ryan are cool, but the bottom line is, they’re running a business here, not a dating service.  If they thought for one minute that our relationship was going to interfere with our work, or cause problems for them with the campers’ families, don’t you think they’d do something about it?”

 

Darren gave Chris a thoughtful look.  “Well, then, we’ll just have to keep this to ourselves.  We’ve always been so close, anyway, that no one’s going to notice the difference.”

 

“I hope you’re right.”

 

“Of course I’m right.  Now shut up and kiss me.”

 

Chris couldn’t argue with that.

 

As he brought his lips back to Darren’s, however, Chris felt a sudden burst of shyness.  He pulled away.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Chris said shakily.  “It’s just that I’m really new to all of this.”

 

“ **You’re** new to this?  I just figured out I was gay like ten minutes ago.  You’ve been out for years.”

 

“Yeah, but I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

 

“Well, neither have I, obviously.”

 

“But you’ve had girlfriends.  You have experience.  I’ve never even kissed anyone before today, let alone done anything else.  I just don’t know if I’m ready for all of this.”

 

“Chris, baby, look at me,” Darren said, cupping Chris’s face in his hand.

 

Chris blushed at the unfamiliar term of endearment, but despite his embarrassment, he felt himself leaning in to Darren’s touch.

 

“There is no ‘all of this’ except what you and I create together.  We never have to do anything that we don’t both want to do.  And if you’re worried about me having more experience, just ‘cause I had a couple of girlfriends in high school, well, it never went further than kissing with any of them.  I thought at the time it was because I was a good Catholic boy, at a good Catholic school, dating good Catholic girls.  But looking back, I guess I was never interested in taking things further because deep down a part of me probably already knew I was gay.  So I really don’t have any more idea about what I’m doing than you do.  We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

 

“Deal,” said Chris, smiling.

 

They spent the rest of that afternoon trading kisses and talking.  Chris finally opened up to Darren about all of the things he’d been keeping hidden for the past six years.  Darren’s eyes welled up with tears when he heard about the bullying Chris had experienced.

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Chris said.  “I survived, and it’s made me a stronger person.”

 

“You’ve always been a strong person.  And that kind of abuse is never okay.  I wish I could have been there for you.”

 

“Well, you’re here now, and that’s what counts.”

 

 

That evening, Chris took the first shower, and, as usual, he changed into his pajamas before he came out of the bathroom.  Then he sat down at his desk to write a letter to Hannah while Darren showered.

 

When the bathroom door opened, Chris looked up from his letter to see Darren toweling off his wet hair.  “What are you doing?” Chris squawked, whirling around to face the opposite wall.

 

“Drying my hair.  What does it look like I’m doing?”

 

“You’re naked!”

 

“So?  We’ve seen each other naked hundreds of times.  What’s the problem?”

 

“We were **kids** , Darren, and it didn’t mean anything.”

 

“So, you’re saying it means something now?” Darren asked, and Chris could swear he heard a smirk in his voice.

 

“It **means** put on some **pants** , Darren!  And a shirt wouldn’t hurt, either, while you’re at it.”

 

Chris could hear Darren muttering under his breath about the human body being ‘beautiful’ and ‘natural’ and ‘organic’ as he rummaged around in his dresser.  Chris was afraid to look up.

 

“Are you decent?” he finally asked.

 

“No.  But I’ve got my pajamas on, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

Chris grabbed a pillow off of the bed and threw it at Darren.  Darren caught the pillow and whacked Chris with it.

 

“Hey!” Chris yelled, mock-indignant, “Knock it off, or I’ll have to report you for domestic violence.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Darren laughed, flopping onto the bed.  “C’mere and I’ll read you a story.”

 

Chris lay down contentedly with his head in Darren’s lap.  Listening to the rise and fall of Darren’s voice, Chris allowed his eyes to drift shut.  He didn’t think he’d ever felt this happy.

 

At the end of the chapter, Darren set the book aside and began to scoot down on the bed next to him.  Chris sat up abruptly.  “What are you doing?” he asked, sounding alarmed.

 

Darren seemed bemused.  “Cuddling,” he answered.  “We always cuddle after I read to you.”

 

“Yeah, well, that was when it didn’t mean anything.”

 

“What is it with you and everything having to **mean** something tonight?” Darren huffed.  “Don’t you want to cuddle with me?”

 

“Of course I want to cuddle with you.”

 

“Then what’s the problem?”

 

“The problem, Darren, is that cuddling might lead to other things.”

 

“Chris, baby, we already talked about this.  You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

 

“Yeah, but maybe I **do** want to.”

 

“Then what’s the –”

 

“Darren, if you say ‘what’s the problem’ one more time tonight, I swear I’m going to smother you with this pillow!” Chris yelled, exasperated.  “The **problem** is that just because I want something, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m ready for it, okay?  Now, will you please get out of my bed?!”

 

“Okay,” Darren said in a small voice, standing up.

 

Chris immediately felt guilty. 

 

“Hey, Dare, I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he said, standing up to join Darren.  “I’m not mad at you.  I just really don’t want to rush into anything.”  Chris took a deep breath.  “And when you’re so close to me, it’s hard for me to trust myself,” he admitted.  “Forgive me?”

 

“Of course.  And I get it.  I promise, I’m not trying to push you into anything.”

 

“I know,” Chris said. 

 

He gazed fondly at Darren, who was standing a few feet away from him, still looking a little forlorn.  “C’mere,” he said, opening his arms to wrap Darren in a hug.

 

Darren clung to him tightly.  “I warned you that this was going to be complicated,” Chris told him.

 

“Yeah,” Darren murmured into his shoulder, “but it’s worth it.”


	11. "No one will suspect a thing."

Sunday, June 22 – Saturday, June 28

 

Keeping their relationship a secret seemed to be easier than Chris had anticipated.  For starters, Darren had been right in pointing out that everyone at camp was already used to seeing them practically joined at the hip.  In fact, the first comment anyone made about noticing a change in their relationship was the exact opposite of what Chris had expected.

 

Mark came up to him after dinner on Sunday, looking concerned.  “Is everything all right with you and Darren?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” said Chris, hoping he was only imagining that his voice sounded more high-pitched than usual.  “Why wouldn’t it be?”

 

“I don’t know,” said Mark.  “But he left after dinner without waiting for you.  And I haven’t seen the two of you holding hands under the table for the last couple of days.  I thought maybe you were having a fight.”

 

“Oh, uh, no,” Chris said, trying to sound casual.  “He’s still my best friend.  No need to worry about us.”

 

Back in their bunkhouse, Darren laughed when Chris told him what had happened.  “See?” he said, sounding smug.  “I told you we didn’t need to hide.  If we just act natural, no one will suspect a thing.”

 

“Well,” said Chris, not willing to totally concede the point, “there are **some** things we’d better not do in public.”

 

“Agreed,” Darren said with a wink, “so it’s a good thing we’re not in public right now.”

 

And with that, he pulled Chris, laughing, in for a kiss.

 

 

Later that evening, Chris sat next to Darren at the campfire, trying not to feel like everyone was looking at them.  Darren leaned into him, whispering in his ear, “You look like you’re sitting on a cactus.  Just relax and have a good time.”

 

So, Chris tried to relax, and pretty soon he actually was having a good time.  He sang along with the campfire songs, even putting in requests for a couple of his old favorites.

 

Towards the end of the evening, Cory asked, “Hey, Darren, do you have anything new to play for us?”

 

“Well, not new, exactly, but at least it wasn’t written in the 19th century, like most of the songs we’ve been singing.”

 

“Well, c’mon then, play for us.”

 

As he listened, entranced, to the first clear notes, Chris thought that if anyone could perform a James Taylor song and make it sound better than the original, it must be Darren.

 

_Well, there is a young cowboy, he lives on the range_

_His horse and his cattle are his only companions_

_He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons_

_Waiting for summer, his pastures to change_

_And as the moon rises he sits by his fire_

_Thinking about women and glasses of beer_

_And closing his eyes as the doggies retire_

_He sings out a song which is soft but it’s clear_

_As if maybe someone could hear…_

 

Chris joined in on the chorus, falling easily into a harmony.  He could tell that Darren was singing directly to him, and in that moment he didn’t care whether everybody knew it. 

 

 

On Monday morning, Chris and Darren were back to work in earnest.  The classes were easier for them to teach this week.  This was due in part to their greater experience, and in part to the fact that several of the boys had stayed over from the previous week.  Having some of the same students meant that they had fewer names, faces, and personalities to learn.  It also meant that they could call on the more experienced boys to demonstrate skills for the others.

 

Although their work may have been easier, though, it was certainly no less time-consuming.  Every morning began with the round-up.  After breakfast, they taught the advanced riding class, led the intermediate group on a trail ride, and then taught the beginners riding class.  After lunch they had the beginners trail ride, the intermediate riding class, and the advanced trail ride, which ended with just enough time for them to un-tack their horses before dinner. 

 

They had an hour’s free time each evening after dinner, and then it was on to the campfire.  By the time the campfire ended at 8:30, Chris and Darren were worn out.  Even if Chris hadn’t insisted on taking things slowly, they probably wouldn’t have had the energy to do much more than shower, brush their teeth, change into their pajamas, and read to each other, before they fell asleep.

 

Chris viewed the hour between dinner and the campfire as his golden opportunity to spend quality time with Darren.  As soon as they finished eating on Monday, he hustled Darren out of the dining hall, saying, “C’mere.  I’ve got something I have to show you.”

 

“What?” Darren asked, hurrying along behind him.

 

“Wait ‘til we get back to the bunkhouse, and you’ll find out,” Chris told him with a wink.

 

Darren broke into a run, laughing and pulling Chris along the deserted path through the woods.  By the time they were inside their bunkhouse with the door safely shut, both boys were out of breath.

 

Darren pushed Chris up against the inside of the door, kissing him more passionately than he had yet dared.

 

Chris had heard of French kissing, of course, but the thought of doing it had never tempted him.  The idea of sticking his tongue into another person’s mouth had always struck Chris as faintly disgusting.  Not to mention unsanitary.

 

Now, though, with Darren licking hungrily at the edges of his lips, Chris began to see the appeal.  He parted his lips slightly and allowed Darren to deepen the kiss.  

 

As Darren began exploring Chris’s mouth with his tongue, Chris moaned and fisted one of his hands in Darren’s hair.  With his other hand, he grabbed Darren around the waist, pulling their hips together.

 

The second he felt Darren’s erection press against his own, Chris gasped and pushed Darren away.

 

Darren jumped back quickly, saying, “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!”  He looked as if he was afraid that Chris was about to start yelling at him, as he had the other night.

 

“Darren, calm down.  It’s okay,” Chris said, trying to catch his breath.  “I just need to cool off for a minute, okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Darren said, and Chris noticed that he was panting slightly, as well.  “I really wasn’t trying to push you, I promise.”

 

“Dare, I said it’s okay,” Chris repeated.  “It’s not your fault.  I just got a little carried away.” 

 

Then, hearing his own words, Chris laughed a little and said, “Well, I guess it **is** your fault that I got a little carried away, but you know what I mean.”

 

“Yeah,” Darren said, looking relieved.  “No problem.”

 

“So, can we take that from the top?  But maybe with a little less tongue?”

 

“Sure,” Darren smiled, moving back in to give Chris a chaste peck.

 

“I didn’t say **no** tongue,” Chris complained.

 

“Picky, picky, picky,” Darren teased.  But he made up for it a second later by giving Chris a kiss that was just right.

 

 

Tuesday after dinner found Chris and Darren similarly engaged.  At quarter after seven, Darren let out a frustrated sigh.  “It’s not fair that I have to go to the campfire tonight and you don’t.  Come with me.”

 

“Dare, I can’t.  It would look really suspicious if I showed up on my night off.”

 

“But I’ll miss you,” Darren whined.

 

“Oh, come on,” Chris teased. “Put on your big-boy pants and go sing some songs.  I’ll be right here when you get back.”

 

“You’re mean,” Darren said with a pout.  But then he winked at Chris and gave him one final kiss before heading out the door.

 

 

When Darren returned, Chris was freshly showered and wearing his pajamas.  Darren burst gleefully through the door, calling out, “Hi, Honey, I’m home.”

 

“Cheesy, Darren.”

 

“Hey, don’t call me ‘cheesy,’ mister.  I’m the best boyfriend in the whole world.  Look what I brought you.”

 

Darren handed Chris a stack of graham crackers wrapped around toasted marshmallows and half-melted chocolate.

 

“Yum!  S’mores!”

 

“And I even brought you milk,” Darren said proudly, producing a half-pint carton.

 

“Yup,” said Chris around a mouthful of s’mores.  “Best boyfriend ever.”

 

  

On Thursday night, Chris, not to be outdone, brought s’mores back from the campfire for Darren.  He found his boyfriend (a word which still made Chris feel giddy at the very thought) lounging on the top bunk, looking unusually relaxed.  Darren started when he noticed Chris, popping up to a sitting position with an almost guilty expression on his face.

 

“Hey, Dare, what’cha been doing?” Chris asked, although he thought he had a pretty good idea.

 

“Just daydreaming about you,” Darren answered, smiling.

 

“Well, stop your daydreaming, ‘cause I’m back.  And I brought s’mores.”

 

“Yea!” Darren cried, hopping down from his bunk and giving Chris a kiss before taking the proffered treats.

 

 

The weekend finally arrived, and with it came 27 hours (from noon Saturday ‘til 3:00 on Sunday) of completely unstructured time.  Chris and Darren spent Saturday afternoon out on the trail with their horses, talking, laughing, and singing to each other. 

 

The fact that Darren was really his boyfriend was finally beginning to sink in to Chris’s brain.  It was becoming hard for him to imagine things being any other way.

 

On Saturday evening, both boys were showered and changed into their pajamas by 7:00.  It had been a long week, and Chris was looking forward to a quiet evening relaxing together.  Tiny alarm bells began going off in his head, however, when Darren approached him with a serious expression, saying, “Can I talk to you about something?”

 

“Of course, Dare,” Chris said, trying not to let the worry he was suddenly feeling show in his voice.  “You know you can always talk to me about anything.”

 

“You know how we’ve been best friends for ten years?” Darren began.

 

“Mm hmm,” Chris agreed, not sure where this was going.

 

“And you know how we’ve always told each other everything?”

 

“Mm hmm.”

 

“Well, there’s something I’ve never told you.  And I feel like I need to say it now.”

 

“Dare, it’s okay,” Chris said as calmly as he could, while a million worst-case scenarios flitted through his mind.  “You know you can tell me anything.”

 

“Chris, I love you.”

 

“What?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Wait – that’s **it**?!  That’s your big thing that you had to tell me?  I love you too, you goofball!  I can’t believe we’ve never said that before.  I was all prepared for you to confess that you were a serial killer, or something.”

 

“You love me too?”

 

“Of course I love you, Darren.  I’ve loved you since we were eight years old.  How could you possibly think that I didn’t?”

 

“But, Chris, I think I’m falling **in love** with you.”

 

“Well, good.  ‘Cause I’m falling in love with you, too.  Now shut up and kiss me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a link to the song Darren sings at the campfire: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2EZUw2mvjs


	12. "Trying to make up for lost time"

Saturday, June 28 – Sunday, June 29, 2008

 

It may have taken Darren ten years to get around to professing his love for Chris, but once he’d said those three little words, he didn’t seem to be able to stop.  Every few minutes he kept pulling away from their kisses to say, “I love you.”

 

At first, Chris thought he could never tire of hearing those words.  His heart felt like it would burst with happiness.  He responded to Darren’s every declaration of love with one of his own.

 

Eventually, though, it became too much, even for him.  The next time Darren opened his mouth to speak, Chris cut him off with, “Let me guess?  You love me, right?”

 

When Darren nodded at him, smiling, Chris said, “So I’ve heard.  Over and over.  And so I’ve said back.  Over and over.  And it’s true.  But come on, Dare.  When you say something too many times, the words stop having any meaning.  It’s like leaving a song on constant repeat, until it becomes just background noise.”

 

“You’re right,” Darren agreed sheepishly.  “I guess I was just trying to make up for lost time.”

 

“Darren, there’s no such thing as lost time.  Everything that we’ve said, and everything that we’ve done, and everything that we’ve been through, has brought us to where we are right now.  And where we are right now is exactly where I want to be.  So seriously, shut up and kiss me.”   

 

 

Later that evening, after Chris finished reading the latest chapter of _Harry Potter_ , he sat stroking Darren’s hair and trying to gather his courage. 

 

_“What are you so afraid of?”_ he asked himself. 

 

When he couldn’t come up with a better answer than _“I don’t know,”_ he decided to just go for it.

 

Chris had been sitting on his bunk while he read, leaning back against the wall, as usual, and Darren was lying on his side, facing out into the room, with his head resting in Chris’s lap.  Chris clicked off the light and slowly eased his legs out from under Darren before lying down behind his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him.

 

Darren hummed contentedly and shifted closer to Chris.  “What are you doing?” he asked, sounding a little surprised.

 

“Cuddling.”

 

“What happened to your ‘no cuddling now that it means something’ rule?”

 

“I’m breaking it.”

 

“What about being worried that cuddling could lead to other things?”

 

“Darren, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Just go with it, Darren.  Go to sleep.”

 

“Wait – are you serious?  Are you really going to let me sleep in your bed?”

 

“If you stop giving me the third degree.  Yes.”

 

Darren mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key.

 

Chris nuzzled into Darren’s soft curls, planting a kiss on the back of his neck.  “I love you,” he murmured.

 

 

The next morning, Chris awoke later than usual.  He had never shared a bed with anyone before, and it had been difficult for him to sleep.

 

At first, his thoughts had been racing at his own daring in inviting Darren to sleep in his bed.  Was it okay?  What would Darren think?  Was he moving too fast?

 

He felt hyper-aware of his body.  Could Darren feel his heart pounding where Chris’s chest was pressed up against his back?  Was his breath tickling Darren’s neck?  Where should he put his hands?

 

Once Darren’s breathing had settled into an easy cadence that signaled he was asleep, Chris stopped worrying so much.  However, sleep still eluded him.  Lying there with Darren just felt so **good**. 

 

Chris found his mind drifting back to the summer when they were 12, when they had spent those few wonderful, confusing minutes riding double on Chris’s horse.  Now, as then, they were pressed together, front to back.  Now, as then, Chris’s arms were wrapped tightly around Darren.  Now, as then, he could almost feel the movement of the horse, rocking their hips together.

 

Chris suddenly realized that he had begun rocking his hips into Darren’s ass, and immediately forced himself to stop.  Mortified, he held his breath, praying that he hadn’t woken Darren up. 

 

After a minute, when Darren didn’t stir, Chris slowly began easing himself away from his sleeping boyfriend.  Every time Chris inched away, however, Darren just snuggled back against him.  Pretty soon Chris’s back was pressed to the wall, and he had nowhere left to go. 

 

Chris tried to think un-sexy thoughts.  He finally succeeded with an image of his little sister lying in a hospital bed.  But that just made him sad, which made him feel the need to cuddle closer to Darren for comfort, which soon led back to his original problem.

 

All in all, it was no wonder that Chris got very little sleep that night.

 

 

The next morning, Darren was in an exuberant mood, bursting over with all of the fun things he wanted to do before the campers arrived that afternoon.  Apparently, he had not experienced Chris’s difficulty in sleeping.

 

Chris forced his eyes open and stared blearily up at Darren, who was dancing around the room as he sang an impromptu song about his plans for the day.  “Ugh,” Chris groaned.  “How can you be so chipper at this ungodly hour?”

 

“Ungodly hour?  Chris, it’s eight o’clock!  We totally slept in.  Now hurry up and get dressed.  It’s a beautiful day!”

 

Chris slowly dragged himself out of bed.  “Dare,” he said, “I really love you.  But you’ve **gotta** sleep in your own bunk from now on.”


	13. "I promised I wasn't going to push you."

Sunday, June 29 – Saturday, July 5, 2008

 

Darren reluctantly agreed to the idea of sleeping apart, in the interests of being well-rested for their job, as long as Chris would promise to cuddle with him every evening.  Chris countered with the condition that cuddling would have to take place before the campfire, rather than afterwards, so that they wouldn’t be tempted to let it stretch past bedtime.  After a little more back-and-forth, and a few kisses thrown in to sweeten the deal, they finally reached an agreement.        

 

On Sunday evening, Darren hurried Chris away from the dining hall right after dinner.  As soon as they reached the bunkhouse, he threw himself down on top of the blanket on the bottom bunk and patted the space next to him.  “C’mere.”

 

“Darren, get off of my bed!”

 

“You said we could cuddle!”

 

“Darren!”

 

“What?!”

 

“Look at your feet!”

 

Darren glanced down at his feet.  “Oops,” he said apologetically, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  “I guess I should take my boots off.”

 

“Ya **think**?” Chris asked acidly.

 

“Sorry,” Darren said, pulling off the offending boots.  “I’ve just really been looking forward to cuddling with you all day.  Forgive me?”

 

Looking down at his boyfriend’s hopeful face, Chris couldn’t stay mad.  He sat down on the bed next to Darren.  “Of course,” he said, taking off his own boots.

 

Darren surreptitiously brushed some dirt from the blanket before lying back down.  He pulled Chris down in front of him, wrapping him in his arms. 

 

“My turn to be the big spoon.”

 

“Mmm, okay,” Chris said, snuggling back into Darren’s warmth.  “This feels good.”

 

“It really does, doesn’t it?”

 

Chris interlaced his fingers with Darren’s and brought them to his lips.  Darren hummed contentedly and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck.

 

After a few minutes, Chris rolled over onto his back and Darren snuggled against his chest.  They lay quietly like that for a while, and Chris was just beginning to doze off when Darren asked, “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

 

Chris was caught off guard by the question.  “Why would you even need to ask?”

 

“Well, we’ve never kissed lying down before.  And I know that you want to take things slowly, and that you worry about one thing leading to another, and I promised I wasn’t going to push you, so I just thought I’d better check.”

 

“It’s fine, Darren,” Chris said, smiling.

 

Darren kissed him, tentatively at first, and then with more warmth.  Chris returned the kiss, a little surprised to discover that it really did feel different to be doing this lying down.

 

He was startled by the sound of Darren’s alarm going off.

 

“Damn,” Darren said.  “We need to go to the campfire.”

 

Chris sighed and forced himself to get up.  _“Saved by the bell,”_ he thought.

 

 

Monday evening found Chris and Darren cuddled back up together on the bed.  This time Chris took the initiative, leaning over Darren and bringing their lips together.  Darren reached up, pulling Chris down on top of him. 

 

Chris sucked in a sharp breath, and Darren looked at him questioningly.  “Is this okay?”

 

“Um, yeah…um, just…um, you know…um…” Chris stammered, as all of the blood rushed away from his brain, leaving him incapable of forming a complete sentence.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Darren smiled, bringing their lips back together.

 

Chris hesitated for a moment, then kissed him back passionately.  This time, when the alarm went off, Chris wanted to hurl it across the room.

 

 

By Saturday evening, Chris was ready to explode.  He and Darren had been growing bolder, and he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.  Every evening, it had been getting harder and harder for him to drag himself out of bed in time for the campfire.  Now, with no chance of being interrupted by the alarm, and wearing comfy pajamas instead of their more restrictive jeans, it seemed like things could easily get out of hand.

 

Chris moaned as Darren nibbled across his neck, fisting his hand into Darren’s curls.  His hips involuntarily bucked up as Darren sucked hard at a spot just below his ear.  Feeling Darren’s erection pressing against his own, Chris found that he couldn’t remember why he’d wanted to take things slowly.

 

What had he been afraid of?  This was Darren.  He loved Darren.  He trusted Darren.  And right now, he **wanted** Darren.

 

With a growl, Chris flipped them over, pinning Darren beneath him.  He seized Darren’s lips in a fierce kiss, grinding his hips down boldly.  Darren gasped in surprise, then returned the kiss with equal passion.  Soon, both boys were rocking rhythmically together.  Chris could feel tension coiling within him.  He dropped his head against Darren’s neck, panting.

 

Suddenly, Darren grabbed Chris’s hips with both hands, holding him still.  “Chris, baby, are you okay?” he asked, voice rough and low, but sounding concerned.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Chris, you’re shaking.”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re shaking,” Darren repeated, “and I think you’re hyperventilating.”

 

Chris realized with a jolt of surprise that it was true.  His whole body was trembling uncontrollably.  His lips were numb, his fingers were tingling, and he couldn’t feel his feet.  He tried to take a steadying breath, and felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes.  “Sorry,” he choked out, embarrassed.

 

“Shh,” Darren soothed, scooting partially out from under him and pulling Chris’s head down against his chest.  “It’s okay.  There’s nothing to be sorry about.  You know we never need to do anything you don’t want to, right?”

 

“But I **do** want to.  So what’s **wrong** with me?”

 

“Chris, baby, nothing’s wrong with you.  Weren’t you the one who told me that just because you want something, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready for it?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, something’s telling me you’re not quite ready for this.  And it’s okay.  I’m not in any hurry.”

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

“Of course I’m not mad,” Darren said, squeezing Chris more tightly and placing a kiss on his forehead.  “I love you.  And I’m happy just to lie here holding you until it’s time to go to sleep.”

 

Snuggled up next to his boyfriend, with his head pillowed on Darren’s chest as Darren slowly ran his fingers through his hair, Chris gradually felt his quivering ease and his breathing return to normal.  “Would you stay here with me tonight?” he asked.

 

“I’d love to.”


	14. "Someone's feeling friendly this morning."

Sunday, July 6 – Friday, July 11 

 

Something shifted inside Chris as he slept wrapped in Darren’s arms that night.  A tiny part of himself that he’d never consciously acknowledged – the part that believed that Darren would leave him if he saw Chris at his most vulnerable – dissolved in the ocean of Darren’s acceptance and love.

 

Chris woke up early on Sunday, feeling refreshed.  He slid carefully out of bed, trying not to wake Darren.  A few minutes later, Chris returned from the bathroom to find Darren smiling sleepily up at him. 

 

“Where’d you go?”

 

“I needed to pee.  And I wanted to brush my teeth.”

 

“Hmm, good idea.”

 

While Darren was in the bathroom, Chris slipped back into bed.  He nuzzled down into his pillow, breathing in the scent of Darren’s shampoo.  When Darren came out of the bathroom, Chris lifted the edge of the blanket, inviting Darren to join him.

 

Darren slid in beside Chris, kissing him on the tip of his nose.

 

“Good morning.”

 

“Mmm.  Good morning.”

 

“What did you want to do today?” Darren asked.  “If it heats up, I thought it might be fun to ride out to the pond for a swim.”

 

“I’m not thinking that far ahead,” Chris replied with a gleam in his eye.  “Now that I’ve got you back in my bed, and with fresh breath and everything, I’m in no hurry to get up.”

 

“No argument here,” Darren said, snuggling closer.

 

An hour later, the boys were still in bed, trading lazy kisses.  Chris was reminded of one of his mother’s favorite expressions: “slow as molasses.”  That’s how he felt right now – as though his body was slowly melting, sticky and sweet, into Darren’s.

 

When he found himself once again on top of Darren, he began rocking his hips languidly down.  Feeling Darren pull away from their kiss, Chris opened his eyes to find Darren gazing at him in concern.

 

Before Darren could ask, Chris reassured him.  “It’s okay.  I’m ready for this.  And I know that, if at any point I feel like it’s too much, I can just tell you and we’ll stop.  So don’t worry, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Chris brought their lips back together.  He could feel Darren smiling.  He smiled, too, gently sucking at Darren’s lower lip.

 

Darren moaned and brought one hand to Chris’s ass, shifting slightly so that he could pull their hips more tightly together.  Chris thrust down against him, reveling in the way Darren arched up to meet him. 

 

As the heat built between them, Chris lost track of Darren’s hands, Darren’s mouth, everything but Darren’s erection as it rubbed so tantalizingly against his own through the thin fabric of their pajamas.  Darren tensed beneath him and then bucked up sharply as both boys came with a cry. 

 

Chris collapsed on top of his boyfriend, laughing.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“I can’t believe we just did that.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don’t know, it just struck me as funny.”

 

Darren looked at him, then burst out laughing, too.

 

Soon both boys were rolling around on the bed, giggling uncontrollably.

 

 

An hour later, Chris was still feeling a little giddy as he and Darren stood in the empty dining hall.

 

“Looks like we missed breakfast,” Darren observed cheerfully.  “Want me to make you some French toast?”

 

“That sounds great.”

 

Chris followed Darren into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, watching, impressed, as his boyfriend gathered the ingredients and began to prepare their breakfast.  He decided that he liked seeing this domestic side of Darren.

 

Chris wrapped his arms around Darren from behind, resting his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder as he watched him flip the French toast.  “You’re really good at that,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to Darren’s neck.

 

“Someone’s feeling friendly this morning,” drawled Robert’s voice from behind them.

 

“I just really like French toast,” Chris said, as casually as he could, dropping his arms and taking a step backwards.

 

“I can make more, if you’re hungry,” Darren offered.

 

“No, that’s okay, I just came in to grab a snack to take out on the trail.”

 

Robert took a couple of apples out of the bowl on the counter, giving the boys a knowing look before heading back out of the kitchen.

 

“Do you think he suspects?” Darren asked.

 

“He’d have to be blind not to.  Do you think he’ll say anything?”

 

“I don’t know, and right now, I don’t care.  Breakfast is served!”

 

 

After breakfast, Chris and Darren made themselves a picnic lunch.  They decided it was a little too cool to go swimming, so they saddled up their horses and headed out on a sunny trail along the ridge.  When they came to a spot with a lovely view out over the canyon, they ground-tied their horses and settled down for lunch, leaning side-by-side against the thick trunk of a fallen tree.

 

After they had been eating in companionable silence for a few minutes, Chris turned to Darren and asked, “What do you think counts as losing your virginity?”

 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, for straight guys it’s the whole penis-in-vagina thing that they teach you about in health class.  But if you’re gay, there’s obviously no vagina involved.”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“So, what counts as sex?  Do blowjobs count?  Or does it have to be anal sex?  Or is it just any time two people have an orgasm together, or what?”

 

“I think everything counts.”

 

“So, does that mean we just lost our virginities together this morning?”

 

“Well, I guess you get to define that for yourself.  For me, I’d say yes, I feel like I lost my virginity with you this morning.  But that’s just one kind of virginity.”

 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I feel like any time two people experience something together that they’ve never done before, then they’re losing their virginity to each other.”

 

“So then every time we try something new, we lose our virginity all over again?”

 

“Yeah.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

 

“I don’t know,” Chris teased.  “I wouldn’t want you to think I’m easy.”

 

Darren, never one to pass up a possible song cue, broke into the chorus of “Easy Like Sunday Morning.”

 

Chris pretended to roll his eyes, then bumped their shoulders together and joined in.

 

 

Returning to the main camp that afternoon, Chris felt a little self-conscious when he and Darren ran into Robert.  What did Robert know, or suspect?  He searched the older man’s face for signs of judgement, but when Robert simply greeted them with the same open, easy friendliness he always showed, Chris began to relax.

 

That evening at dinner, Chris felt like David’s eyes were on them more often than usual.  When Chris asked Darren about it later, his boyfriend said he hadn’t noticed anything, and told him not to worry.

 

On Monday and Tuesday, there were several times when Chris could have sworn that both Ryan and David were giving him and Darren funny looks.  However, as the week wore on, and no one confronted them, he began to believe that Robert must not have said anything.  They seemed to be in the clear.

 

After dinner on Friday, however, Ryan asked Chris and Darren if he could talk to them.  Although this was phrased as a request, it was apparent to Chris that – coming from their boss – it was actually an order. 

 

With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Chris followed Ryan and David out of the dining hall and up the stairs of the big old farmhouse.  He had always been curious to see the second story, where the camp’s owners – first Uncle Mike and Aunt Lisa, and now David and Ryan – lived.  Now, however, he could barely bring himself to look around.  He glanced back at Darren, who looked as nervous as he felt.

 

“Don’t worry,” Ryan said, “you’re not in trouble.”

 

“We just wanted to ask you about something that Robert mentioned,” David added.

 

“Um,” Chris began, looking frantically at Darren, and wishing they’d discussed what they would say if they were questioned.

 

Darren stepped forward, grabbing Chris’s hand.  “It’s true that we’re a couple,” he said, sounding surprisingly sure of himself.  “I hope that’s not a problem for you.”

 

“Relax,” Ryan said.  “We told you you’re not in trouble.  I just wish you’d felt like you could share this with us.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Chris said, finally finding his voice.  “We were afraid that you’d think it might interfere with our work.  Which I **promise** you it won’t.”

 

“We’re not worried about that,” David said.  “Being a couple has never interfered with our ability to work together.”

 

“Wait – what?!  You guys are a couple?!?”

 

“Yes,” said Ryan, smiling.  “The older staff members – Robert, Zach, Ian, and Brad, who’ve known us since we were kids – have always known.  And we haven’t gone out of our way to hide our relationship from anyone else.  It’s just that we’ve always followed the example set by Uncle Mike and Aunt Lisa.  They never engaged in public displays of affection, and in fact lots of the boys never knew whether they were husband and wife or brother and sister.  We just figured that, working with kids, it was best to keep our private lives private.”

 

“We can totally do that,” Darren said, and Chris nodded his head in agreement.

 

“Good,” said David.  “Now, while you’re up here, would you like us to give you a tour?”

 

“That would be great.”


	15. "Wait - you mean that was supposed to be a secret?"

Saturday, July 12, 2008

 

Chris felt like a weight he hadn’t even realized that he was carrying had been lifted from him.  Coming out to David and Ryan about his relationship with Darren had been such a relief.  Now, he felt like he wanted to come out to the whole world.

 

Once the majority of the campers had departed on Saturday, Chris and Darren found opportunities to talk with the rest of the staff members about their relationship.  The reactions they got ranged from Kevin’s surprised “Wow - that’s great - congratulations!” to Cory’s “Wait – you mean that was supposed to be a secret? I thought everyone already knew.”  The bottom line, though, was that all of their friends were happy for them, and supportive of their relationship.

 

Chris had written to his family about the change in his relationship with Darren over a week ago.  Now, Darren wanted to come out to his own family, who had no idea he was gay, let alone that he was in love with his best friend. 

 

Since both boys had left their cell phones at home (all staff members, as well as campers, having been asked not to bring any electronics to the ranch) Darren asked Ryan if he could use the landline in the camp office.  While Darren made his call, Chris paced nervously outside.  Darren had assured him that his parents would be “cool with it,” but Chris knew that people sometimes had unexpected – and negative – reactions to such news.

 

It was with a sigh of relief, therefore, that Chris finally saw Darren emerge from the office, his face wreathed in smiles.  “They think it’s great!” Darren enthused.  “And they want you to drive up to San Francisco with me next weekend.  My brother Chuck’s band is playing at a coffeehouse on Saturday night.  Will you come?”

 

“Are you sure it won’t be weird?”

 

“No – it’ll be totally awesome.  Please, please, please!”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Yea!”

 

 

Every Saturday evening, the handful of boys who were staying over at camp were treated to a movie in the dining hall.  Having been separated from their video games and televisions for a week or more, the boys were understandably enthusiastic.  After a dinner of frozen pizza (since Ian and Brad had the night off) Ryan would hook up his laptop to the LCD projector while David pulled down the retractable screen on the wall.  Then the boys – along with the two counselors who were on duty that weekend, and whatever other staff members cared to join them – would settle down with bags of microwaved popcorn to watch the movie.

 

As kids, Chris and Darren had spent many a happy Saturday evening together, holding hands and leaning into one another as they watched whichever Disney film Uncle Mike had selected.  The camp had had a fairly limited collection, since Aunt Lisa had insisted that all of the movies needed to be G-rated.  Chris and Darren soon knew them all by heart, mouthing lines to each other, and singing along at full volume.

 

This summer, Chris and Darren had skipped the movie nights, choosing instead to spend their Saturday evenings ensconced in their bunkhouse.  Tonight, though, Ryan had mentioned that they’d be showing Mulan, and Darren had begged Chris to watch it with him.  Chris had pretended to be reluctant, just so that Darren would turn on the puppy-dog eyes he loved so much.  Secretly, though, he wanted to see the movie again as much as his boyfriend did.

 

The campers always seemed to want to sit as close to the screen as possible.  Chris and Darren found spots on an empty bench in the back, where they could hold hands under the table with no one the wiser.  Chris felt like they were on a first date.

 

It was strangely exciting to be sitting with his boyfriend in the semi-darkness, sliding their intertwined fingers apart and back together.  Darren rubbed his thumb in slow circles on the inside of Chris’s wrist, and Chris could feel his pulse quickening.  When Darren began drawing their linked hands enticingly up the inside of his thigh, Chris felt his breath begin to hitch.

 

Mustering his resolve, Chris forced himself to scoot slightly away from Darren on the bench.  “There are children present,” he whispered.  “Movie night has to stay G-rated.  Remember?”

 

Darren sighed.  He slid over so that he and Chris were once more hip-to-hip on the bench, but he did stop being such a tease.  Instead, he threw himself into whole-heartedly singing along with every song.  Relieved, Chris joined in.

 

After the ending credits rolled, Jacob and Blake, who were on duty that weekend, came over to beg Darren and Chris to join them at the campfire.  “Bring your guitar,” Jacob urged.  “I heard you singing, and I bet you can play all of the songs from that movie.”

 

Darren glanced at Chris, silently asking for permission.

 

“It sounds like fun,” Chris said.

 

After retrieving Darren’s guitar from the bunkhouse, the boys walked back together toward the campfire, which Jacob and Blake already had blazing.  “Are you sure you don’t mind?” Darren asked.  “I know this is our only night off together, so if you don’t want to go to the campfire I can always tell them I’ve changed my mind, and I’m too tired to play guitar tonight.”

 

“No, it’s fine.  I always love hearing you play.”

 

When they reached the campfire, they realized that word must have spread, because nearly the entire staff was gathered.  Somebody (Mark?) started up a chant of “Dar-ren! Dar-ren! Dar-ren!” and soon everyone had joined in.

 

Laughing, Darren removed his guitar from its case and began to strum the opening chords of “I’ll Make a Man Out of You.”  Since the song was fresh in everyone’s minds, most people immediately started singing along.  When he reached the chorus, Darren turned toward Chris, singing directly to him.

 

_Be a man -_

_You must be swift as the coursing river_

_With all the force of a great typhoon_

_With all the strength of a raging fire_

_Mysterious as the dark side of the moon_

 

Chris grinned and sang along.  He was enjoying being out in public with Darren, knowing that all of their friends were aware of their relationship and that he didn’t have to hide the lovesick look he knew he must be giving his boyfriend.

 

When the song ended, Darren immediately began playing another tune from the movie – “Reflection.”  After that, he moved on to other Disney classics, including “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid, and “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast.  At the line  _“Look, there he goes, isn’t he dreamy”_ Darren gave an exaggerated sigh and winked at Chris.

 

Although Chris could feel himself blushing, he realized that he felt more pleased than embarrassed.  He’d never thought of himself as particularly attractive, but Darren’s open admiration was flattering.

 

If this was what being out with Darren was like, Chris decided he could get used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there’s anyone out there who hasn’t seen the videos Darren posted of his Disney covers, here they are. Notice how young he was…   
> I’ll Make a Man Out of You - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI7mzibvUeY  
> Reflection - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eddcq90oXYg  
> Part of Your World - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C77jdPBjzM4  
> Belle - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DZVOR4K93k


	16. "We've never done anything like that before."

Saturday, July 19, 2008

 

The following weekend found the boys in Darren’s car, heading up the coast toward San Francisco.  As he drove north on Highway 1 (the slightly longer but much more scenic route) Darren pointed out the sights.

 

“Look – there’s the turnoff for Año Nuevo.  You can’t see it from here, but that’s the beach where the elephant seals mate and have their pups.  We’ll have to come back here over Christmas break and do the tour.”

 

“That’s Half Moon Bay.  Isn’t it beautiful?”

 

“Ooooh – Fitzgerald Marine Reserve!  Remind me to check the tide charts.  If low tide is at a decent hour tomorrow, I **have** to show you the tide pools on our way back to camp.” 

 

“Here’s Pacifica already.  We’re almost there.”

 

Chris just leaned back and took it all in.  Growing up inland, he’d rarely been to the ocean.  The views were breathtaking.

 

Once they’d turned onto city streets and were approaching Darren’s house, however, Chris began to feel a little nervous.  He’d met Darren’s parents many times, of course, but that had been years ago.  Regardless of what Darren said about his parents being “totally cool with it,” Chris couldn’t help but worry about how they’d react to him in his new role as “the boyfriend.”

 

“Relax,” Darren said, squeezing Chris’s hand as he parked at the curb.  “They’re going to love you.  Because I love you.  And because how could anybody possibly **not** love you?  Have you **met** you?  You’re totally loveable!”

 

Chris returned the pressure of Darren’s fingers, smiling at his boyfriend’s over-exuberance.  “Okay,” he said.  “Let’s do this.”

 

The boys gathered their bags full of dirty laundry from the trunk, then made their way up the steps to the front door of the house.  Darren let himself in with his key.  “Mom, Dad, I’m home!” he called out.

 

When there was no answer, Darren walked into the kitchen and picked up a note from the table.  Reading it silently first, he then explained to Chris, “My parents had to go to one of their charity things.  They’ll be back between 4:30 and 5:00.  So it looks like we’ve got the house to ourselves for a couple of hours.”

 

Chris let out a sigh of relief at getting to put off what he was still afraid would be a slightly awkward meeting. 

 

 “C’mon,” Darren said, heading up the stairs, “let me show you my room.”

 

Chris followed his boyfriend eagerly, curious to see what Darren was like in his native habitat.  Standing in the doorway of the bedroom, Chris noted with amusement that Darren had obviously been in a hurry when he’d left for camp at the beginning of the summer.  Dresser drawers stood half-open, and several clean outfits that Darren had apparently considered and then discarded lay on his unmade bed.

 

“Oops, sorry about the mess,” Darren said.  “I didn’t realize I was going to be having company.”  He quickly gathered up the stray clothing and tossed it into his dresser, pushing the drawers closed with one hip.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Chris said.  “I’m not your mother.”

 

“Nope.  If you were, you wouldn’t be allowed in my room,” Darren joked.

 

Chris wandered over to a corkboard on one wall.  He was surprised to see an old photograph of himself and Darren, arms around each other, laughing into the camera.  “Where’d you get this?” he asked.

 

Darren came over and wrapped his arms around Chris from behind.  “My mom took that at the beginning of the summer when we were twelve.  I’ve always loved that picture.  It reminds me how happy we were to see each other again after having been apart all year.”

 

“I always missed you so much,” Chris remembered.  “I lived for your letters.”

 

“Me too.  I kept every one you ever wrote me.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, wanna see?”

 

Darren opened his closet and pulled a box off of the top shelf.  Inside were hundreds of envelopes.  Chris recognized the progression of his handwriting over the years, from his childish printing, to his loopy cursive, to the hybrid combination of the two he’d settled into as a teenager.   

 

“I’m really sorry I stopped writing so often when we got older,” Chris said with a little catch in his voice.

 

“Hey, it’s okay.  We’ve talked about all that, and I understand.”

 

Chris draped his wrists loosely around Darren’s neck.  “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

 

“I love you, too,” Darren said, tipping his head for a kiss.  “You know,” he added, pulling back slightly, “my parents won’t be home for a couple of hours yet.  Do you think I could talk you into taking a shower with me?”

 

“Hmmm…. We’ve never done anything like that before.”

 

“Nope.  We’re shower virgins.”

 

“So this is another one of those ‘losing our virginities together’ moments that you were talking about?”

 

“Yep.  If you want it to be, that is.”

 

Chris hesitated for a moment.  For some reason, this felt like a big step.

 

Chris knew that he was in a process of self-discovery this summer, and one of the things he’d learned was that, although he didn’t have to worry about Darren pushing him sexually, he did have to be careful not to push himself.  So he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to gauge how he really felt about this before giving Darren an answer.

 

“I’d like that,” he said at last.

 

Darren beamed at him, taking his hand and leading him down the hallway.  They stopped at a closet to gather a couple of fluffy cotton towels and washcloths.  Once they reached the spacious bathroom, Chris began to feel a little self-conscious. 

 

Darren, free of inhibitions as usual, immediately began stripping off his clothes.  Chris wasn’t sure where to look.  He solved the problem by pulling his own shirt over his head, effectively blocking his view of Darren’s body.  Then, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, he bent down and stared steadfastly at the floor as he removed his boots and socks before standing up to remove his pants and, finally, his underwear.

 

Meanwhile, Darren had turned on the water, and was testing the temperature with one hand.  “Look – we’ve got this cool rainforest showerhead,” he pointed out. 

 

Chris smiled at him indulgently.  He found Darren’s enthusiasm about his enormous, ceiling-mounted showerhead – just like his enthusiasm about almost everything else in his life – to be endearingly contagious.  “It looks great, Dare.”

 

Finally satisfied that the water temperature was to his liking, Darren stepped into the shower, holding out his hand to help Chris in after him.  His touch was casual and friendly, and Chris felt himself beginning to relax.  He dared a glance at his boyfriend’s naked body. 

 

Given that they’d been (kind-of – Chris really wasn’t sure how he defined everything yet) having sex, he guessed that it was odd that he hadn’t seen Darren naked before (at least, not since they were kids).  But up until this moment, all of their encounters had been fully clothed: cuddled up together in their pajamas, just letting their bodies do what came naturally.  Now, giving himself permission to look at last, Chris was pleasantly surprised by what he saw.

 

The first thing he noticed was how muscular Darren had become.  Of course, they weren’t kids anymore, but it was more than that.  The past six weeks spent riding and working with the horses, not to mention lifting 100-pound hay bales, had left Darren toned and fit.  Glancing down at his own body, Chris was surprised to discover that his own muscles were more defined, as well.

 

Chris noted with interest that Darren had a little more hair than he did, but other than that, basic male anatomy seemed to be the same.  Dragging his eyes back up, he found Darren looking at him, amused.  “You were totally just checking me out, weren’t you?”

 

Chris grinned back.  “Maybe.”

 

“Well?”

 

“Well, what?”

 

“Do I pass inspection?”

“You’ll do.”

 

Darren flicked a washcloth at him.  “You are such a brat!”

 

“Hey!” Chris said, grabbing the washcloth and wrapping it around the back of Darren’s neck to bring him closer, “you’d better behave yourself if you want to have any chance of getting lucky here, mister.”

 

“Oh my god,” Darren said, eyes abruptly dilated and voice dropped low.  “Are you serious?  I thought I was lucky enough just getting you to agree to a platonic shower together.  You mean we’re actually going to get to **do** stuff, too?”

 

“We’ll see,” Chris replied, suddenly coy.

 

“Okay, well, now you’re just a brat **and** a tease.”

 

“Admit it – you love it.”

 

In an instant, Darren’s mood changed from playful to serious.  “I do love it.  And I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” Chris said, pulling Darren in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I realize that I'm being an even bigger tease than Chris by ending the chapter right there, but I'd really love some more comments, and I thought this might be the way to get them...


	17. "If you wash my back, I'll wash yours"

Saturday, July 19, 2008

 

Chris quickly took stock of the situation.  He was naked.  With Darren.  In the shower.  He sensed definite possibilities here.

 

“If you wash my back, I’ll wash yours,” he offered.

 

Darren immediately grabbed a bottle of orange-scented bath gel and lathered up a washcloth.  “Turn around,” he ordered.

 

Chris was quick to comply.  Now that he’d started this, he could feel a blush creeping into his face, and he was glad not to have to look Darren in the eyes.

 

Darren began at his shoulders, rubbing circles with the soapy washcloth before gradually working his way lower.  Chris leaned into his touch, his whole body craving more.  But Darren seemed reluctant to push his luck, stopping when he reached Chris’s lower back and handing over the washcloth.  “Your turn to do me,” he said.

 

Both boys turned around under the gently falling water, and Chris took a moment to note that the special showerhead really did make him feel like he was in a rainforest.  Adding a little more bath gel to the washcloth, he began to stroke it up and down Darren’s back.

 

Darren hummed contentedly, and Chris stepped closer, pulling the washcloth out from between them.  He reached around to the front, holding Darren against him with one arm while running the washcloth across his chest.  The touch of Darren’s warm, wet, naked body was intoxicating, and Chris could feel himself growing hard.

 

Setting the washcloth – and his inhibitions – aside, Chris began to explore Darren’s body with his hands.  He ran his fingertips along his boyfriend’s collarbones, then down over his pecs, before tracing around his nipples.  Darren shuddered against him, breath hitching.

 

“Is this okay?” Chris asked.

 

“This is **so** okay,” Darren answered, leaning his head back onto Chris’s shoulder.  Chris kissed his boyfriend’s outstretched neck, allowing his hands to continue their exploration.

 

As he gradually worked his way lower, Chris thrilled at the sense of power he had, feeling Darren’s muscles quiver under his touch and hearing his boyfriend’s ragged breaths, punctuated by little moans.  Taking Darren’s cock in his hand, he began slowly pumping up and down.

 

“Oh my god,” Darren gasped, “Please don’t stop!”

 

Chris had no intention of stopping.  He stroked faster, clutching Darren hard against his chest.  Darren thrust forward into his hand, his hips stuttering as he came.  Chris stroked him through his orgasm before gently turning him around and pulling him into an embrace.

 

Darren half-collapsed against him, and Chris staggered a little, supporting his weight.  He kissed frantically at the side of Darren’s face where it was buried against his shoulder.  Darren took a few more shuddering breaths before tipping his head to return the kisses.

 

“That was unbelievable,” he breathed.  “ **Please** let me return the favor.”

 

Chris smiled.  “Well, since you asked nicely.”

 

Darren kept one arm around him, stepping back slightly to give himself room to run his other hand down Chris’s belly to his aching cock.  Chris had half a second to wonder at how different it felt to have Darren’s hand wrapped around him than his own, before all conscious thought was driven from his head. 

 

Darren’s grip around his cock was firm and confident.  He gave a few tugs before swiping his thumb over the head, causing Chris to cry out in pleasure.  Darren brought their mouths back together, kissing him deeply as he quickened the pace with his hand.  Chris barely had time to register what was happening before he felt his orgasm overtaking him.  He clung to Darren as he came.

 

“Unbelievable,” he agreed.


	18. "Not Alone"

Saturday, July 19, 2008

 

Twenty minutes later, the boys were freshly washed, dry, and dressed in the last of their clean clothes.  Neither one seemed willing to break their connection, so they held hands as they gathered their dirty laundry to throw into the washer. 

 

Once their clothes were in the machine – a front-loader with plenty of room for both of their stuff – Darren led Chris to the living room and pulled him down on the sofa.  “Look,” he said, batting his eyelashes, “It’s another opportunity to lose our virginities together.” 

 

“Dare, honey, you know I’m totally into you, but it might be a little soon.”

 

Darren quirked an eyebrow at him.  “I just meant that we’ve never made out on a sofa before.”

 

Chris blushed.  “Oh.  Okay.”

 

Darren spun Chris around on the wide cushions, pulling him across his lap.  Chris went willingly, nestling his face into the crook of Darren’s shoulder.  He loved the feeling of Darren’s arms encircling him possessively.  Snuggling closer, he began kissing his boyfriend’s neck.

 

“Mmmm,” Darren hummed.  “I could get used to this.”

 

“Don’t get too used to it.  After all, we don’t have a sofa back at camp.”

 

“Well, then, let’s make the most of this one while we’re here.”

 

The boys soon lost track of time, drifting in a pleasant haze of kisses and caresses.  Chris was brought back to reality with a jolt when he heard the sound of a key turning in the lock and the front door began to swing open.  He leapt up off of Darren’s lap, catapulting himself into a nearby armchair.

 

Darren seemed unfazed.  He popped up with a big smile and rushed to greet his parents.  After hugging first his mom, then his dad, Darren grabbed Chris’s hand and pulled him up out of the chair.  “Mom, Dad, you remember Chris.”

 

“Of course,” Darren’s mom said warmly, at the same time as his dad said, “It’s nice to see you again.”

 

Chris hoped he didn’t look as though he’d almost been caught doing something naughty.  He said, in his most polite voice, “It’s good to see you again, too, Mr. and Mrs. Criss.  Thank you for inviting me.  You have a lovely home.”

 

“Oh, Chris, there’s no need to be so formal,” Darren’s mom said, stepping forward and wrapping him in a hug.  “Please, call me Cerina.  And my husband’s name is Charles, but he goes by Bill.”

 

“Yes, please, call me Bill,” Darren’s dad said, pulling Chris in for a hug as soon as his wife let go.

 

“Okay,” Chris said, realizing where Darren got his sense of ease with physical affection.  “Thanks.”

 

“Now, you boys must be getting hungry,” Cerina said, glancing at her watch.  “I’ve got chicken adobo going in the slow-cooker, and I rolled up the lumpia earlier, so all I need to do is fry them.  Would you like to help out by putting together a salad?”

 

“Sure, Mom,” Darren said, following her into the kitchen.

 

Chris trailed along behind.  He still felt a little shy, but his nervousness was quickly dissipating in the face of Darren’s parents’ warm welcome.  He was pleased to be asked to help out with the meal preparations; it made him feel like part of the family.

 

Bill joined them in the kitchen, gathering plates and silverware to set the table.  Darren chattered happily to his parents as they worked, filling them in on all of the details of camp life that hadn’t made it into his letters.  Chris chipped in now and then with an amusing anecdote, feeling more and more at home.

 

By the time they sat down to dinner, Chris had completely relaxed.  The meal was delicious.  Chris had never tried Filipino food before, and he was effusive in his praise.  Cerina beamed at him, urging him to take seconds.  It didn’t take much coaxing, since he could honestly say that this was the best food he’d had in months.  Brad and Ian were decent cooks, but they never dared to get too adventurous, instead sticking with traditional dishes that they knew the campers would eat.  The unusual flavors in Cerina’s cooking were a rare treat.

 

After dinner, Darren and Chris helped to clear the table and load the dishwasher.  Then, they went to get their long-forgotten laundry out of the washing machine and put it in the dryer.  When they returned from the laundry room, Cerina asked, “Chris, did Darren show you our guest room?  I already made up the bed with clean sheets for you.” 

 

Chris felt a surge of disappointment.  He’d been imagining spending the night in Darren’s room, but he guessed that was too much to hope for.  Before he could answer, Darren said, “I didn’t have a chance yet, Mom.  I’ll show him now.”

 

He led Chris down the hall to the only bedroom on the first floor.  It was a small room, with most of the space taken up by a double bed covered with a cheerful quilt.  Closing the door behind them, Darren said quietly, “Don’t worry, I’ll sneak down here and spend the night with you.”  Then, looking suddenly hesitant, he added, “If you want me to, that is.”

 

“Of course I want you to.  So long as you won’t get in trouble.”

 

“I won’t.  My bedroom is closest to the stairs.  No one will even notice.”

 

Chris smiled, giving his boyfriend a quick kiss.  “Good.  Now let’s go back out there before your parents start to wonder what we’re up to.”

 

 

Later that evening, Chris found himself sitting with Darren and his parents in a crowded café, listening to his brother Chuck’s band, the Freelance Whales.  Although their music wasn’t exactly what he usually listened to, he was really enjoying it.  Somewhat to his surprise, he was relaxed enough to also be enjoying holding Darren’s hand in public.  He guessed it helped that they were in San Francisco, where no one seemed to be fazed by the sight of two men holding hands.

 

At intermission, Chuck came over to greet his family.  Darren pulled Chris forward to introduce him.  “Hi,” Chuck said, giving him a hug, as everyone in the Criss family apparently did as a matter of course.  “I don’t know if you remember me, but we met a couple of times when I rode down with my parents to pick Darren up from camp.  It’s good to see you again.  I hear you’re making my brother very happy.”

 

“Yeah, I remember you,” Chris said.  “You were always the ‘cool older brother’ that I was a little in awe of.  Great show, by the way.  I really like your band.”

 

“Thanks.  I’m glad you and Darren could make it.  Speaking of which – Dare, you want to come up and do a song with me after the break?”

 

“I’d love to!”

 

Soon, Chuck was back on the makeshift stage, addressing the audience.  “While the rest of the band is still on their coffee break, I’d like to invite my brother Darren up to sing an old Bob Dylan song with me.”

 

There was scattered applause as Darren walked to the stage, picking up a guitar belonging to one of the other band members.  He and Chuck began a duet of “New Morning.”  Chris had never heard the song before, but he immediately liked it, especially the chorus, where the brothers’ voices blended in perfect harmony.  The rest of the café’s patrons obviously felt the same way, because they broke into thunderous applause at the end. 

 

After thanking the audience, the brothers held a whispered conversation.  Chuck then returned to his microphone to say, “Before the Freelance Whales come back on, I’m going to turn the stage over to Darren for one more song.”

 

Darren sat down at the keyboard.  “This is a song I wrote for my boyfriend, Chris.  It’s called ‘Not Alone’.”

 

As Darren struck the opening chords, Chris couldn’t believe his ears.  Had his boyfriend really written him a song?  And was he actually going to play it for him in front of all of these people?

 

Apparently so.  Chris felt his heart melting as he heard Darren’s voice, and the words he’d written.

 

_I've been alone_

_Surrounded by darkness_

_And I've seen how heartless_

_The world can be_

_And I've seen you crying_

_You felt like it's hopeless_

_I'll always do my best_

_To make you see_

_Baby, you're not alone_

_Cause you're here with me_

_And nothing's ever gonna bring us down_

_Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you_

_And you know it's true_

_It don't matter what'll come to be_

_Our love is all we need to make it through_

_Now I know it ain't easy_

_But it ain't hard trying_

_Every time I see you smiling_

_And I feel you so close to me_

_And you tell me_

_Baby, you're not alone_

_Cause you're here with me_

_And nothing's ever gonna bring us down_

_Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you_

_And you know it's true_

_It don't matter what'll come to be_

_Our love is all we need to make it through_

_I still have trouble_

_I trip and stumble_

_Trying to make sense of things sometimes_

_I look for reasons_

_But I don't need 'em_

_All I need is to look in your eyes_

_And I realize_

_Baby I'm not alone_

_Cause you're here with me_

_And nothing's ever gonna bring us down_

_Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you_

_And you know it's true_

_It don't matter what'll come to be_

_Our love is all we need to make it through_

 

Chris wasn’t aware of the applause as the song ended.  The audience may as well not even have been there.  Every fiber of his being was focused on only one thing – Darren, coming toward him.  Without thinking, he rose from his seat and rushed to meet his boyfriend.  Wrapping Darren in a fierce hug, he whispered, “I’m so glad I’m not alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a link to Darren and Chuck singing “New Morning” live - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVwAhqBvrNM  
> If you’d like to see Darren perform “Not Alone” live without hundreds of fans singing along, check out this livestream - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzJbM1vizuw  
> Please review, so I’ll know that I’m not alone… ☺


	19. "Eventually...  I can work with that."

Saturday, July 19 – Sunday, July 20

 

Back at the Criss family home, Cerina said, “Well, we’ve had a long day, and I know that you boys have, too.  Is there anything you need before we head up to bed?”

 

“No, that’s okay, but thanks, Mom.  I’ll just make sure that Chris is settled into the guest room, and then I’ll be right behind you,” Darren replied.

 

Chris said goodnight to Darren’s parents, who headed up the stairs.  Once they were out of earshot, Darren whispered, “I’ll just give them a minute to get into their room and shut the door, and then I’ll go on up and sneak right back down.  Wait for me in the guest room.”

 

Chris followed Darren’s instructions, and soon he heard unnecessarily loud footsteps clomping up the stairs.  The door to Darren’s room opened, and then closed with a bang.  A few minutes later, Darren tiptoed into the guest room, grinning.  “I changed into my pajamas and left my room again before I shut the door, so my parents would only hear it open and close one time.  And I was super quiet on the way down.  They have no idea I’m in here with you.  And their bedroom is on the far side of the house, so we don’t have to worry about them hearing us.”

 

“They’ve been so nice to me; I feel a little guilty about deceiving them like this.”

 

“ **You’re** not deceiving them.  You’re right where they told you to be.  I’m the one who’s sneaking around, and if it doesn’t bother me, then it doesn’t need to bother you.  Besides, I couldn’t pass up this opportunity to sleep in an actual double bed with you.”

 

“Well, good.  ‘Cause I would’ve been lonely down here without you.  Even when we don’t sleep in the same bed, I always like knowing you’re there in the room with me.”

 

“Baby, you’re not alone,” Darren half-sang.

 

Chris pulled him down onto the bed.  “That song was incredible.  I can’t believe you wrote that.  When did you even have time?”

 

Darren wrapped his arms around Chris, rubbing their noses together and giving him a quick kiss before responding.  “I worked on it every night while you were in the shower.  And on Thursday evenings, when you had to go to the campfire and I didn’t.”

 

“But you don’t even have a keyboard at camp.”

 

“I know.  I wrote it on the guitar, but I thought it would sound better on piano.  The chords are exactly the same, so I thought I’d give it a try on the keyboard tonight.”

 

“Do you have any idea how amazingly talented you are?”

 

“You’re just saying that because I let you have your way with me earlier,” Darren teased.

 

Chris blushed, but came back with “I seem to remember letting you have your way with me, too.”

 

“Well, then I guess **you** are amazingly talented as well.”

 

“Flattery will get you everywhere.”

 

“Really?” Darren asked, eyes going dark.

 

“Eventually.  But not tonight, and certainly not in your parents’ house while they’re asleep upstairs.”

 

“Eventually…  I can work with that.”

 

 

Chris and Darren slept in the next morning.  They awoke to the sounds and scents of breakfast being prepared.

 

“Shit!” Darren whispered.  “I thought I’d be up before my parents.  I don’t want them to know I slept in here last night.”

 

Chris rolled out of bed and hurriedly got dressed.  Grabbing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants from his bag, he tossed them to Darren.  “Here, put these on and pretend you’ve been up for hours.”

 

Darren did as he was told, and the boys made their way to the kitchen.  Darren went up to his mom and gave her a hug.

 

“Good morning, Sweetheart,” Cerina said.  “How long have you been up?  I didn’t even hear you come down the stairs.”

 

“Oh, you know, Chris and I are used to getting up at 6 every morning to round up the horses,” Darren said, which wasn’t actually a lie.

 

Cerina looked to the doorway, where Chris was standing awkwardly.  “Good morning, Chris.  How did you sleep?”

 

“Really well, thanks.  The bed in your guest room is very comfortable.”

 

“I’m glad.  Well, if you boys want to set the table and put out some orange juice, breakfast is almost ready.”

 

Soon, Chris was seated with Darren’s family at the table, digging into a scrumptious breakfast.  “Now I see where Darren learned to make his amazing French toast,” he told Cerina.

 

“Wow – things must be pretty serious between you boys if Darren’s already making you breakfast,” Bill said, smiling.  “You know, that’s how his mother roped me in.  I got hooked on her cooking, and 25 years later we’re still together.”  He winked at his wife, and she batted her eyelashes at him mock-coquettishly.

 

Chris felt inordinately pleased at the exchange.  Although Bill’s comments made him blush, he knew they signaled the kind of acceptance he hadn’t even dared to hope for. 

 

The tiny part of him that had been worrying that the reason Darren’s parents had put him in the guest room was because they were secretly homophobic, and disapproved of his relationship with their son, suddenly realized that the opposite was true.  They were behaving exactly as they would have if Darren had brought a girlfriend home.  If Chris and Darren had been just friends, they would have been allowed to share a room.  By asking Chris to sleep in the guest room, Darren’s parents were acknowledging the romantic nature of the relationship.   

 

Later that morning, as they said their goodbyes, Chris hugged both of Darren’s parents with genuine warmth. 

 

“I hope we’ll see you again soon,” Cerina told him.

 

“I hope so, too,” Chris replied, and he meant it.

 

 

Driving back down Highway 1, Darren insisted that they stop at Fitzgerald Marine Reserve.  He’d checked online, and timed their return trip to coincide with low tide.

 

“And it’s not just low tide – it’s a minus tide!  Do you have any idea how lucky we are that there’s a minus tide so close to noon?”

 

“Actually, I don’t.  I have no idea what you’re even talking about.  But I can tell by the way you’re bouncing in your seat that it’s pretty exciting.”

 

“Pretty exciting doesn’t even begin to describe it.  In fact, it’s indescribable.  You’ll just have to see for yourself,” Darren said, pulling into the parking lot.  “Come on!” 

 

Chris allowed Darren to take his hand and lead him down a short, steep trail to the beach.  The ocean was lovely, of course, but at first glance the beach wasn’t much to look at.  Chris began to wonder if Darren’s enthusiasm was a little misplaced.

 

As Darren half-dragged him out onto the partially exposed rocks, however, Chris looked down in wonder.  He’d never been to tide pools before, and he couldn’t believe his eyes.  Vibrant pink and green sea anemones waved lazy tentacles, while hermit crabs scuttled busily about.  Chris spotted a starfish, and squatted down to take a closer look.

 

“Is it okay to touch them?”

 

“Yeah.  Watch what happens if you stick your finger in a sea anemone.”

 

Darren’s finger disappeared as the anemone closed around it.

 

“Oooh – did it sting you?”

 

“No, it just feels tingly, and like it’s sucking on your finger.  Here, try it.”

 

Chris reached out a tentative finger, and gasped when the anemone sucked it in.  “Wow!  That’s kind of freaky.”

 

Darren tugged on his hand.  “Look, there’s a rainbow chiton!”

 

Soon the boys were pulling each other from rock to rock, peering down into each pool and exclaiming over what they discovered.  Chris felt like a little kid again. 

 

“Come on,” Darren said.  “The tide’s low enough that we can get out to the sea urchin beds.”

 

Holding hands, they made their way across the slippery rocks, helping each other across the wider chasms.  At the outer edge of the rocks they found the sea urchins.  Chris marveled at their deep purple spikes, waving in the current.

 

As they were making their way back toward the shore, Chris stopped short and pointed excitedly.  “Dare – look – an octopus!”

 

“Where?  Oh, wow, that’s so cool!  I’ve never seen one here before.”

 

“So I guess we’re losing our octopus virginities together today, huh?”

 

Darren brought their linked hands to his lips, brushing a kiss across Chris’s knuckles.  “God, I love you.”

 

 

Back in the car, heading south, Chris asked, “Do you know how to play Encore?”

 

“You mean that board game where you try to sing songs with the words on the cards?”

 

“Well, yeah, but you don’t need the board or the cards.  You can just take turns coming up with words.  And then you go back and forth until one person can’t come up with any more songs with that word in the lyrics, and the other person wins that round.”

 

“Oh, I’m going to be awesome at this game!”

 

“Do I sense a challenge?”

 

“Yeah.  And the loser has to give the winner a backrub.”

 

“You’re on.”

 

“Can I say the first word?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Okay.  Rain.”

 

Chris led off with “Singing in the Rain.”  Darren then broke into the chorus of “Fire and Rain.”  The boys went back and forth, mile after mile, singing song after song, until finally Chris had to admit that he couldn’t come up with any more.

 

“My turn to pick a word.  Moon.”

 

“Oooh, that’s a good one,” Darren said, launching into a rousing version of “Bad Moon Rising.”

 

Chris came back with “That’s Amore,” and Darren countered with “Blue Moon.”  Once again, they went back and forth.  This time, it was Darren who eventually had to concede.

 

“We’re almost there,” Darren said.  “Let’s just do one more word as the tie-breaker.  It’s my turn to choose.  Are proper names allowed?”

 

“Yeah, so long as they’re in enough songs to make it interesting.  Don’t say Ursula, or something.”

 

“Okay.  Let’s do Jesus.”

 

“No fair.  You went to Catholic school.  You’re bound to know way more songs about Jesus than I do.”

 

“Hey, I didn’t make the rules.  You said proper names are okay.”

 

“Fine,” Chris huffed, and started singing “Jesus Christ, superstar.”

 

It was quickly apparent that Chris had been right in his prediction.  Darren knew a **lot** of songs from all of those years of Catholic school.  Although Chris could remember a few from his own childhood Sunday school classes, he soon gave up.

 

“Yea!” Darren cheered, as they turned onto a familiar dirt road.  “I’m getting a backrub tonight!”


	20. "Best boyfriend ever"

Sunday, July 20, 2008

 

When Darren stepped out of the bathroom on Sunday evening clad only in a towel, Chris had to remind himself that it was okay to look.  He was about to see his boyfriend naked for the second time, and the thought gave him a fluttery feeling in his stomach.  He wondered whether he was overdressed in his pajamas, but decided that if he was actually going to give Darren the backrub he’d promised, then it was probably a good idea for him to keep his clothes on.

 

“C’mere,” Chris said, patting the bed.  “I seem to remember you won our little bet this afternoon, and I guess it’s time for me to pay up.”

 

Darren tossed his towel casually over the back of a chair and flopped down on his stomach.  “The thrill of victory,” he gloated.

 

“More like the thrill of being a cheater,” Chris shot back.

 

“You said proper names were allowed.  It’s not my fault you’re a heathen.”

 

“Hey!  Look who’s talking!  I’m not the one who lied to my mother.  And on a Sunday, too.”

 

“I didn’t lie to her.  I may have misled her a little bit, but everything I said was true.”

 

“Now you’re just arguing semantics.  I was a Speech and Debate champion in high school, Darren.  You’re not going to win this one.”

 

“But I **am** going to get a backrub, right?”

 

“Yes,” Chris relented, “you **are** going to get a backrub, even if you don’t really deserve one.  And do you know why?”

 

“Cause you’re the best boyfriend ever?”

“Got it in one.”

 

Chris straddled Darren’s waist and brought his hands to his boyfriend’s shoulders, which were warm and still a little damp from the shower.  He began to knead, marveling again at how muscular Darren had become.  Darren let out a sigh and relaxed under his touch.

 

Chris gradually worked his way down Darren’s back, varying his touch from gentle caresses to deep pressure, and reveling in the pleased little noises his boyfriend was making.  He scooted back until he was sitting against Darren’s ass, so that he could reach his lower back.  As Chris rolled his knuckles into the tight muscles there, Darren let out a low moan.  Chris could feel himself growing hard. 

 

Leaning down over Darren’s back in a way that pressed his erection into the curve of his boyfriend’s ass, Chris kissed the back of Darren’s neck, murmuring, “Now I know why you leapt up like the bed was on fire that time you gave me a backrub.  This is incredibly hot.  Is it okay if I move a little lower?”

 

“Mmmhmmm,” Darren smiled, tipping his face up for a kiss.  Chris obliged, before shimmying himself down Darren’s back, rubbing his throbbing cock against Darren’s ass for a tantalizing moment.  He forced himself to sit back on his heels, coming to rest on Darren’s thighs.

 

Chris leaned forward and brought his hands to Darren’s shoulders, sliding them slowly down until they came to rest on his ass.  Darren squirmed a little at the touch, and Chris placed his left hand firmly in the middle of his boyfriend’s back, steadying him as he would one of the horses.  With his right hand, he began rubbing leisurely circles around first one cheek, then the other.

 

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a magnificent ass?”

 

Darren let out a bark of laughter.  “Now, who would have told me that, other than you?”

 

“Um, anyone who’s seen this magnificent ass.”

 

Darren snorted, and Chris brought both hands to the ass in question, squeezing at the firm flesh.

 

Darren swiveled around, coming to rest on his back.  He brought his hands up to grip the hem of Chris’s pajama top.  “Off.”

 

“You want me to get off?”

 

“No – yes – that’s not what I meant…”

 

“Darren, you’re babbling,” Chris giggled.

 

Darren grinned up at him.  “I meant that I want your clothes off.”  Chris nodded, and Darren swiftly pulled off his shirt.  “And then I don’t want you to get off **of** me, I want you to get off **with** me.”

 

Chris could feel himself flushing as he hastily scrambled out of his pajama bottoms and boxers.  The moment he’d kicked his legs free, Darren reached up and dragged him down into a kiss.

 

Chris moaned, letting his body sink into Darren’s embrace.  He realized with a slight thrill that this was yet another thing they’d never done before – lying together naked, his weight pressing Darren into the bed.  The feeling of Darren’s hard cock, snug against his own, trapped between their overheated bodies, sent little jolts of pleasure coursing through him.

 

Chris’s hips began to move of their own accord, grinding down against Darren, who lay writhing beneath him.  Darren clutched reflexively at Chris’s ass, finally finding his rhythm.  The boys surged together, panting into their kiss.

 

Chris pulled his lips away from Darren’s as he came, biting his boyfriend’s shoulder.  Darren thrust up against him a few more times before he, too, came.  Cradling the back of Chris’s head, Darren rolled them over and resumed their kiss.

 

Chris felt breathless, boneless, and blissfully content.  He barely had the energy to kiss Darren back, passively allowing his boyfriend to lick into his mouth, smiling against his lips.  He loved the sensation of Darren’s body covering his own, solid and real. 

 

Darren finally broke the kiss and lay his head down on Chris’s shoulder.  “Best boyfriend ever,” he sighed.


	21. "Are we having our first fight?"

Monday, July 21, 2008

 

Falling asleep naked with his boyfriend on top of him had seemed romantic to Chris the night before, but when he woke up Monday morning he had a somewhat different perspective.  The alarm was blaring and Chris couldn’t reach it from where he lay, pinned under Darren’s still sleeping form.  He jostled Darren awake.  “Darren.  Alarm.  Morning.  Get up.”

 

As Darren groggily rolled off him, Chris grimaced.  His whole body was stiff from being held down in the same position all night, his stomach was covered in crusty, dried come, and the hair at the side of his neck was slightly damp from where Darren had apparently been drooling on him.

 

Chris groaned as he shuffled toward the bathroom.  He did a cursory job of cleaning himself up, then returned to the bedroom to find that Darren had gone back to sleep.  “Dare, come on,” he said, shaking his boyfriend’s shoulder.  “We’re going to be late for the round up.”

 

“Mmpf.  Five more minutes.”

 

“Dare, honey, have you looked at yourself?  You’re going to need those five extra minutes to make yourself decent enough to be seen in public.”

 

Darren grumbled, but got up.  He stared bemusedly down at himself, scratching absently at the dried come on his belly.  “Hmmph.”

 

By the time the boys made it to the corral, Zach and Robert were already mounted up and waiting for them.  “Rough night?” Zach asked, smirking.

 

Chris could feel his face heating up as Darren blithely answered, “Fantastic night.”

 

 

As the day wore on, Chris found himself feeling increasingly concerned about Darren’s cavalier attitude.  When they returned to their bunkhouse after dinner, Chris said, “I want to talk to you about something.”

 

“Baby, we can talk any time.  But this is the first chance I’ve had all day to kiss you.”

 

Darren reached for him, but Chris held up a hand to stop him.  “Dare, I’m serious.  We need to talk.”

 

Darren’s expression went from playful to alarmed in a heartbeat.  “That doesn’t sound good.”

 

“It’s nothing bad.  I just think we need to re-establish our ground rules about not sleeping together on work nights.”

 

“How can you say it’s nothing bad and then say that you don’t want me to sleep in your bed anymore?” Darren cried.  “That’s the **definition** of bad!”

 

“I didn’t say I don’t want you to **ever** sleep in my bed.  Saturday nights, when we’ve got plenty of time, and we don’t have to be up at the crack of dawn, we can still sleep together.  I just don’t want to have a repeat of this morning.  I felt really bad about making Robert and Zach wait for us like that.”

 

“We were ten minutes late.  Big deal.  They didn’t mind.”

 

“It was fifteen minutes, Darren.  And that’s not the point, anyway.  The point is, I **promised** David and Ryan that we wouldn’t let our relationship interfere with our work.”

 

“I’m sure they don’t even know we were late.  It’s not like Robert and Zach are going to run and tattle on us.”

 

“Again, Darren, not the point.  David and Ryan **trust** us, and we have a responsibility to them.  Do you have any idea how lucky we are to have these jobs?  I don’t want to screw this up.”

 

“Chris, baby, you’re overreacting.  Why do you have to take things so seriously all the time?  The world’s not going to end if you’re not perfect.  Just relax a little.”

 

“Well maybe **you** don’t take things seriously **enough** ,” Chris said, a little more sharply than he’d intended.  The sudden hurt in Darren’s eyes pierced his heart, and he immediately softened his tone.

 

“Dare, honey, I love that you’re so easy-going.  It’s one of the reasons I think we work so well together.  But I’m not like you.  If I feel like I’m being irresponsible, I’m going to feel guilty, and I hate that feeling.  And if our relationship is interfering with my ability to do the best job I possibly can, then I’m afraid I’m going to end up feeling bad about myself, and feeling resentful of you.  And I really don’t want that to happen.”

 

“This is because I drooled in your hair last night, isn’t it?”

 

Chris let out a snort of laughter, and the tension between them instantly evaporated.

 

“Are we having our first fight?” Darren asked.

 

“If I say yes, does that mean we get to kiss and make up?”

 

“Mmm hmm.”

 

“Well, then, yes, I guess we are.”

 

Darren took Chris’s face in his hands and brought their lips together for a tender kiss.  Pulling back slightly, he gazed directly into Chris’s eyes.  “You know I’ll always love you, right?”

 

“I know.  And I’ll always love you.  Even if you do drool in my hair occasionally.”

 

“So where does this leave us?”

 

“Well, for the rest of the summer, I really do think it would be best for us to only sleep together on Saturdays.” 

 

At Darren’s disappointed look, Chris added, “But the summer’s already half over.  And once we’re at Michigan, we’ll just have to make sure not to enroll in any 6 AM classes.”

 

“They don’t offer any 6 AM classes.”

 

“Well, then we’ve got nothing to worry about, do we?  Now come on, we’ve still got a little while before we have to leave for the campfire.  Let’s make the most of it.”

 

“Now that, I won’t argue with.”


	22. "Are you trying to woo me?"

Tuesday, July 22 – Sunday, July 27, 2008

 

Darren reluctantly submitted to Chris’s request that they sleep in their own beds for the rest of the week.  Every night, after they’d read a chapter of _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ (having already finished _The Goblet of Fire_ ) Darren would kiss Chris tenderly and then climb up onto the top bunk with a sigh. 

 

It seemed as though, for Darren, absence (even if only a few feet’s absence) really did make the heart grow fonder.  He was particularly attentive to Chris all week – complimenting him on his teaching, his riding, and his singing, presenting him with perfectly toasted marshmallows at the campfire, and showering him with gentle kisses whenever they were alone.

 

By Saturday afternoon, Chris had begun to feel like Darren was engaged in some sort of old-fashioned courtship ritual.  The boys had ridden out to one of their favorite private spots, and Chris was lying with his head in Darren’s lap as his boyfriend fed him seedless red grapes.

 

“Darren,” Chris asked, gazing up at him fondly, “Are you trying to **_woo_** me?”

 

“Maybe… Is it working?”

 

Chris laughed.  “Well, I’m certainly not complaining.  But you really don’t have to try so hard.  You’ve already **got** me.”

 

Although they were alone except for the horses, Darren glanced around and leaned down, as if he didn’t want to be overheard.  He murmured conspiratorially, “I want to blow you.”

 

It was a good thing that Chris had already swallowed his grape, or he would have choked on it.  He spluttered, “R-r-right now?”

 

Darren smiled at him, but his eyes were dark and serious.  “No. Tonight.  If you’ll let me.”

 

“Um… Okay.”

 

 

Chris didn’t know how he made it through the rest of the afternoon.  His body was thrumming with excitement.  He kept expecting Darren to leer at him, or to make some sort of suggestive comment, but his boyfriend remained as chivalrous as he’d been all week.

 

As soon as they’d finished dinner, Chris was ready to head back to the bunkhouse, but Darren suggested, “Let’s stay for the movie.  I wanna have a date night with you.”

 

Looking into those gorgeous hazel eyes, Chris just couldn’t refuse. 

 

The boys settled onto a bench at a table at the back of the room.  As soon as the lights went down, Darren slid his right arm around Chris’s waist, pulling Chris’s left hand across his body and interlacing their fingers.  He reached over and took Chris’s right hand in his own left, wrapping him in a snug embrace.  Chris leaned into him, resting their heads together.

 

As the opening sequence to _The Lion King_ flashed on the screen, Chris sighed and allowed his body to relax.  He realized that he needed this.  He’d been in a state of heightened alert ever since he heard Darren’s shocking words that afternoon, flitting between eager anticipation and a strange sort of nervousness.  Now, as Darren held him close, he felt his tension ebbing away.  He squeezed one of Darren’s hands, and received an answering pressure.

 

When the ending credits began to roll, Darren unwound his arms, turning on the bench to face Chris.  Grasping both of Chris’s hands in his own, Darren sang along to “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.”  And Chris could.   

 

 

Back in the bunkhouse, Darren took the first shower (the tiny shower stall in their bathroom being too small to even consider sharing).  Chris could hear the water running for a lot longer than usual, and was beginning to feel impatient by the time Darren finally emerged. 

 

Once he, too, was clean, Chris came out of the bathroom to find Darren dressed in pajamas, strumming idly on his guitar.  Glancing up, Darren quickly set the guitar aside and walked over to wrap his arms around his towel-clad boyfriend.  “Mmmm…  You smell good.”

 

Chris giggled.  “You mean I don’t smell like a horse, for a change.”

 

Darren nuzzled under his ear.  “No, I mean you smell **really** good.”

 

“C’mere,” he added, taking Chris’s hand and leading him to the bed.  “Can we lose the towel?”

 

Chris nodded, tossing the towel over the back of a chair.  He pulled off Darren’s shirt, but as he reached for the waistband of his boyfriend’s pajama bottoms, Darren grasped his hands, stilling them.  “I jerked off in the shower,” he admitted nonchalantly.  “I want tonight to be all about you.”

 

Chris found himself temporarily speechless, as Darren pulled back the covers and patted the bed, inviting him to lie down.  Once Chris was stretched out on his back, Darren lay down next to him, leaning on one elbow.  Brushing a stray lock of hair away from Chris’s forehead with a fingertip, he said, “I want to kiss you all over.”

 

“Be my guest.”

 

Darren began by kissing Chris’s forehead, then his closed eyelids.  He kissed the tips of Chris’s nose and chin, before working his way up Chris’s jaw to his sensitive earlobe, which he nibbled at teasingly.  He moved down the side of Chris’s neck, alternating his kisses with gentle nips.  Chris let out a pleased little hum.

 

Darren continued down Chris’s neck to his collarbone, tonguing the hollow above it, before sliding his lips to Chris’s shoulder and scraping his teeth lightly over his skin.  He worked his way gradually down the outside of Chris’s arm, lifting it up as he went. 

 

When he reached his boyfriend’s hand, Darren kissed the tip of each finger, then slowly drew one into his mouth, swirling his tongue in a way that made Chris gasp.  Looking up from beneath his thick eyelashes, Darren asked, “Is this okay?”

 

“Mmm hmm.”

 

Darren sucked on each finger in turn, and Chris’s cock twitched in vicarious pleasure.  He began letting out breathy little moans as Darren kissed up along the inside of his arm, stopping to tongue at the crease of his elbow.     

 

Reaching Chris’s armpit, Darren grasped his boyfriend’s hand and placed it down on the pillow over his head, giving himself better access.  He nosed into the soft hair there, making Chris squirm.  Relenting, he released Chris’s hand and began kissing his way down his side.  

 

Darren continued on along the outside of Chris’s hip and leg, scooting himself down on the bed until he reached his foot.  There, he gave his toes the same treatment he’d given to his fingers.  Chris’s feet tended to be ticklish, but the sensual way Darren was moving his tongue caused him to moan rather than giggle.

 

Darren began to kiss and nibble his way up the inside of Chris’s leg.  When his boyfriend reached his inner thigh, Chris drew in a sharp breath in anticipation.  Darren simply transferred his attention to the opposite thigh, however, beginning to work his way back down to his other foot. 

 

Chris let out a groan of mixed desire and frustration as Darren repeated all of his actions in reverse on the other side of his body, finally making his way back up to Chris’s face.  Chris grabbed him hard and pulled him into a desperate kiss.  “You’re killing me here,” he panted.

 

“I’m just kissing you,” Darren said innocently.  “You did say I could kiss you all over, right?”

 

“Oh my god, you are seriously going to kill me.”

 

Darren winked at him.  “At least you’ll die happy.”

 

And with that, he resumed his mission.  He kissed his way down Chris’s throat to his chest, then slid his tongue over to one nipple.  Chris cried out in surprise at the sharp jolt of pleasure that coursed through him.  Darren raised his head to smile up at him, then lowered it again to lap at the hard little nub.  Chris began writhing beneath him, fisting his hands in Darren’s hair and pulling him away.  “Oh my god,” he cried, voice strained, “why does that feel so good?”

 

“I don’t know,” Darren answered, pushing his head up into Chris’s hands.  “Can I try the other side?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Darren nibbled his way across Chris’s chest, swirling his tongue around the outside of his nipple before flicking lightly at the tip. 

 

“Ungh,” Chris breathed out, as Darren flattened his tongue, pressing Chris’s nipple firmly into his ribs.  “Fuck!”

 

“Christopher Paul Colfer!  I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear.”

 

“I had no idea… this was even like… a thing… for guys….  Do you even know… what you’re doing to me?  …It’s so intense…”

 

“I’m kind of getting that impression,” Darren said with a devilish grin.

 

“Do it again.”

 

Darren wasted no time in complying.  Chris could feel himself falling apart under Darren’s tongue as his boyfriend traced a path from one nipple to the other and back again, before sliding down to lick into his navel. 

 

By the time Darren reached his throbbing cock, Chris was out of his mind with need.  He barely had time to register ‘hot – wet – amazing’ before he was coming hard in his boyfriend’s mouth. 

   

Once he could speak, Chris panted out “Sorry.”

 

“Hey, no, why would you be sorry?”

 

“Because I came in like two seconds.  That has to have been the longest build-up to the shortest actual blow job in history.”

 

“But did you enjoy it?”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“Well, then, mission accomplished!”

  

 

Chris woke up the next morning to the feeling of Darren kissing the nape of his neck.  He snuggled backward into his boyfriend’s embrace, bringing their linked hands up so that he could brush his lips across Darren’s knuckles.  “Okay,” he said, turning their hands over and placing a kiss in the center of Darren’s palm, “as long as you promise not to make me late for work, you can sleep in my bed from now on.”


	23. "I could get used to this."

Sunday, July 27 –Thursday, July 31, 2008

 

Having succeeded in his quest to be allowed full-time access to Chris’s bed, Darren was careful to make sure that his boyfriend didn’t regret his decision.

 

On Sunday evening, as soon as he’d finished reading a chapter of _Harry Potter_ , Darren said, “Okay, it’s time for lights-out.  Let’s go right to sleep so we’ll be sure to wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for work tomorrow.”

 

“Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, Dare?  Are you secretly a were-squirrel?”

 

“Nope.  I’m a love-bug.  And I know that if I don’t want you calling the exterminators to chase me out of your bed, then I’d better let you get enough sleep on work nights.”

 

Chris giggled, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.  “Goodnight, you goofball.”

 

 

Monday morning, Chris woke up feeling refreshed.  Darren lay in his arms, warm and soft and surprisingly young-looking in his semi-awake state.  Chris felt a warm rush of affection for his boyfriend.  _“I could get used to this,”_ he thought.

 

The boys held hands as they walked through the early morning light toward the corral.  Knowing that none of the campers were up this early, Chris allowed Darren to pull him in for a kiss once they reached the gate.  A wolf-whistle from behind them announced the arrival of Zach and Robert. 

 

Chris could feel himself blushing, but as he was about to pull away, Darren grabbed his face with both hands and extended their kiss for a few more seconds.  Then, with a wink and a cheeky grin, Darren stepped back and launched into the chorus of “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning.”

 

He finished with a bow, and Zach and Robert applauded, laughing.  Chris pushed his boyfriend playfully on the shoulder.  “Come on, you show-off.  Lets go round up the horses.”

 

 

Throughout the rest of the day, Chris kept finding himself glancing over at Darren, thinking what a good team they made.  Whether they were teaching their classes or leading trail rides, Chris loved how effortlessly they were able to work together.

 

Both of them were naturals when it came to interacting with the kids – Chris because of the years he’d spent helping to take care of his little sister, and Darren because he was still such a kid at heart. 

 

Chris felt a huge sense of accomplishment at being able to take the absolute beginners (and some of the boys had literally never seen a horse before they arrived at camp) and bring them to the point where they could independently get their horses to walk, trot, turn, and halt.  It was even more rewarding for him to watch the progress made by the boys who spent multiple weeks at camp.  Whenever one of their students was able to pass the riding test to move on to the next level, both Darren and Chris were bursting with pride.

 

At the beginning of the summer, Ryan and David had monitored all of the riding tests.  The CHA guidelines were very clear about what riding skills the students at each level needed to demonstrate, but since each individual skill was rated on a scale of 1 to 10, there was some room for subjective interpretation.  To make the tests as objective as possible, Chris and Darren had been asked to mark their scores down separately, and then compare them with the scores given by David and Ryan, to make sure that they were holding the boys to the same level of performance.

 

At first, both Chris and Darren had tended to give the campers higher scores than either David or Ryan thought they deserved.  Chris had felt like it was a personal failure on his part if his students didn’t pass the test, and Darren was so used to seeing the positive in everyone that it was hard for him to be critical.  Ryan encouraged them to view things differently.

 

“Your have to understand that you’re not doing those boys any favors by letting your personal feelings get in the way of giving them accurate feedback.  It’s not fair to your students if you send them on to the next level without the skills they need to be successful.  That would deprive them of the opportunity to develop the solid foundation they need to become proficient riders.  And the bottom line is, you’re jeopardizing their safety if you pass them along before they’re ready.”

 

Chris and Darren knew that he was right.  They worked hard to cultivate their objectivity when it came to the riding tests.  By the end of the third week, the scores they gave were consistently matching up with those of their bosses.  From then on, David and Ryan had allowed them to administer the tests on their own.          

 

This week, though, things were going to be a little different.  Chris’s sister, Hannah, would be turning 12 on Friday, and Ryan and David had offered to take over as riding instructors on Friday and Saturday, so that Chris and Darren could spend a long weekend in Clovis.  Chris was deeply touched by their bosses’ generosity.  It was more important to him than ever to do a good job this week, so that when Ryan and David gave the riding tests on Friday they could be proud of the boys’ accomplishments.

 

Chris was pleased to realize that his boyfriend was taking their responsibilities just as seriously as he was.  Darren had been surprised that their bosses were willing to give him, as well as Chris, the time off for Hannah’s birthday.  He vowed to repay them by doing the best job he possibly could.

 

Although Chris and Darren had always worked hard, they redoubled their efforts this week.  They spent most of their free time discussing their students, and planning how to make their lessons more effective. 

 

Chris had a remarkable ability to see each camper’s individual strengths and weaknesses, and to tailor his teaching to meet each boy’s unique needs.  Darren excelled at finding ways to make learning fun, keeping their students motivated to improve.  Together, they were a force to be reckoned with.  Even Chris, who was usually so hard on himself, had to admit that they were doing a kick-ass job.

 

By the time they’d finished leading their final trail ride on Thursday afternoon, Chris was satisfied that he didn’t need to feel guilty about leaving for a long weekend.  He and Darren had earned it.


	24. "Mom, you're embarrassing me!"

Thursday, July 31, 2008

 

Chris didn’t want to stay at camp for dinner on Thursday evening, feeling too impatient to get on the road.  Instead, he and Darren stopped for fast food in Santa Cruz before heading out of town. 

 

The drive to Clovis was twice as long and not nearly as scenic as the drive to San Francisco, but the boys didn’t really mind.  Any time they spent alone together was, by definition, a good time.

 

Chris challenged Darren to a rematch of Encore.  Darren readily agreed, and they passed mile after mile, singing back and forth, and often joining in on each other’s songs.  By the midpoint of their journey, Chris was up, 9 words to 7, when Darren finally admitted, “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually tired of singing.  I give up.  You win.”

 

“Yea!  You owe me a backrub.”

 

“I guess I do,” Darren replied, not sounding disappointed in the least.

 

“I’ll have to decide when to cash it in, though.  If it happens this weekend, it’ll have to be strictly platonic.  I am **not** having sex in my parents’ house.  So maybe we’d better wait ‘til we get back to camp.”

 

“If you ask me nicely,” Darren purred, placing his hand on Chris’s thigh, “I might just give you two.  A G-rated one this weekend, and then an NC-17 one when we’ve got a little more privacy.”

 

The car swerved a little as Chris processed that offer.  “I promise to ask you **very** nicely, when we’re not in a moving vehicle.  But right now, you need to take your hand off of my leg, and change the subject, if you want us to get where we’re going in one piece.”

 

Darren grinned at him, taking his hand off of his boyfriend’s thigh and patting his shoulder.  “Okay, subject change.  Tell me all about your family.”

 

“Well, you already know quite a bit.  My parents have always been really accepting and supportive.  They’re great, but I don’t always feel like I can burden them with my problems, because they have to spend so much energy focusing on my sister.  No matter how many different medications they’ve tried, Hannah’s still having over 50 seizures an hour, every hour of every day.”

 

“What are they like, her seizures?”

 

“Most of the time, they don’t seem like a big deal to someone on the outside.  It’s just like something flicks off this switch in her brain, and suddenly she’s… gone… for a moment.  And then it flicks back on, and she’s with you again.  But it’s really hard on her, because she gets disoriented, and she might not be able to remember what she was doing right away.  And sometimes she has really bad seizures that she can’t come out of on her own, and my parents have to take her to the hospital.  That’s always scary.”

 

“Is it going to be an extra stress on Hannah and your parents, having me there this weekend?”

 

“No, not at all.  They all really want you to come.  Especially Hannah.  She’s so amazing.  She just loves everyone.  …Kind of like you do,” Chris added, fondly.

 

“I **like** everyone,” Darren corrected.  “I **love** you.”

 

 

It was almost nine o’clock by the time Chris pulled his car into his parents’ driveway.  He and Darren got their bags out of the trunk and walked up the path to the front door, which was, as usual, unlocked.  Jake, the golden retriever, barked a joyous welcome as they entered the house.

Chris’s mom came to greet them, shushing the dog.  She hugged Chris tightly.   Stepping back and gripping his shoulders, she peered at him closely.  “I know it’s only been a couple of months, but you’ve grown since the last time I saw you.”

 

Chris was surprised to realize that it was true.  He now had to look down to meet his mother’s eyes.

 

Turning away from her son, Chris’s mom said, “Welcome, Darren.  I’m so glad you could make it for Hannah’s birthday.  She’s really excited to see you.  She’d be down here right now, but she had a rough night last night, and Chris’s dad stayed up with her, so they’ve both gone to bed already.”

 

Darren stepped forward, opening his arms, and Chris’s mom gave him a (slightly surprised) hug.  

 

“Thanks so much for having me, Mrs. Colfer.”

 

“Please, call me Karyn.”

 

“Okay, then.  Thanks so much for having me, Karyn.  I’ve always wanted to see where Chris lived.”

 

“Well, it’s nothing fancy, but it’s full of love, and that’s the most important thing in a home, don’t you think?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“I know you’re probably tired from your drive, but would you like a snack before bed?”

 

“That sounds great.”

 

Darren and Chris followed Karyn to the kitchen, where she laid out cheese and crackers and grapes.  Sitting down at the table with the boys, Karyn said, “I got the air mattress out of the garage, but I didn’t bother blowing it up, because I didn’t know if you’d want to use it.  I know you’ve been sharing a bunkhouse at camp, but I wasn’t sure what your sleeping arrangements are.”

 

Chris could feel his face heating up.  He kept his eyes on his food as he answered, “Um, no, I don’t think we’ll need the air mattress.”

 

“Okay.  Well, since I’ve got you two alone, there’s something I want to talk to you about.  I’m not trying to pry into your personal lives, but I think it’s important that you have accurate information about sex, in case that’s something that ever becomes part of your relationship.  I know you had some sort of sex education in school, but I don’t suppose it was very specific when it came to discussing what gay men might do together.”

 

“Oh my god!” Chris cried, horrified.  “Mom, you’re embarrassing me!”

 

To Chris’s surprise, Darren came to his mother’s defense.  “Chris, your mom’s just looking out for you.  That’s what parents are supposed to do.”

 

Karyn smiled at him.  “Thank you, Darren.  And don’t worry, Christopher, I’m not planning on going into graphic detail at the kitchen table.”

 

Chris groaned, dropping his head in his hands.  Undaunted, his mother continued, “I’ve been looking online, and there’s some very dangerous misinformation out there.  But I found a website where you can get clear, factual answers to any questions you might have.  It’s called _Go Ask Alice_ , and it’s run by Columbia University health services.”

 

“Thanks, Karyn.  We’ll check it out.  Right, Chris?” Darren said, kicking him under the table.

 

“Yes, Mom,” Chris muttered, still feeling mortified.  “Now, if you don’t have any naked baby pictures of me that you want to show my boyfriend, can we please go to bed before I die of humiliation?”

 

“Okay, sweetie,” Chris’s mom said, getting up from the table and ruffling his hair as she walked past.  “Goodnight, Darren.  Sleep well.”

 

“Goodnight, Karyn.  Thanks again.”

 

Once his mother had left the room, Chris stole a glance at Darren.  One look at his boyfriend’s face, and the two of them burst into hysterical laughter.

 

It was a long time before either of them could stop.  Wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, Chris finally choked out, “I can’t believe you went along with that.  You are the biggest kiss-ass ever!”

 

Winking at his boyfriend suggestively, Darren retorted, “You wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chris has an amazing family. For an interview with Karyn Colfer about her daughter Hannah’s survival story, check out this link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWgGhnRVdP0  
> If you’d like to be a part of the Chris Colfer 23rd Birthday Project, you can make a donation in his name to help find a cure for epilepsy at this link - https://onlinegiving.nyumc.org/civicrm/contribute/pcp/info?id=513


	25. "I guess I got a little carried away."

Thursday, July 31 – Friday, August 1, 2008

 

Chris led Darren up to his bedroom.  Closing the door with a soft click, he turned to find his boyfriend crowding against him.  Leaning in close, Darren whispered in his ear, “Do you want to see what a kiss-ass I can be?”

 

“Darren!” Chris hissed.  “I told you – we are **not** having sex in my parents’ house!”

 

“I thought maybe a little ass kissing wouldn’t count.”

 

“Dare, you’re the one who said **everything** counts.”

 

“Damn - foiled by my own brilliance.”

 

“Come on,” Chris said, laughing, “it’s been a long day.  Let’s get some sleep.”

 

 

The boys woke up to sunlight streaming through the curtains in Chris’s room.  Chris yawned and stretched, enjoying the luxury of having been able to sleep in on a weekday.  Next to him, Darren stirred sleepily, cuddling closer. 

 

Chris kissed his boyfriend’s forehead, then rolled out of bed.  “Hey, no, where are you going?” Darren complained, reaching for him.

 

“You can go back to sleep if you want, Dare.  I’m going to go see if Hannah’s awake.”

 

Darren murmured something indistinctly, and closed his eyes.  Chris leaned over to kiss him once more before heading out to find his sister.

 

A moment later, Darren was shocked into wakefulness by the sound of two sets of high-pitched squeals.  Apparently, Chris and Hannah were excited to see each other.

 

Darren dragged himself out of bed and wandered down the hall in search of the source of the commotion.  He found Chris and his sister holding hands and jumping up and down on her bed, giggling.

 

Spotting his boyfriend in the doorway, Chris called out, “Hey, Darren.  Come meet Hannah.”

 

Never one to be outdone in the bouncing department, Darren hopped up to join the other two on the bed.  Chris and Hannah each let go of one hand in order to grab onto Darren, and soon all three of them were jumping up and down, shrieking with glee.

 

Chris’s father cleared his throat loudly from the doorway.  “If I have to fix the leg on that bed again, I’m going to make you help me, Christopher.”

 

Chris leapt off the bed and rushed to hug his father.  “Sorry, Dad,” he said.  “Hannah and I just really missed each other.”

 

“So I can see.  And hear,” Chris’s dad said, trying to sound stern, but failing miserably.  “I really missed you, too.”

 

Darren hopped down and came to join them.  “Sorry about the disturbance, Mr. Colfer,” he said.  “My mother would insist on telling you that she raised me to have better manners than this when I’m a guest in someone’s home.  I guess I got a little carried away.”

 

Chris’s dad smiled at him warmly and held out a hand for him to shake.  “Don’t worry about it, Darren.  Chris and his sister do this all the time.”

 

Darren shook the proffered hand, as Chris’s father added, “And please, call me Tim.”

 

“Thanks, Tim,” Darren said, smiling back at him.

 

Tim turned toward his daughter.  “So, birthday girl, what would you like for breakfast?”

 

“Can I have blueberry pancakes?”

 

“You got it.”

 

 

Hannah wanted to spend her birthday at the pool, so after brunch the whole family changed into their swimsuits and headed out to the car.  Leaving the air-conditioned house, Darren – used to the mild climate of the Bay Area – was shocked by how hot it was outside.  “Wow – it’s not even noon yet, and it must be 90 degrees out already.  No wonder you wanted to go to the pool.”

 

“It’s supposed to go up to a hundred this afternoon,” Karyn told him.  “But we’re used to it.  We’ll just keep re-applying our sunscreen, and spend the day in the water.”

 

When they reached the public pool, Darren was pleased to discover that it was less crowded than he would have expected.  He supposed that a lot of the local families must have their own pools, given the inland heat.  He followed the Colfers to a spot in the shade, where they laid out their beach towels and deposited their bags.  Then the five of them made their way down to the pool.

 

They started out in the shallow end, where Hannah happily splashed around, pulling the others into a series of made-up games in the water.  After about an hour, Chris’s parents decided they were ready to go sit in the shade for a while.  The boys continued to play with Hannah, slipping easily from underwater tea parties to shark tag to some sort of sea otter fantasy game that Darren couldn’t quite grasp, but enjoyed nonetheless. 

 

Eventually, Hannah asked if they could go on the water slide.  Chris said “sure,” and the three of them made their way over to the stairs.  Compared with slides Darren had been on at Waterworld or Raging Waters, it wasn’t particularly impressive – just a two-story climb, with a curving tube that sloped gradually down and emptied into the pool.  The good thing about this one, though, was that there wasn’t much of a line.  In a couple of minutes, they had reached the top.

 

Hannah sat down at the top of the slide, and Chris positioned himself behind his sister, wrapping his arms around her.  The lifeguard held out a hand to stop them.  “One at a time on the slide,” he said, tapping a metal sign on which the rules were posted.

 

“My sister has special needs,” Chris explained.  “Someone has to ride with her.”

 

“Sorry,” the lifeguard said.  “I can’t let you go down together.  I’ll lose my job if I don’t enforce the rules.”

 

Chris sighed, getting to his feet, and pulling Hannah up behind him.  “You go on down,” he said to Darren.  “Hannah and I will meet you at the bottom of the stairs.”

 

“No, that’s okay, I’ll stay with you guys.”

 

The three of them walked back down the stairs, Chris trying to explain to his sister why they couldn’t go down the slide.  “I know we’ve done it lots of times before, but this lifeguard must be new.  He doesn’t understand that it’s okay.  We’ll just go talk to Mom and she’ll get it sorted out.”

 

When she heard what had happened, Karyn went to go speak with the pool manager.  Hannah, Chris, and Darren flopped down in the shade with Tim to wait for her. 

 

Karyn returned shortly.  “I reminded the manager about the Americans with Disabilities Act, and he said he’d go talk with the new lifeguard right away.  Give him a few minutes, and then you can head back down.”

 

When Darren, Chris, and Hannah returned to the top of the slide, the lifeguard greeted them with an apologetic smile.  “Sorry, guys.  I wasn’t trying to be a jerk.  I just didn’t want to get in trouble with my boss.  But he says it’s fine for you to ride together.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Chris told him, returning the smile.  “I know you were only trying to do your job.”

 

Chris held Hannah in front of him, and the two set off down the twisting slide.  Hannah squealed joyfully, and Chris couldn’t help but join in.  When they reached the bottom, Chris made sure to find his footing immediately, carefully holding on to his sister to keep her head out of the water.  Darren followed a moment later, landing near them with a splash and a whoop.

 

“That was great!” he cried.  “Let’s do it again!”

 

After several more trips down the slide, Hannah turned to Darren and asked, “Will you ride with me next time?”

 

Darren glanced at Chris, silently asking if that would be okay.  At Chris’s nod, he replied, “I’d love to.”

 

Chris looked on fondly as Darren sat down behind Hannah, carefully cradling her against his chest.  The sight of his boyfriend holding his sister protectively in his arms almost brought tears to his eyes. 

 

When he reached the bottom of the slide, Chris found the two of them jumping up and down in the water together.  “That was awesome!” Darren exclaimed.  “It’s so much faster with two people.  Will you ride with me again?”

 

Hannah looked thrilled.  “Yeah,” she said, grabbing Darren’s hand and pulling him toward the side of the pool.  “Come on!”

 

After Darren and Hannah took a second trip down the slide, Chris stepped in and said that it was his turn to ride with his sister.  Hannah giggled delightedly as the boys pretended to fight over her before finally agreeing to take turns.

 

By the end of the afternoon, all three of them were blissfully exhausted.  Hannah fell asleep during the car ride home, sitting in the backseat between Chris and Darren.  Chris leaned over and whispered to his boyfriend, “Thanks for being so good with her.”

 

“It was my pleasure,” Darren answered sincerely.  Chris smiled at him affectionately.  It meant the world to him to know that it was true. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't picked up on the pattern, I wanted to point out that I post a new chapter whenever someone writes a comment or gives me kudos. So you can thank Tery for this chapter, and you can also encourage me to update more often by letting me know that I'm not posting into a vacuum... Thanks for your feedback! :)


	26. Go Ask Alice

Friday, August 1, 2008

 

Following an early dinner, Tim asked Hannah if she’d like to pick a movie to watch.  After some deliberation, she chose Shrek, and the family settled down in the living room.  Hannah insisted on sitting between Chris and Darren on the sofa, and neither of the boys minded.  They all snuggled up together under a throw that Karyn had knitted, pleasantly tired from their day at the pool.

 

Hannah fell asleep three-quarters of the way through the movie, but her father waited until it was over before carrying her up to her room.  Yawning broadly, Chris told his mother, “I think we’ll head to bed early, too.  Goodnight, Mom.”

 

“Goodnight, Chris.  Goodnight, Darren.”

 

“Goodnight Karyn.  See you in the morning.”

 

Chris and Darren made their way upstairs.  Once they were in Chris’s room with the door closed, Darren asked, “Are you really that tired out from swimming?  It’s only eight o’clock.”

 

Chris smiled at him conspiratorially.  “I thought we could do a little research, but I didn’t want my mom to know she was getting her way.”

 

It took a moment for Darren to realize what his boyfriend was talking about, but once he did he let out a bark of laughter.  “You want to check out that website she mentioned, don’t you?”  
  
“Well, yeah.  Don’t you?” Chris asked, turning on his laptop.

 

“Definitely.  What was it called, again?”

 

“ _Go Ask Alice_.  Like that book about the girl on drugs that I’ve heard about but never read.  …Okay, here it is,” Chris said, clicking on the first link to appear in google.  “Where do you think we go from here?”

 

“Try the _Q & A Library_,” Darren suggested.

 

“Okay.  Now, I guess we want _Sexual and Reproductive Health_.”

 

“Well, not the reproductive part, so much.”

 

Chris laughed.  “Okay.  Wow – there’s so many headings to choose from.  And some of them seem a little scary…”

 

“Let’s pick something basic, to start with.  How about _Sexual Questions_?  That sounds pretty generic.”

 

“Okay.  But now we’ve got a lot more headings.  Wanna try _Anal Sex_?”

 

Darren snorted, and Chris shoved his shoulder.  “Hey!  You know I didn’t mean it like that!”

 

Darren grinned at him.  “Baby, you’re blushing.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Darren bumped their shoulders together.  “Sorry.  Go ahead and click on the _Anal Sex_ link.”

 

“Okay.  But now we’ve got all these questions to choose from.  And I am **not** going to be the one to suggest anything else tonight.”

 

“Come on.  I said I was sorry.”

 

“Yeah, but you didn’t mean it.”

 

“You’re right.  You’re just too much fun to tease.”

 

“Well, turn-about is fair play.  So you just wait…”

 

“Here, this one sounds good.  ‘ _Doin’ the butt_.’  Click on that.”

 

“You **would** pick the one topic that sounds like it was written by a middle-schooler with a dirty mind rather than an Ivy League doctor.”

 

“Hey, you said I could choose.  That’s the one I wanna read.”

 

“Fine,” Chris said resignedly.  “You read it out loud, then.”

 

So Darren read, one topic after another, putting on various accents and funny voices, until both boys were rolling around on the bed, laughing uncontrollably. 

 

When they finally stopped to catch their breath, Chris turned to Darren, suddenly serious.  “You know, I’m glad we’re learning about this stuff, because I think it’s good information to have.  But honestly, I don’t know if it sounds like something I’d be comfortable actually doing.”

 

“Baby, you know we never have to do anything you don’t want to.  And look, it says right here ‘ _Not all gay men have anal sex_.’  So it’s not like the Gay Sex Police are going to come and take away your membership card if it’s not something you’re into.”

 

“But is it something **you’re** into?  Because I don’t want you to feel frustrated, or like you’re not getting what you need out of our relationship.”

 

Darren set the laptop aside to take both of Chris’s hands in his own.  “Baby, look at me,” he said, voice low and earnest.  “I love you.  Nothing’s going to change that.  All I need out of our relationship is to know that you love me back.  And that has nothing to do with whether or not you ever want to fuck me in the ass.”

 

“Wait – you’d want me to top?”

 

“Baby, I told you.  I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.  But yeah, I guess, when I’ve imagined it, I’ve always pictured you inside me.  Why?  Have you been thinking about it the other way ‘round?”

 

“Um, yeah,” Chris admitted.  “And it seems kind of scary.  Not that I don’t trust you, because you know I totally do.  I’m just afraid that it would be awkward, and uncomfortable, and that I wouldn’t enjoy it.  …And then how could I possibly want to do something to you that I wouldn’t want you doing to me?”

 

“Chris, baby, I know it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, because we’re so close, but we **are** two different people.  We’re not always going to like the same things, or want the same things.  And that’s okay.  When you think about ‘doing something to me,’ all you need to care about is whether it’s something you’ll enjoy doing and I’ll enjoy having you do.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re ever going to want me to reciprocate or not.  I just get off on making you feel good, and I hope you feel the same way.”

 

“Oh, god, I **so** do.”

 

“Well, then, do you think that topping is something that might make you feel good?”

 

“Can I think about it and get back to you on that one?”

 

“Take all the time you need.  Now, are you ready for the G-rated version of that backrub I promised you?”

 

“That sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Go Ask Alice is an actual website, and all of the links I described are really there, even the one for “Doin’ the butt.” Seriously, folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up.


	27. "Let's go try it out"

Saturday, August 2, 2008

 

Although Friday had been Hannah’s actual birthday, her party was scheduled for Saturday afternoon.  Karyn and Tim had invited everyone in their large extended family.  They had been making preparations for weeks, but, as often seems to happen, there were a few last minute errands that needed to be taken care of.

 

“Chris, would you and Darren mind running to the store to pick up a couple of things for me?” Karyn asked.

 

“Sure, Mom.  Just give me a list.”

 

The boys drove to the supermarket.  As they walked through the parking lot toward the store, Darren reached for his boyfriend’s hand.  Chris quickly jerked away.  “This isn’t San Francisco, Darren,” he hissed.  “Guys don’t hold hands in Clovis unless they want to be gay-bashed.”

 

Darren looked at him sadly.  “Are you serious?”

 

“Serious as a heart attack.”

 

“I hate that you had to grow up here.”

 

“It wasn’t all bad.  But I can’t say I’m sorry to finally be able to escape.”

 

Darren’s eyes said that he was aching to give Chris a hug, but he held himself back.  The exchange put the boys in a slightly somber mood, and they didn’t talk much as they completed their shopping and headed back to Chris’s house.

 

After handing the groceries to Karyn, and receiving her thanks, Darren said, “I saw a Funtime Party truck pulling away from the curb just now.  Were they dropping something off here?”

 

“Why don’t you take Hannah out back and see?” 

 

Chris called to his sister, and the three went outside.  A two-story bounce-house was set up in the back yard.  It came complete with an external slide, to which a hose was affixed at the top, sending a cascade of water down into a shallow pool at the bottom.  Darren was nearly as delighted with it as Hannah was.  “Wow!” he exclaimed.  “You’re having the coolest birthday party ever!”

 

“I know,” she said, beaming back at him.

 

“C’mon,” Darren said, grabbing her hand.  “Let’s go try it out.”

 

“Shoes off,” Chris reminded them, feeling like the only grown-up present.

 

Darren and Hannah quickly pulled their shoes off.  Darren clambered up into the bounce-house, tugging Hannah up behind him.  Chris removed his own shoes and went to join them.  He found his boyfriend and his little sister clutching each other for balance as they struggled to stay upright on the shifting surface beneath them.

 

Chris gave a tentative jump.  As the floor of the bounce-house sank down under his feet, it popped up under Darren and Hannah, causing them to topple over, laughing.

 

Chris’s mom stuck her head in through the mesh-covered doorway.  “Come on out, Hannah,” she called.  “I want you to put your swimsuit on before you go down the water slide.”

 

Chris and Darren each took one of Hannah’s hands, helping her to her feet.  They made their way cautiously to the doorway, where Karyn helped her daughter to climb down.  Poking her head back in, she said, “I know you boys are old enough to make your own decisions, but you might want to consider getting your swimsuits on, as well.”

 

“Don’t worry, Mom.  We’ll get changed before we go down the slide.”

 

As soon as he heard the back door close behind his mother and sister, Chris tackled Darren.  The two boys fell in a tangle of limbs, bouncing and rolling.  When they came to rest, Chris was on top, pinning Darren beneath him.

 

“Oooh, you brat!” Darren cried.  He struggled to flip Chris over, but it was impossible to get any leverage against the springy floor of the bounce-house.  Changing tactics, he slid his fingers under the hem of his boyfriend’s shirt, tickling him mercilessly.  Chris squealed with laughter, rolling out of his grasp.

 

Darren followed up on his advantage, grabbing Chris by the ankle as he struggled to get away.  But Chris, not to be outdone, launched himself back at his boyfriend, taking him by surprise.  This time, he seized both of Darren’s wrists to make sure there would be no more tickling.

 

The boys grappled, laughing, until Chris finally managed to pin Darren.  Straddling his boyfriend’s waist, and holding his wrists down, Chris grinned in triumph.  Feeling Darren’s body go slack beneath him, he glanced down into wide eyes, as his boyfriend’s breath hitched through parted lips. 

 

Chris was leaning down for a kiss when he heard his mother calling loudly from across the yard, “I’m not sure what’s going on out there.  Is it safe for me to send Hannah back out to join you?”

 

“Yeah, Mom,” Chris answered, trying to keep his voice as steady as he could.  “We’re just fooling around.”

 

As he heard the words come out of his mouth, Chris winced at his unfortunate phrasing.  “Um, I mean, sure, send Hannah out.  We’ve been waiting for her.”  He quickly rolled off of Darren, filing his boyfriend’s reaction away for later.

 

 

The party was scheduled to begin after lunch.  Darren was helping to set up tables in the back yard when a girl about 15 years old came in through the gate from the driveway, followed by a middle aged woman.  Spotting Darren, the girl walked over, smiling.

 

“Hi, I’m Hannah’s cousin Melanie.”

 

“Hi, Melanie.  I’m Darren, Chris’s boyfriend.”

 

The middle-aged woman, who had come over to join them, exclaimed, “I didn’t know Chris was gay.”

 

“Mom!  Have you been living under a rock?  How could you not know that Chris is gay?”

 

The woman turned on her daughter.  “Well, excuse **me**.  But no one ever bothered to mention it.  And aren’t you the one who’s always telling me not to make assumptions about people based on stereotypes?”

 

Then, turning to Darren, she added, “Nice to meet you, Darren.  I’m Chris and Hannah’s Aunt Patty.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Darren said, shaking hands.  Then he quickly excused himself, so that he could go find Chris to see if he needed to do any damage control.

 

Spotting his boyfriend in the kitchen, Darren pulled him aside.  “Baby, please don’t be mad at me, but I think I just accidentally outed you to your Aunt Patty.”

 

Chris laughed.  “Don’t worry about it.  It’s not like I’ve been trying to keep anything hidden.  I just never bothered to make a big announcement at a family reunion, or anything, ‘cause I figured everyone automatically assumed I was gay.  Aunt Patty’s probably the only one who’s been clueless enough not to realize it.”

 

“So you’re not mad?”

 

“No, I’m not mad.  And I don’t have any problem with introducing you to everyone as my boyfriend.  In fact, it seems like a much more natural way of coming out than dinging on a glass with my spoon and saying ‘Can I have your attention please – I’ve got something I need to tell you all.’  Plus, my mom’s probably mentioned you to most of them by now, anyway.”

 

Darren grinned at him, relieved.  “I’m glad.  I was afraid I’d really screwed up, especially after you were so adamant about it not being safe to hold hands in public this morning.”

 

“Darren, that’s totally different.  These people are my family.  Even if I only see some of the ones who live out of town – like Aunt Patty – a couple of times a year, I know them well enough to be sure that they’re going to stick by me, whatever happens.  So come on, let’s finish getting things set up, before the whole crazy pack of them descend on us.”

 

 

Chris was as good as his word, introducing Darren as his boyfriend to each relative who showed up.  Most of them seemed unsurprised, although there were a few amusing exceptions.

 

One of Chris’s cousins, who was about their age, peered at Darren closely before saying, “So, you’re Darren, huh?  I’ve been hearing about you for years, but I always thought you were Chris’s imaginary friend.”

 

Darren found that one pretty funny, but his favorite moment came later, when a little girl asked, “Why does Chris have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend?”

 

With a perfectly straight face, her older brother immediately answered, “Because he’s lucky!”


	28. "Lookie what I got."

Saturday, August 2 – Sunday, August 3, 2008

 

By seven o’clock, the party was winding down.  The bounce-house (which had been a huge hit with all of the kids, and quite a few of the adults, as well) had been picked up by the Funtime Party truck, and most of the guests had departed shortly thereafter. 

 

Hannah decided that she wanted to watch Shrek 2, so Chris and Darren, along with the remaining cousins, joined her in the living room.  There weren’t enough seats for everyone, so Darren and Chris sat on the floor, leaning back against the sofa, and holding hands under a throw blanket.  Darren sang along with all of the songs, and Chris joined in on a few.

 

When the movie ended, Chris noticed that Hannah had once again fallen asleep.  He went to find his dad to carry her up to bed.  The rest of the guests said goodnight and headed home, and Chris led Darren up to his room.

 

As soon as the door was closed, Chris pushed Darren down on the bed.  “I’ve been wanting to kiss you all day.”

 

“Then why didn’t you?”

 

“My family’s not big on the whole PDA thing, and it would have felt weird.”

 

“Well, we’re alone now…”

 

“That we are,” Chris sighed, flopping down next to Darren and finally giving in to the urge to kiss him.  Once the kiss started to get a little heated, though, he pulled away.

 

“What’s wrong?  I thought you said you’d been waiting all day to kiss me.”

 

“I know.  I just don’t feel comfortable making out in my parents’ house.”

 

Darren sighed.  “You know this doesn’t have to lead anywhere, right?”

 

“I know.  But I’m afraid I’ll get carried away, and then one of us will make a _noise_ , and then I’ll never be able to look my mother in the eyes again.”

 

Darren laughed.  “Well, you do tend to get a little noisy when you’re turned on.”

 

Chris blushed.  “I’m not the only one.”

 

“Okay, I guess we can wait one more day before we get to make out properly.  Can we at least cuddle, though?”

 

“Yeah.  But let’s get ready for bed first.  I don’t want to fall asleep in these clothes.”

 

Soon the boys, now wearing their pajamas, were back in bed, slotted together like spoons.  Snuggling up against his boyfriend’s back, and wrapping his arms around him more tightly, Darren murmured, “I think I might like this even better than kissing.”

 

Chris hummed his agreement.  They lay together quietly, feeling each other’s heartbeats.  Darren was just drifting off to sleep when Chris whispered, “You know that question you asked me last night?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

 “About whether I thought I’d enjoy topping?”

 

Darren’s eyes flew open, and he was instantly awake.  “Yeah,” he answered in a low voice.

 

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it.”

 

“And?”

 

“And I think I would.  Enjoy it.”  Then he added quickly, “I don’t mean right now.  But someday.”

 

Darren laughed softly against the back of his neck.  “Baby, I think I could have figured out that last part on my own, given the fact that you don’t even feel comfortable kissing me in your parents house.”

 

Chris laughed, too.  “Yeah, I know.  But that’s not what I meant.  Even if we weren’t here, I don’t know if that’s something I’m ready for yet.  But I’ve been thinking about it, so I thought I should let you know.”

 

“Well, you can probably guess how I feel about that,” Darren said, and Chris snorted, wiggling his ass back into his boyfriend’s obvious hard-on.

 

“Good to know.”

 

 

The next morning, as the boys lay in each other’s arms, Darren said, “You know, maybe we should pick up some supplies on our way out of town.”

 

“Supplies?”

 

“Yeah.  Like lube.  And condoms.  Just in case we ever need them.”

 

“Darren, we’re in Clovis.  If I didn’t feel comfortable holding your hand in public at the supermarket yesterday, do you really think I’m going to walk into a store with you to buy lube?”

 

“You don’t have to come in with me.  You can wait in the car.”

 

“I wouldn’t even know where to go.  Who carries that stuff?”

 

“I bet Target does, and I saw one on our way here.  Let’s check online.”

 

Chris turned on his laptop.  Sure enough, Target had what they needed.  “Wow,” Chris said.  “Who knew there were so many different kinds of lube?  How do we know what to get?”

 

“Well, _Go Ask Alice_ said it’s gotta be either water-based or silicone, so that it won’t break down the condom.  Other than that, I guess it’s just personal preference.  Any requests?”

 

“Surprise me.”

 

 

Later that morning, having said their goodbyes to Chris’s family, the boys headed to Target.  Chris waited in the parking lot, feeling self-conscious.  He knew it was silly, but he worried that someone he knew would walk by and stop to ask what he was doing.

 

Darren returned to the car with a bag in his hand and a big grin on his face.  “Lookie what I got,” he said proudly, emptying the bag onto the console between the front seats.

 

Chris had been expecting the condoms and lube (Astroglide, since Darren thought that one had the coolest name) but was surprised to also see a tub of Seventh Generation baby wipes.  “We’ve only been dating a couple of months, Dare.  Don’t you think it’s a little early to start thinking about having kids?” he joked.

 

“Very funny.  No, these are for quick and easy clean up.  That way, we won’t have to spoil the afterglow by getting out of bed to go wash off, and you won’t be in a pissy mood the next morning from waking up covered in dried come.”

 

Chris grimaced at him.  “Don’t remind me.  That was **so** not romantic.”

 

“Well, that’s why I got the baby wipes.”

 

“I bet the cashier gave you a funny look when you went to check out.”

 

“Nope.  She was actually trying to flirt with me.  But I got her to back off by telling her I was in a hurry ‘cause my boyfriend was waiting in the car.”

 

“You didn’t!”

 

“I totally did.  You should have seen her face.”

 

“Oh my god, Darren!” Chris cried, hurriedly starting the engine and backing out of his parking space.  “My family lives in this town!  What if someone overheard you and saw you walk out and get in my car?”

 

“Then they’ll know what a hot boyfriend I’ve got,” Darren replied unconcernedly.  “Now, let’s get the hell out of this cow town so I can kiss you!” 


	29. "I keep waiting for you to ask..."

Sunday, August 3 – Tuesday, August 5, 2008

 

Returning from their long weekend, Chris and Darren were quickly sucked back in to the whirlwind that was camp life.  They were pleased to hear that three of their beginners and two of their intermediate students had passed the riding tests in their absence.  Ryan told them that everything had gone fine while they were away, but that he and David were glad to have them back.

 

“Yeah,” David added.  “We’d forgotten what hard work it is being riding instructors.  We’re getting too old for that life.”

 

“Speak for yourself,” Ryan said.  “I had fun.  And I hope you two had a good time in Clovis.”

 

“It was great getting to see my family,” Chris answered.  “Thanks so much for letting us go.  It really meant a lot to my sister to have us there.”

 

“No problem,” Ryan said.  “But the party’s over now, so get back to work!”

 

 

The boys easily fell back into their old routine.  Chris had completely forgotten about the backrub Darren still owed him, so he was pleasantly surprised on Tuesday evening when his boyfriend returned from his shower, naked, and announced, “I seem to remember saying that if you asked nicely you might get an NC-17 version of a massage.  I keep waiting for you to ask…”

 

Chris leapt up from his chair and wrapped his arms around Darren’s neck.  Gazing directly into his boyfriend’s eyes, he purred, “Pretty, pretty please, with a cherry on top?”

 

Darren gave him a flirty look.  “Whose cherry?”

 

Chris winked back.  “We’ll see…”

 

Darren pulled off Chris’s pajama top, lowering his head to kiss along his boyfriend’s collarbones.  Chris tilted his head back, exposing the long column of his throat.  Accepting the invitation, Darren nibbled his way up, tonguing over the slight ridge of his Adam’s apple.  Chris gave a pleased hum, stretching his neck even farther.  Darren kissed up under his chin, then worked his way along the underside of his jaw, alternating his kisses with little nips.  When he reached Chris’s ear, he whispered, “Let’s take this to the bed.”

 

Chris wasn’t going to argue with that.  He quickly flopped onto his bunk, pulling Darren down on top of him. 

 

“It’s going to be kind of hard to give you a backrub in this position,” Darren teased.

 

Chris wriggled around under him, managing to roll over onto his stomach.  Darren sat up, straddling his thighs, and tugged at the waistband of Chris’s pants.  “May I?”

 

Chris lifted his hips in answer, and Darren slid his pajama bottoms down, catching hold of his boxers to pull them off, too.  “This is going to be so much better than the backrub I gave you in Clovis, when you insisted on keeping all your clothes on,” Darren promised.

 

Chris sighed as Darren leaned forward, bringing his hands up to Chris’s shoulders and kissing the back of his neck.  As Darren began working his way gradually down his back, Chris could feel himself melting under his boyfriend’s strong hands and warm mouth.  When Darren began rolling his knuckles into the tight muscles of his ass, Chris let out a long, low moan.  He squirmed, grinding his hard-on into the mattress.

 

Chris was startled by a light slap on his ass, as Darren ordered “Roll over.”  He swiveled around, coming to rest on his back. 

 

Snaking his hands down to tangle in his boyfriend’s hair, Chris tugged Darren down for a kiss.  Darren came willingly, bringing their bodies flush together, and using his full weight to press Chris into the bed.  Chris allowed himself to get lost in the sensation, parting his lips for Darren’s eager tongue.

 

As the heat built between them, Darren pulled away.  Sliding down Chris’s body, he brought his hands to his boyfriend’s collarbones.  Then, flattening his fingers to keep his nails away from the pale skin, he dragged his hands down Chris’s chest, digging in hard with the pads of his fingers.  Chris felt himself involuntarily arching up into the touch.  His abdominal muscles contracted sharply as Darren continued down, finally coming to rest on his hips.

 

Looking up from beneath thick lashes, Darren asked, “Is it okay if I try to make things last a little longer this time?”

 

Chris hummed his assent, unable to form a coherent sentence.  He felt Darren’s mouth sink over his cock, and bucked helplessly as Darren’s hands continued to anchor his hips firmly to the bed.

 

Darren hadn’t been kidding about making this last.  Every time Chris felt himself getting close to coming, Darren would change things up.  He went from bobbing to sucking, from long slow licks to swirls of his tongue, until Chris felt like he couldn’t take any more.  Only when he had been reduced to babbling a meaningless string of _Oh God_ and _Please_ and _Fuck_ did Darren finally allow him to topple over the edge.  

 

Coming down from his orgasm with a shudder, Chris pulled Darren up for a kiss.  He licked into Darren’s mouth, startled at the taste of his own come.  He could feel Darren smiling against his lips.

 

“Bet you’re glad I was paying attention when we  were doing our online research,” Darren said smugly.

 

“You’re not the only one who picked up a few pointers,” Chris told him.  “Just give me a second to catch my breath, and I’ll show you.”

 

Darren’s smile widened.  “You’re on.”

 

Chris waited until the strength returned to his limbs, then held onto Darren tightly as he flipped them over. 

 

“Oooh, I love it when you take control,” Darren said, gazing up at him.  Although his voice was teasing, Chris could see the grain of truth in his eyes.  Gripping both of his boyfriend’s wrists, Chris brought Darren’s hands up over his head and held them down.  Darren gasped, eyes widening. 

 

Chris smiled down at him knowingly.  He lowered his head, and Darren surged up to meet his lips.  Chris allowed himself to sink into a hungry kiss.

 

Darren finally twisted his head away, panting.  Chris released his wrists, intertwining their fingers instead.  “Is this okay?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” Darren said, but his voice sounded a little shaky.

 

Chris brought their linked hands to his lips, kissing Darren’s knuckles.  “Honey, look at me,” he said, waiting for Darren to meet his eyes before adding, “I love you.”

 

Darren’s face softened.  “I love you, too.”

 

“What do you need?”

 

“Just hold me, for a minute?”

 

“Of course,” Chris said, rolling onto his back and pulling Darren down against his chest.  He wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend.  Darren snuggled in close, tucking his head into the space between Chris’s neck and shoulder.

 

Chris purposely slowed his own breathing, smiling as Darren’s relaxed, as well.  “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

 

“Yeah.  I just freaked myself out a little.”

 

“Freaked yourself out?”

 

“Yeah, um… with how, um… into that I was,” Darren said hesitantly.  Then he clarified, “Into you holding me down, I mean.  It’s, um, kind of weird.”

 

“I don’t think it’s weird.  I like that feeling, too, when you’re on top of me, pinning me down.  Because I totally trust you, and I feel like I can just let go.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

 

Darren let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.  “Thank you.”

 

“Any time,” Chris said, kissing the top of his head.  “Now, are you going to let me give you a blow job, or what?”

 

Darren laughed, bright and easy, and Chris felt his heart swoop.  “Show me what you’ve got,” Darren said.

 

Chris rolled them back over, kissing Darren soundly on the mouth before working his way down his neck to his chest.  He wondered whether Darren’s nipples were as sensitive as his own, and decided there was only one way to find out.  He gave an experimental lick, and was pleased at the breathy sound Darren made.

 

“So it’s not just me, huh?  This actually **is** a thing for guys.”

 

“Apparently.”

 

Chris smiled, sucking a kiss into Darren’s other nipple.  He reached for one of Darren’s hands, lacing their fingers together.  Then he gradually began kissing his way down his boyfriend’s torso.

 

 

As he worked his way lower, Chris nudged Darren’s legs apart, settling between them.  He rested his head against Darren’s hip, nuzzling into the curly hair around his cock.  He breathed in deeply, familiarizing himself with his boyfriend’s scent. 

 

When he reached out his tongue to take a tentative taste, Darren’s breath hitched, and the hand that Chris was holding clutched at him reflexively.  Chris squeezed back, lifting his head slightly to ask, “Is this okay?”

 

“Oh yeah.”

 

Smiling, Chris kissed his way up the underside of Darren’s cock, pausing just under the head to flick his tongue out lightly.  Darren bucked up wildly, and Chris quickly threw a forearm across his hips to hold him down.

As he took his boyfriend’s cock into his mouth for the first time, Chris lost himself in Darren’s reactions.  Every twitch, every moan, every stuttering breath filled him with a nameless joy.  When Darren finally came, cock pulsing, spilling warm and salty onto his tongue, Chris felt like he was coming as well.

 

Dragging himself up to lie with his cheek pressed over Darren’s pounding heart, Chris murmured, “Sometimes I just can’t believe how much I love you.”

 

Darren brought one hand up to stroke lazily at his hair.  “I know.”


	30. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Thursday, August 7, 2008

 

On Thursday evening, Chris returned from the campfire to find Darren asleep on the top bunk.  Glancing at the floor, he noticed an open Target bag, with condoms, lube, and baby wipes scattered about.  Looking more closely, he saw that the Astroglide bottle was no longer quite full.

 

Chris climbed up onto Darren’s bunk, leaning over to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead.  Darren’s eyes fluttered, and he smiled up sleepily.  Pitching his voice low, Chris said, “I see that you’ve left some supplies out, Darren, and I know that this is Harry’s night off, too.  Is there anything you want to tell me?”

 

Darren’s eyes flew open and he popped up to a sitting position with a horrified expression on his face.  “Oh my god!  Don’t even joke about something like that!  You know I would never cheat on you!”

 

“Relax, Dare.  I’m just teasing.  You know I trust you.”

 

Darren flopped back down on the bed.  He grinned up at Chris.  “I’ve been practicing.”

 

Chris arched one eyebrow, and Darren elaborated.  “I’ve been practicing fingering myself.  So that I’ll know what it feels like.  … For when we’re ready to try that together.”

 

Chris felt suddenly dizzy, as the breath whooshed out of his lungs and all the blood in his body rushed straight to his cock.  “Oh my god – you are so hot,” he gasped, collapsing on top of his boyfriend.

 

Darren, forgetting that they were on the top bunk, went to roll them over, and nearly flipped Chris onto the floor.  Chris saved himself at the last moment by scrabbling frantically at the edge of the mattress. 

 

“Darren!  Are you trying to kill me?!”

 

“Sorry!  Sorry!  We’re always on your bed – I forgot how high up we were.”

 

“I don’t like being tossed on the floor, even from the bottom bunk,” Chris huffed.

 

“Sorry,” Darren repeated.  “How can I make it up to you?”

 

Chris’s eyes darkened.  “Well, you can start by giving me details about your little practice session.”

 

Darren grinned at him.  “Do you want **show** or **tell**?”

 

“Oh my god.  Show.”

 

“Okay, but maybe we’d better move down to your bunk.  We don’t want any accidents.”

 

Chris scrambled down off of the top bunk, and Darren jumped down behind him.  As Darren flopped down onto his bed, Chris said, “Wait – how about I grab a shower first, so I don’t have to get up again afterwards.”

 

“Okay, but don’t take too long.”

 

“Don’t start without me.”

 

“Baby, I already did.  That’s what I’m going to show you, remember?”

 

Chris groaned, forcing himself to head for the bathroom instead of pouncing on his boyfriend.

 

After the world’s fastest shower, Chris hurried back to his bed, where Darren lay naked, waiting for him.  “What took you so long?” he teased.

 

Abandoning all restraint, Chris flung himself down on top of his boyfriend, who let out a startled “oomph.”

 

Chris kissed Darren fiercely, sucking on his lower lip, and tangling his fingers in his soft curls.  Pulling away, he purred, “I think someone offered to put on a show for me.”

 

“Well, you’re not going to be able to see much from that angle.”

 

Chris laughed, rolling off of his boyfriend and coming to rest with his back against the wall.  Darren twisted, leaning off the edge of the bed and reaching for the lube.  Chris grabbed his hips to keep him from sliding onto the floor.

 

Darren pulled himself back up, lube in one hand and baby wipes in the other, grinning triumphantly.  “Ta-da!”

 

Chris gave him a sweet kiss.  “I love how uninhibited you are.  I wish I could be more like you in that way.”

 

“Well,” Darren admitted, “I did have a moment of self-doubt while you were in the shower.  I thought ‘What the fuck am I doing?  There’s no way on earth I can do that in front of him!’  But then I remembered your reaction when I told you I’d been practicing…  And I knew you were going to be too turned on to judge me,” he ended, with a significant look at Chris’s very obvious erection.

 

“No judging,” Chris agreed brokenly.  “Too hot.”

 

“Baby, you can’t even form a complete sentence.  That’s so cute.”

 

“Less talk.  More fingering.”

 

“Ooh, you’re so demanding,” Darren said, reaching up to pull Chris in for a kiss.  “Okay, get comfortable.  The show’s about to begin.”

 

Chris watched intently as Darren flipped open the bottle of lube and squeezed some out onto his first two fingers.  He rubbed them together, using his thumb to spread the lube all the way down.  Drawing his knees up toward his chest, Darren reached down between his legs.

 

Chris shifted, trying to get a better view, but Darren grabbed at him with his free hand.  “Stay here, or you’re going to make me too self-conscious.”

 

Chris leaned down and kissed him, cupping Darren’s face in his hand.  “I can’t believe how hot this is.”

 

Darren smiled, letting out a breath as he pushed one finger inside.  “Oh my god,” Chris groaned.  “What does it feel like?”

 

“Like I’ve got a finger in my ass.”

 

Chris nipped at his neck.  “Come on.  Tell me.  Does it hurt?”

 

“No.  It’s kind of a stretch if I use two, but it doesn’t actually hurt, except for a little bit of a twinge when I pull them back out.”

 

“Do you like it?”

 

“Um, it’s kind of hard to tell.  I can’t reach very well, and the angle is awkward, so it just feels sort of weird.  But I figure if I keep trying it’ll get better.”

 

Chris kissed his boyfriend deeply before pulling back to ask, “Would you like some help with that?”

 

Darren’s eyes darkened, and he grabbed Chris by the back of the neck to pull him in for another kiss.  “Okay.”

 

Darren pulled his fingers free, hissing a little as he did so.  Chris handed him a baby wipe. 

 

“Thanks,” Darren said, cleaning his fingers and tossing the wipe into the bedside wastebasket.  “Do you have the lube?”

 

Chris held it up.  He gave Darren another kiss before saying, “If you don’t want me to have the same problem with the awkward angle that you did, you’re going to have to let me scoot down.”

 

“Okay.  One more kiss first.”

 

Chris gave him one more kiss, and then another, for good measure. 

 

Moving down between Darren’s legs, Chris felt suddenly nervous.  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“You won’t.  Your fingers aren’t as thick as mine.”

 

“Yeah, but they’re longer.”

 

“That doesn’t matter.  Just use plenty of lube, and go slow.  I’ll tell you if I need you to stop.”

 

Chris slicked up his fingers, then reached for Darren with his other hand.  Darren twined their fingers together, giving Chris’s hand a reassuring squeeze.  “Don’t worry,” he said.  “I trust you.”

 

Chris placed the tip of his index finger on Darren’s pucker, unsure how to begin.  “There’s no hole.”

 

Darren laughed.  “Just push in gently.  It will open around you.”

 

Chris did as he was told, watching in fascination as his finger began to disappear into his boyfriend.  A tiny way in, though, he met with resistance.  “Is this okay?”

 

“Yeah.  Just keep going.  I’ll tell you if I want you to stop.”

 

Darren let out a slow breath, willing himself to relax, and Chris pushed past the tight ring of muscle.

 

“Wow – that is way better than when I did it.”

 

Chris grinned at him.  “What should I do now?”

 

“Just give me a second to get used to it.”

 

Chris waited, feeling Darren’s muscles clenching around him, pulling his finger in more deeply.  Soon the tightness surrounding him began to ease, and Darren said, “Okay, pull out slowly, and then try again with two.”

 

As Chris carefully drew his finger out, he could feel Darren clamping down, as if unwilling to let him go.  Once his finger had slipped free, Chris squeezed his boyfriend’s hand.  “Are you sure you want me to try two?  It doesn’t seem like they’ll fit.”

 

“They will.  Just maybe use more lube.”

 

Chris applied more of the slippery gel, dripping some onto Darren as well.  Darren jerked in surprise.  “That’s cold!”

 

“Sorry.  I wanted to make sure I was using enough.”

 

Chris placed his first two fingers at Darren’s now-shiny entrance.  It really didn’t seem possible that they could both fit through that tiny opening.  Taking a deep breath, he began to push, wiggling his fingers until he finally worked them inside. 

 

Darren let out a gasp, and Chris immediately stilled.  “Did I hurt you?”

 

“No… No… It feels good…  Just intense.”

 

Once he felt Darren’s muscles begin to relax, Chris asked, “Is it okay if I move around a little?”

 

“Yeah.  Just go slowly.”

 

Chris slid his fingers partway out, then back in.  Feeling how tight Darren was, he said, “I’m not trying to brag, or anything, but my cock is **way** bigger than two fingers.  There’s no way it’s ever going to fit in here.”

 

Darren let out a snort of laughter, causing his muscles to clench around Chris’s fingers.  “It’s gotta be possible.  People do it all the time.  You just need to stretch me out a little first.”

 

“Stretch you out a little?  Honey, there’s barely room for me to move my fingers in here.”

 

“Just try to spread them apart a little,” Darren suggested.  Then, at Chris’s worried look, he added, “You’re not going to hurt me.”

 

Chris scissored his fingers apart and together, rotating his wrist to get an even stretch in all directions.  After a few minutes, Darren said, “Okay, now try three.”

 

Chris gave him a skeptical look.

 

“Just hold your fingers apart as you start to pull out, and slip the third one in between them.”

 

Releasing Darren’s hand, Chris once more grabbed the bottle of lube, applying a generous amount.  Taking his boyfriend’s hand again, he asked, “Are you sure about this?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Chris lifted his index finger up and pushed his middle finger down as he slowly drew them out, holding Darren open and creating a space into which he slid his ring finger.  Darren’s grip on his hand tightened, and he panted out, “Hold on.”

 

Chris froze. “Do you want me to pull back out?”

 

“No.  I’m okay.  Just wait a sec.”

 

Darren’s muscles were clenching rhythmically around Chris’s fingers, crushing them uncomfortably together.  He was not about to complain, though.  He looked up worriedly at his boyfriend, whose eyes were squeezed shut.  “Honey, I’m really afraid that I’m hurting you.”

 

“No, I’m okay.  I just need to relax enough that you can get your knuckles in.  I’m going to take a deep breath, and when I let it out, just go for it.” 

 

“My knuckles are a lot wider than three fingertips tucked together.”

 

“I know, but it’ll be fine.” 

 

Seeing the doubt in Chris’s eyes, Darren added, “Just trust me, okay?”

 

Chris gritted his teeth, steeling himself to do what his boyfriend was asking.  “Okay,” he said.

 

Darren drew in a deep breath, and as he began to let it out Chris pushed firmly against the ring of muscle that was constricting his fingers.  It felt impenetrable, but Chris increased the pressure until he felt something give, and his fingers slid through.

 

Darren let out a loud groan.  Chris felt himself panicking.  Tears sprang to his eyes as he clutched at Darren’s fingers.  “I’m sorry!  I’m so sorry!  Honey, are you okay?”

 

Hearing the desperation in his boyfriend’s voice, Darren opened his eyes and forced himself to speak as steadily as he could.  “It’s okay.  I’m okay.  Just don’t move for a minute.”

 

Chris nodded helplessly.  “Oh god.  I didn’t want to hurt you.”

 

“Chris, baby, calm down.  I’m okay.  You didn’t hurt me.  It’s just a really intense stretch.  But I swear it’s okay.  Please don’t freak out while you’ve got your fingers in my ass.”

 

Chris huffed out a shaky laugh.  “Okay.  Not freaking out.  Not freaking out.”   

 

Darren gave Chris’s hand a reassuring squeeze as both boys’ breathing gradually returned to normal.  “Okay,” Darren said at last.  “I think you can move around a little now.”

 

Chris tentatively slid his fingers the slightest bit in and out.  His fingertips had a little wiggle room, but his knuckles felt like they were being held in a vise.  Gradually, though, Darren’s muscles loosened up, and Chris was able to move more easily.

 

Darren released a sigh.  “That’s actually starting to feel kind of good.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Would I lie to someone who has his fingers in my ass?”

 

(*** laughter *** fade to black ***)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know that was a rather odd place to end… but this chapter just kept stretching on and on, and I couldn’t take any more. There are lots of good things coming up, so write me some comments, and I’ll post another chapter soon. ☺


	31. "You're driving me crazy"

Friday, August 8 – Saturday, August 9, 2008

 

When the six o’clock alarm rang on Friday morning, Chris took a moment to kiss the back of Darren’s neck before rolling over to switch it off.  Turning back to his boyfriend, Chris nuzzled into his curls.  “Time to wake up, sleepy head.”

 

“Mmm…  Good morning,” Darren said, snuggling back into Chris’s arms.

 

Chris gave his boyfriend a squeeze before dragging himself out of bed.  As Darren moved to follow him, Chris saw him wince slightly.  Memories of their previous night came flooding back, and he was instantly concerned.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Just a little twinge.”

 

“I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

“Baby, I’m fine.  You didn’t hurt me.  Now come on, let’s get moving.  I don’t want you blaming me if we’re late for work.”

 

Soon the boys were walking along the path to the corral.  Chris noticed that Darren was moving a little more stiffly than usual.  “Honey, are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, worry evident in his voice.

 

“Yeah, just a little sore.”

 

“Oh my god, Dare, I’m so sorry.  I knew I hurt you last night.”

 

“Chris, stop worrying.  I’m sure it’s totally normal to be a little sore the next day.”

 

Chris was not reassured, but they had reached the corral, and he didn’t want to continue their conversation in front of Robert, Zach, Matthew, and Harry.  He tried to return his friends’ greetings with his customary cheerfulness, but inside he was filled with remorse.  Darren was in pain, and it was all his fault.

 

Since it was Friday, the other four headed out for the round up, and he and Darren stayed behind to distribute the hay.  Once their friends were out of earshot, Chris turned to Darren.  “I’m so, so sorry.  I never should have tried three fingers.  I could feel how tight you were, and I should have known I was going to hurt you.  Do you want to go back to bed?  I can take care of feeding the horses by myself if you need to go lie down.”

 

“Don’t be silly.  There’s nothing wrong with me.  And if you try to deal with these hay bales on your own, then one of us really will be hurt.  Come on, stop fussing over me.”

 

Chris tried to push his anxiety aside, but every time he glanced at Darren he could see that his boyfriend was moving a little gingerly.  With each passing minute, he felt the guilt swelling inside him. 

 

When he saw his boyfriend grimace slightly as he bent down, Chris started to say, “I’m sorr-” but Darren cut him off before the words were halfway out of his mouth.

 

“Oh my god, Chris, if you say ‘I’m sorry’ one more time, I’m going to smack you!” he yelled, exasperated.

 

At the look of shock on his boyfriend’s face, Darren quickly corrected himself.  “You know I’d never really hit you.  But you’re driving me crazy here – and not in a good way.  Why won’t you believe me when I say I’m okay?  It’s my body, and I know how it feels.  Your fingers may have been inside me last night, but you’re not in there right now, so you don’t get to be the expert on how I’m feeling.  If I say you didn’t hurt me, then you didn’t hurt me!”

 

Chris opened his mouth to respond, but Darren held up a stilling hand.  “I hear the horses coming.  Can we drop this for now?”

 

Chris nodded, and quickly finished tossing out the last few flakes of hay.  He wasn’t sure how to react to Darren’s outburst.  It was so unlike his boyfriend to raise his voice, or display irritation.  Chris just wanted to make sure that Darren was okay.  Was his concern really that annoying?

 

His inner musings were cut off by the arrival of the herd, followed by the four riders.  Chris and Darren worked together to swing the gates closed, and to make sure that the hay was dispersed evenly, so that there would be no aggressive jockeying for position among the horses.

 

The riders slid down off of their mounts, allowing their horses to join the rest of the herd for breakfast.  Then all six “horse whisperers” headed for the dining hall together.

 

Once they were seated – large plates full of scrambled eggs, home fries, and sausages in front of them – Chris took hold of his boyfriend’s hand under the table.  “I’m sorry,” he murmured quietly.  At Darren’s look, he quickly added, “Not about last night.  About this morning.”

 

Darren squeezed his hand, leaning in close to say, “Thank you.  Let’s talk about it this evening, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

 

After dinner that evening, Chris and Darren held hands as they walked back to their bunkhouse.  Chris had been watching his boyfriend surreptitiously all day, and he was pleased to note that Darren seemed to be moving normally now.

 

When they reached the bunkhouse, Darren pulled Chris over to the bed and sat down.  Both boys kicked off their boots before lying down together on the lower bunk.  Chris rolled onto his back, and Darren snuggled against him, resting his head on Chris’s chest.

 

Wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, and running the fingers of one hand through his hair, Chris said, “I didn’t mean to piss you off with all of my apologies this morning.  I was just really worried about you.  You seemed like you were in pain, and you know I never want to hurt you.”

 

“I know.  And I’m sorry I yelled at you.  But I felt like you weren’t listening to me when I kept telling you that I’m okay.  And you were acting like you did something **to** me, when really, we did something **together**.  Something that I really wanted, and really enjoyed.  And would really like to do again, by the way.  So I don’t want you to have any regrets about last night.”

 

“No regrets,” Chris agreed, “just love.” 

 

“And I’m listening now,” he added, gathering Darren even closer.  “So tell me how you’re feeling, and I promise I’ll believe you.”

 

Darren nuzzled up under Chris’s chin, kissing his neck.  “Okay.  Well, I do feel a little sore, but it’s not a bad kind of sore.  It’s more like when we first started riding again, at the beginning of the summer, and our muscles weren’t used to it.  Remember?  I just feel like my body’s been stretched in a new way, and so I’m more aware of it, but it doesn’t actually hurt.  Do you know what I mean?”

 

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

 

“And I think it’s like with anything new – the more we practice, the easier it will get.”

 

Chris smiled.  “That could be fun…”

 

 

Saturday evening found the boys cuddled up in bed, discussing their next “practice session.”  Chris was trying to remember all the details of the _Go Ask Alice_ article about how to give a prostate massage.  “They called it ‘the male hot spot,’ so it’s gotta be good,” he said.  “Do you want me to try, and you can see if you like it?”

 

Darren hummed his agreement, trailing kisses down the side of Chris’s neck.  Chris reached for the Target bag, which had found a convenient home under the bed.  As he pulled out the baby wipes and lube, Darren nipped him in the shoulder.  “Someone’s moving awfully fast.  Whatever happened to foreplay?”

 

Chris dropped his supplies on the bed.  “I just thought I’d get everything ready now, so we don’t have to interrupt ourselves later,” he explained, rolling over on top of his boyfriend.

 

Darren smiled up at him.  “Well, okay then.”

 

Chris brought their lips together in a lazy kiss.  Darren responded in kind, kissing him back slow and sweet.  Chris lost track of time as they lay together, trading kisses that gradually deepened, until both were hard and panting. 

 

Chris pulled himself away from Darren’s lips to kiss his way down his boyfriend’s body, fumbling with one hand to find the bottle of lube.  When he reached Darren’s cock, he paused for a moment to draw the head into his mouth and lick at the slit.  Darren moaned, thrusting up against his tongue.  Chris pulled off, causing Darren to whine in protest.

 

Chris sat back on his heels, flipping open the cap of the Astroglide, and coating his first two fingers.  Catching Darren’s eye, he asked, “Is this okay?”

 

“Definitely.”

 

Chris smiled at that, bringing his index finger to Darren’s entrance and gently pushing inside.  He noted with relief that he slipped in much more easily this time.  He’d been trying not to worry, but a small part of him was still concerned about the possibility of hurting his boyfriend.  Darren seemed relaxed, though, and his pleased little noises were music to Chris’s ears.

 

“Should I try two?”

 

“Mmmm hmmm.”

 

Darren felt a little tight around his fingers, but Chris definitely had more wiggle room than the last time.  He took advantage of this, crooking his fingers up in the beckoning motion the website had recommended.  At first he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for.  He knew immediately when he found it, though, as Darren let out a low moan that was unmistakably pleasure rather than pain. 

 

“Oh my god, that was amazing.  Do it again.”

 

Chris was more than happy to oblige.  He stroked rhythmically along the bundle of nerve endings, causing Darren to cry out with every press of his fingertips. 

 

Using his free hand to anchor his boyfriend’s hips to the bed, Chris leaned forward and took Darren’s cock into his mouth.  He continued to rub against Darren’s prostate as his boyfriend thrashed wildly beneath him.  Soon Darren was coming, hot, down his throat.

 

Chris could feel Darren’s muscles clenching around his fingers.  He carefully pulled them out, quickly cleaning himself off with a baby wipe. 

 

Darren reached for him, drawing him down into a tight embrace.  Chris could feel Darren’s heart beating franticly against his chest, and hear his ragged breathing in his ear.  He held on tightly, trying to steady his boyfriend with the weight of his body.  Gradually, Darren’s heart rate slowed, and his breathing calmed. 

 

Chris lifted himself up slightly to gaze into his boyfriend’s dazed eyes.  “How do you feel?”

 

It took Darren a moment to find his voice to answer.  “Un-fucking-believable.”          


	32. "I want to feel you inside me."

Sunday, August 10 – Saturday, August 16, 2008

 

Chris and Darren indulged in a lazy Sunday morning, alternately cuddling, kissing, and dozing.  Chris drifted off to the feeling of Darren stroking his hair, and gradually reawakened to the sensation of his boyfriend’s hands running up and down the length of his back.

 

Kissing at the nearest part of Darren that he could reach (which happened to be his shoulder) Chris murmured, “That feels really good.  I wish I could wake up like this every morning.”

 

“Mmmm…  I know.  It feels so luxurious not to have to jump out of bed at six o’clock.  But we only have two more weeks of camp, and then we can sleep in all we want.”

 

“It’s a little bittersweet, though, don’t you think?  This is where we met, and where we fell in love.  I kind of hate the thought of leaving.”

 

“Yeah, but we’re not leaving forever.  I’m sure Ryan and David will hire us back for next summer.  And going to Michigan together is going to be totally awesome.”

 

Chris smiled at that.  “I still can’t believe we picked the same university without even knowing it.  What are the chances?”

 

“When it’s meant to be?  I’d say they’re pretty damn good.”

 

“Do you believe that?  That we were meant to be together, I mean?”

 

“Yeah.  Don’t you?”

 

“I don’t know.  I guess I’ve never really thought about it like that.  But I can’t imagine being with anyone else.  So whether it’s fate, or luck, or destiny, or whatever, I’m so glad we found each other.”

 

Darren kissed him.  “Me too.”

 

“How are you feeling this morning?  Are you sore at all?”

 

Darren paused for a moment to consider.  “I don’t think so.  I’ll let you know for sure once I get up.”

 

“Not yet,” Chris said, pulling him closer.  “I’m not done cuddling.”

 

It was long time later when hunger finally drove the boys from their bed.  As Darren got up, he answered Chris’s earlier question.  “Nope – don’t seem to be sore this morning.  I told you all we needed was a little practice.”

 

“I don’t know,” Chris teased.  “I’m still not sure if I know what I’m doing.  I might have to practice some more until I figure it out.”

 

Darren’s eyes darkened.  “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.  After we scrounge up some brunch, we’ll still have a couple of hours before the campers arrive…”

 

 

The boys found opportunities for quite a few more “practice sessions” during that week.  Once he was no longer worried about accidentally hurting his boyfriend, Chris surprised himself with his own enthusiasm.  He felt intoxicated by the sight of Darren spread out before him, lips parted and head thrown back in abandon.  And the noises Darren made shot straight to Chris’s cock.

 

Saturday evening found Chris with three fingers buried once again in his boyfriend’s ass, as Darren writhed shamelessly on the bed in front of him.  As Chris leaned down to take his boyfriend’s cock in his mouth, though, Darren reached out a hand to stop him.

 

“I want to feel you inside me,” he panted.

 

“Honey, I **am** inside you.”

 

“No – I mean I want you to fuck me.”

 

When Chris didn’t immediately respond, Darren added brokenly, “Please.”

 

The sound of Darren’s pleading snapped Chris back to reality.  He grabbed Darren’s hand and looked him directly in the eyes as he answered, “Okay.  Yes.  Yes.”

 

Darren let out a deep sigh, and his body (well, most of it) went limp.  “C’mere,’ he said, tugging on Chris’s hand.

 

Chris removed his fingers and wiped them off before moving up to cover Darren’s body with his own.  He brought their lips together, kissing Darren tenderly.  Pulling back slightly to gaze into his boyfriend’s eyes, he asked, “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

 

“Yeah.  Are you?  I’m not trying to push you, I just – ”

 

Chris silenced him with another kiss.  “Yes.  Okay?  Yes.”

 

Darren wrapped his arms more tightly around Chris.  “Okay,” he said, smiling up at his boyfriend.

 

Chris dipped back down to kiss him again before saying, “Let me grab a condom now, while I can still think clearly enough to remember where they are.”

 

“I’m having a little difficulty remembering my own name right now, let alone where we stashed the condoms.”

 

Chris laughed, fishing the box of condoms out from under the bed.  “Well, good thing one of us is capable of semi-rational thought at the moment.”

 

Darren pulled him in for another kiss.  As their lips met, Chris felt as if his entire body was melting into Darren’s.  Everything between them seemed so soft, except where their cocks were pressed together, hard and throbbing.

 

Chris felt a sudden and overwhelming rush of tenderness for his boyfriend.  He brought his hand to Darren’s face, tracing the line of his eyebrow, then down his cheek.  He could feel Darren smiling against his lips.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

With a last, lingering kiss, Chris rolled over onto his side, fumbling with the condom.  Darren pulled the pillow out from under his head, folded it over, and positioned it under his hips.  Chris slicked himself up with more lube before bringing his clean hand back to Darren’s face.

 

“I’ll go slow.  Just tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”

 

“I will.”

 

Darren spread his legs, lifting his knees, and Chris was glad for the easier access the pillow under his hips provided.  Using one hand to help line himself up with Darren’s entrance, Chris began to push slowly forward.

 

As the head of his cock slipped in, Chris and Darren both gasped.  Chris stilled, allowing Darren to adjust to the stretch, and himself to adjust to the intense tightness and heat.  Once he felt Darren begin to ease around him, Chris gradually allowed himself to sink in fully.      

 

The sensation was like nothing Chris had ever imagined.  He blacked out for a moment, losing himself in the ecstasy of being _inside_ his boyfriend’s body.  He opened his eyes to find Darren gazing at him in awe.

 

“I can feel you inside me.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Not just physically.  In my heart.  I can **feel** you.”

 

“I know,” Chris repeated, smiling  down at him. 

 

Darren lifted his head, and Chris bent to kiss him.  The position was a little awkward, but neither boy minded.  Chris put all of his feelings into that kiss, and he could tell that Darren was doing the same.

 

Eventually Darren let his head fall back onto the mattress.  “I think it’s time for you to fuck me now.”

 

Chris laughed.  “Well, okay then.”

 

He slowly pulled partway out, feeling Darren clenching around him, as if trying to hold him in place.  As he thrust back in, Darren squeezed, drawing him deeper.

 

Chris rocked his hips forward, experimenting with the angle, until Darren let out a pleased little hum that told him he was on target.  Then he began thrusting rhythmically, reveling in every sound he drew from Darren’s lips. 

 

Chris gave himself over to the experience.  There was nothing but Darren, filling his senses.  He could still taste the sweetness of their last kiss.  The heady scent of their arousal surrounded him.  Every nerve ending in his body was on fire with the exquisite feeling of Darren’s body enveloping his own.  The sight of his boyfriend, spread open beneath him, brought a quick sting of tears to his eyes.  And all Chris could hear was Darren’s ragged voice, repeating his name like a litany.

 

Chris could feel his orgasm building, and he could tell that his boyfriend was close, as well.  He held off his release by sheer force of will, until Darren’s cries reached a crescendo, as he came with Chris’s name still on his lips.  As Darren’s muscles contracted sharply around his cock, Chris finally let himself go, hips stuttering as he came.

 

Chris didn’t know where he found the strength to pull out of Darren and toss the condom in the wastebasket before collapsing on top of his boyfriend.  Darren used both arms and legs to wrap him in a tight embrace.  Chris could feel Darren kissing him, but he barely had the energy to kiss back. 

 

Gradually, the spent feeling receded.  Chris brought one hand up to pet lazily at Darren’s curls.  His boyfriend was still clinging to him, tightly and a little desperately.  Chris kissed him deeply before pulling back to gaze down at him.  “How are you feeling?”

 

“Like I want you back inside me.”

 

“Honey, you’re sexy as hell, but I don’t think I can go again tonight.”

 

“No, that’s not what I mean.  I mean, not that I wouldn’t want to go again.  Because I totally would.  But that’s not what I meant…”

 

“Dare, you’re babbling,” Chris said fondly.

 

“I know.  It’s just that feeling… of you being inside me… of being connected…  I don’t want to lose that.”

 

“Dare, honey, we’re still connected.  I’m right here.  And I can still feel you, inside my heart.  I’m not going to let go of you,” Chris said reassuringly. 

 

Then he added, “Well, I might let go for just one sec, so I can make use of those baby wipes you were smart enough to buy.  But then I’ll be right back, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Darren agreed, reluctantly releasing his hold on his boyfriend.

 

Chris rolled off of him, placing one hand over Darren’s heart as he used the other to carefully clean them both off.  Darren covered Chris’s hand with his own, pressing it tightly against his chest.

 

Chris tugged at the pillow still wedged under Darren’s hips, and Darren shifted to allow him to pull it free.  Chris unfolded the pillow, placing it (clean side up) under Darren’s head.

 

“Remind me to wash that pillowcase tomorrow.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Chris leaned down to kiss his boyfriend. 

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“Now come here,” Chris said, settling down on his side and holding his arms open.  “I want to be the big spoon tonight.”

 

Darren snuggled back against him with a sigh.  Chris pulled him close, entwining their fingers and bringing their linked hands to rest against Darren’s heart. 

 

“Goodnight, my love.”

 

“Goodnight.”


	33. "I just don't want to let go of you."

Saturday, August 16 – Sunday, August 17, 2008

 

Chris awoke in the night with a full bladder.  He carefully unwound himself from Darren, trying not to wake his sleeping boyfriend.  As he rolled over, though, Darren rolled with him, wrapping Chris in his arms. 

 

Chris tried to wriggle free, but Darren held fast, mumbling sleepily, “Don’t go.”

 

Chris brought Darren’s hand to his lips for a kiss.  “I just need to go to the bathroom.  I’ll be right back.”

 

“Mmm.  I’ll come with you.”

 

Darren held onto Chris’s hand as they made their way across the moonlit bunkhouse to the bathroom.  He didn’t release it until they were back in bed, where he lay on his back and held his arms out to Chris. 

 

Chris snuggled down against Darren’s chest, reaching up to stroke his hair.  “Are you okay, honey?” he asked quietly.

 

“Yeah.  I just don’t want to let go of you.”

 

“Well, good, ‘cause I’m perfectly happy right here.”

 

Chris continued to run his fingers through Darren’s soft curls until he felt his boyfriend’s arms relax around him as he drifted back to sleep.

 

 

When Chris awoke the next morning, Darren was already out of bed and fully dressed.  Chris smiled sleepily up at him.

 

“Good morning.  You’re up early.”

 

“Yeah.  I’m going to grab some breakfast, and then I want to take a long walk.”

 

“Okay.  Just give me a sec to get dressed.”

 

Darren held up a hand to stop him.  “No, you go back to sleep.  I need a little alone time.”

 

Chris was instantly alarmed.  “Honey, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong.  I just need to spend some time by myself this morning.  I’ll meet you for lunch, okay?”

 

Inside, Chris was screaming _“No!  No! **Not**_ _okay!”_ but he forced himself to say calmly, “Okay.  I’ll see you at lunch.”

 

As the door of the bunkhouse closed behind his boyfriend, Chris told himself there was no reason to panic.  He told himself that Darren was entitled to some time alone.  He told himself that it didn’t have to mean anything bad.  But no matter how many times he told himself that everything was okay, he just didn’t believe it.

 

Chris tried to go back to sleep, but he soon gave it up as a lost cause.  His mind kept spinning with questions.  Was Darren mad at him?  Had he said something wrong?  Done something wrong?  He didn’t think that he’d hurt Darren the previous night, but what if he had?  Chris racked his brain, but he couldn’t come up with any answers, only more questions.

 

Chris finally dragged himself out of bed and into a long, hot shower.  He got dressed and made his solitary way toward the dining hall. 

 

Sunday morning breakfasts were always “fend for yourself,” since Brad and Ian had the time off.  Chris wasn’t sure whether he wanted to run into any of the other staff members or not.  On the one hand, he could use the distraction of having some company.  But on the other hand, anyone who saw him without Darren would be sure to ask questions.  Questions for which Chris had no answers.

 

He was somewhat relieved, therefore, to find the dining hall empty when he arrived.  He went into the kitchen and helped himself to a bagel with cream cheese.  It felt strange to be sitting down to eat alone.  Chris realized that it had been months since he’d had a meal without Darren.  The thought made his heart clench painfully.  He set his bagel aside, no longer hungry.

 

Deciding that the best thing to do would be to keep himself busy, Chris went back to the bunkhouse to get his laundry.  After a moment’s hesitation, he gathered up Darren’s dirty clothes, as well, and stripped the sheets off of both bunks.  As he picked up his pillow to remove the pillowcase, Chris couldn’t help burying his face in it, breathing in his boyfriend’s scent. 

 

Forcing himself not to dwell on thoughts of Darren, Chris stuffed everything into a large duffle bag and hauled it to the laundry room.  There were six washers and six dryers, used by the staff as well as any campers who stayed for multiple weeks.  The place was deserted when Chris arrived, though, so he didn’t feel guilty about taking up three machines at once.  As soon as he’d gotten all of his loads started, he wandered outside and sat down under a tree.

 

Glancing down at his watch, Chris was shocked to discover that it was barely nine o’clock.  The morning seemed to stretch ahead of him endlessly, with lunchtime, and the promise of seeing Darren again, far, far off in the distance. 

 

Chris realized with a jolt that there **was** no set lunch time on Sundays, since Brad and Ian were still off duty.  How was he supposed to know what time to meet Darren for lunch?  The boys had never needed to make Sunday meal plans before – they were always together, and just ate when they got hungry.  Now, stomach twisted with worry, Chris felt as though he’d never be hungry again.         

 

After transferring all of his laundry into the dryers, Chris went back to sit disconsolately under his tree.  He closed his eyes, and tried to relax, but all he could think about was Darren. 

 

Chris replayed the previous night in his head, searching for any clues as to what could be wrong.  But he could find nothing.  The entire experience had been perfect, from start to finish.  Except that, this morning, Darren had left him.  With no explanation other than that he needed some time alone. 

 

Chris gave himself a mental shake.  He realized that he was doing exactly the same thing that had pissed Darren off a week and a half earlier – he was refusing to believe his boyfriend’s assurances that he was okay.  What if what Darren had told him that morning was actually true – that nothing was wrong, and he just needed a little alone time?  Chris grasped at that thought like a lifeline.

 

Darren was not only his lover; he was Chris’s best friend, as well.  Chris knew that he had to trust him.  They would talk about this, just like they talked about everything.  And it would all be okay.  Because it **had** to be okay.  

 

Chris removed his laundry from the dryers, folding it carefully and bringing it back to the bunkhouse.  He placed their clothes in their dressers, then re-made the beds.  By the time he’d finished, he was feeling a little bit calmer.

 

It was only a quarter after eleven, and Chris didn’t want to sit around waiting for lunchtime (whatever time that might turn out to be) so he headed out to the corral to visit the horses.  Their softly nickered greetings, and warm, solid presence, soothed him.  He leaned against the fence, willing himself to relax.

 

Chris didn’t know how long he’d been there, silently communing with the horses, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  Darren’s voice came from behind him.  “When you weren’t in the bunkhouse, I thought I’d find you here.”

 

Chris turned to face him, searching Darren’s eyes for any hint of trouble.  His boyfriend’s expression was open and loving, though, and Chris sagged back against the fence in relief.  Taking Darren’s hands in his own, Chris said, “I missed you.”

 

Darren returned the pressure of his fingers.  “Well, I’m here now.  Do you want to go for a ride before lunch?  We wouldn’t even need to tack up – we could just hop on Robin Hood and ride double.”

 

Chris could tell that his boyfriend wasn’t quite ready to talk yet.  “Okay,” he said, releasing Darren’s hands and getting a scoop of grain for the stocky pinto gelding.  It only took a couple of minutes for the boys to give him a quick once-over with the brush, check his feet, and put on his bridle.

 

Robin Hood was the perfect horse to ride bareback, with smooth gaits and a wide, flat back.  Chris led him to the mounting block, Darren swung up onto his back, and Chris followed. 

 

It was the first time they’d ridden double together since they were kids.  Chris didn’t need to hold onto Darren for balance, but he wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend anyway, burying his face in Darren’s curls.  Darren’s body felt so good pressed against his own, and the ache Chris had been carrying in his heart all morning began to ease.

 

They rode in silence, feeling each other and the horse beneath them.  Darren guided Robin Hood to the secluded meadow where he had first confessed his feelings for Chris.  The boys slid down and ground-tied their horse. 

 

Taking Chris’s hands in his, Darren said, “I’m sorry I left this morning without really talking to you about what was going on, but I felt like I needed some time alone to think about it first.  I hope you weren’t too worried.”

 

“I was,” Chris admitted.  “But I trust you.  And I knew that we’d talk about it when you were ready.”

 

“Thank you,” Darren said, squeezing Chris’s hands.  “I think I just scared myself, last night, with how much I opened myself up to you – not physically, but emotionally.  My heart was just lying there, naked, and I just **needed** you so badly.  God, I couldn’t even bear to let you get up to go to the bathroom without me.  How pathetic is that?”

 

Chris smiled.  “I found that kind of adorable, actually.”

 

“Well, it bothered me.  I don’t want to be so clingy and dependent.  I want to be with you because I love you, not because I’m too weak to survive on my own.”

 

“Dare, honey, you’re not weak.  You’re one of the strongest people I know.  Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and opening your heart up to another person, takes courage.  I know, because it scares me, too.  But I trust you with my heart, and you can trust me with yours.”

 

“I know I can trust you.  And I do.  But I needed to spend a little time alone this morning to make sure that I could still trust myself, too.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, you know that idea about love, where two half-people come together to make one whole person?  I’ve never felt comfortable with that.  I’ve always wanted to think of it as one whole person plus another whole person equaling one mathematically impossible but totally awesome super-person.”

 

Chris laughed.  “Dare, you’re a totally awesome ‘super-person’ all by yourself.”

 

Darren kissed him.  “Well, thanks.  I think you’re totally awesome and super, too.  But do you know what I mean, about not wanting to feel like I’m completely dependent on you?”

 

“Yeah.  I think it’s good to know that we can survive without each other.  But I think it’s even better knowing that we don’t have to.  Because whether I need you or not, I’m always going to want you in my life.”

 

“Me too.”           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone out there noticed a pattern? Every time I get another comment or more kudos, a new chapter magically appears. So, if you'd like to know what happens next, you know what to do... ;)


	34. "Did somebody say food fight?"

Sunday, August 17, 2008

 

By the time the boys made it back to the main camp for lunch, Chris was ravenous.  His stomach was complaining loudly about the fact that it had received nothing except a single bite of a bagel that morning.  He grabbed an apple and crunched into it as Darren started making sandwiches.

 

“Do you need any help?” Chris asked around a mouthful of apple.

 

“No, that’s okay.  You just sit there and look pretty while I do all the work,” Darren teased.

 

Chris shoved him playfully in the shoulder, causing him to smear mayonnaise across his hand. 

 

“Hey!” Darren warned.  “You do not want to get into a food fight with me, mister.  Because A – I will win, and B – Ian and Brad will totally kill us.”

 

Chris laughed.  “Okay.  Let me make it up to you.” 

 

He brought Darren’s hand to his mouth and licked off the mayonnaise.  Darren’s breath hitched, and Chris was about to lick him again when he heard Chord’s voice from the doorway.

 

“Did somebody say food fight?  Because I want in on that!”

 

“No!” Chris said quickly.  “We said we’re **not** going to have a food fight, because Brad and Ian would literally murder us in our sleep if they came back and found the kitchen trashed.  Sorry to burst your bubble, but I want to live.”

 

Chord laughed.  “Yeah, you’re probably right.  We do have to survive one more week here.  But maybe next weekend, right before we leave…”

 

Chris turned on Darren.  “See what you’ve started?”

 

“Me?  Who made me smear mayonnaise all over my hand?”

 

“Um, I think that was just you, being clumsy.”

 

Darren paused for a second, glaring at Chris.  Then he slowly and deliberately stuck his finger in the mayonnaise and swiped it down Chris’s nose.  “Oooops.  Guess I was clumsy again.”

 

“You did **not** just do that.”

 

“Oh yes he did,” Chord said from the doorway.  “Get him!”

 

“Oh, I’ll get him all right.  But I’ll wait ‘til there are no witnesses,” Chris replied darkly.

 

Darren paled, and Chris winked at him.  “I’m too hungry to fight.  Are you almost done with those sandwiches?”

 

Darren quickly slapped some turkey, lettuce, and cheese on a sandwich and handed it to Chris.  “You’re a little scary when you haven’t eaten.  Did you know that?”

 

Chris gave him an enigmatic smile, before taking a bite of the sandwich.  “Well, then it’s a good thing that you know how to keep me fed.”

 

 

After lunch, the boys headed back to the bunkhouse.  Chris took Darren’s hand as they walked.  “We didn’t get to have our usual Sunday morning cuddle time.  Think I can talk you into Sunday afternoon, instead?”

 

“I was counting on it.”

 

Once they reached the bunkhouse, Chris said, “I did laundry this morning and changed the sheets.  Would you mind if we showered before getting in bed?”

 

“No problem.  Oh – you did mine, too.  Thanks!”

 

“You’re welcome.  I figured it would do me good to keep busy, instead of sitting around worrying.”

 

“I’m sorry about that.”

 

“I know.  It’s okay,” Chris said, giving him a kiss and pulling off his shirt.  “Now go get in the shower, so my freshly washed sheets don’t end up smelling like a horse.”

 

Soon both boys were clean and dry, cuddled up naked on Chris’s bunk.  Chris rolled onto his back, and Darren settled on top of him.  Chris raised his head, bringing their lips together in a sweet kiss.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Suddenly Chris got a wicked gleam in his eyes.  Wrapping his arms tightly around his boyfriend, he rolled them over, then grabbed Darren’s wrists and pinned them above his head.

 

“You didn’t think I’d forget about the way you smeared mayonnaise down my nose, did you?” he growled.  “It’s time to continue that food fight, and **you’re** going to be the food.”

 

With that, he gave Darren a sharp little nip on the shoulder.  Darren let out a faint noise of protest, but Chris could tell he didn’t mean it by the way his pupils had dilated and his cock had instantly hardened between them. 

 

Gripping his boyfriend’s wrists more tightly, Chris nipped his way up the side of Darren’s neck.  Darren squirmed beneath him, rubbing their cocks together.  Chris ground his hips down, sucking Darren’s lower lip into his mouth, and causing his boyfriend to moan and thrust up against him. 

 

Releasing Darren’s lip, Chris nibbled his way down the other side of his boyfriend’s neck to his collarbone.  Looking up through his eyelashes, Chris asked, “Is it okay if I give you a hickey?”

 

Darren’s next moan sounded like assent, so Chris went to work, sucking a mark into his boyfriend’s skin.  Pulling back to admire his handiwork, Chris smiled down at Darren before lowering his head to lick over the dark patch he’d created. 

 

Darren struggled to free his wrists, but Chris held fast.  “Kiss me,” Darren panted out.

 

Chris brought their lips together, kissing Darren deep and slow.  He began rocking his hips in a steady rhythm, sliding their cocks together, until he felt his boyfriend come apart beneath him.  That was all it took to push Chris over the edge as well.

 

Finally releasing Darren’s wrists, Chris brought his hands to his boyfriend’s face as he dipped down to kiss him.  Raising himself back up, he asked teasingly, “See what happens when you challenge me to a food fight?”

 

Darren grinned back up at him.  “I **told** you I’d win.”


	35. "Get a room!"

Sunday, August 17 – Saturday, August 23, 2008

 

The last week of camp was full of bittersweet experiences for Chris and Darren.  On Sunday afternoon they met their final crop of new campers.  With each lesson they taught, they found themselves counting down the days until the end of summer with a mixture of nostalgia and anticipation.

 

On Tuesday evening, Chris realized with a pang that this was the last time that Darren would return from the campfire bringing him s’mores.  On Thursday, when it was his turn to attend the campfire on his own, Chris doubled up on the chocolate and marshmallows, wanting his final little offering to Darren to be as delicious as possible.  His boyfriend’s delight with the simple gift gave Chris’s heart a strange sort of ache.

 

Everything they did that week seemed to be imbued with a special significance – the last time they went on a round up together, the last time they tossed out the hay, the last time they led a trail ride, the last riding tests they gave.  Chris found himself feeling vaguely sad, without really knowing why.

 

At noon on Saturday, as the cars carrying the final campers pulled out of the parking lot and disappeared down the driveway, Darren grabbed Chris in a tight hug, spinning him around.  “At last!” he cried.  “I’ve got a whole summer’s worth of resisting my PDA urges to make up for.”

 

Cupping Chris’s face in both hands, Darren gave him a kiss that left him breathless.  They were surrounded by the rest of the staff, but Chris couldn’t have cared less.  He brought his hands to Darren’s waist, pulling their hips together.  

 

“Get a room!” Mark called out teasingly.

 

“We’ve had a room all summer,” Darren retorted.  “What we haven’t had is the opportunity to make out in public.  So deal with it!”

 

There were a few whistles as Darren dove back in for another kiss.  Chris finally pulled away, feeling a little dizzy.  “Slow down, cowboy,” he told his boyfriend.

 

Darren laughed, taking his hand and pulling him toward the dining hall.  “Come on.  I heard we’re having pizza for lunch.”

 

 

After lunch, the entire staff changed into their swimsuits and headed out on the horses, bareback, toward the pond.  They spent the afternoon goofing around in the water – letting loose and roughhousing in a way that they hadn’t been able to do while they were responsible for the campers.

 

Brad and Ian excused themselves early so that they could go back and get started on the barbecue for dinner.  Chris and Darren stayed with the rest of their friends, alternately reminiscing about the summer, discussing future plans, and daring each other to do crazier and crazier stunts as they leaped off the high bank above the pond into the water.  

 

Around four o’clock, David suggested that they head back to the main camp, so that they’d have time to shower and change into dry clothes before dinner.  Once everyone was mounted up, Darren called out, “Race you!” and took off at a gallop.

 

Most of the staff held their horses back, not comfortable riding at full tilt bareback.  Chris had no hesitation, though.  He wrapped his fingers in Tucker’s mane, loosened the reins, leaned forward, and nudged the gelding with his bare heels.  Tucker took off like a shot, quickly catching Darren’s horse.  They pounded along, neck in neck, the boys clinging to their backs, breathless with exhilaration. 

 

“I don’t want to go crashing through the gate,” Chris yelled.  “First one past the oak tree at the top of the hill wins.”

 

“You’re on,” Darren challenged, urging his horse forward.

 

Tucker needed no encouragement.  He streaked along, Chris lying almost flat against his neck as they crested the hill a length ahead of Darren’s horse.  “Beat you!” Chris crowed triumphantly, sitting up and bringing Tucker to a walk.

 

Catching up, Darren grinned over at him.  “Yeah, well, I got a nice view of your ass at the end, there, so I think I won.”


	36. "I'll be your white knight, if you'll be my steed"

Saturday, August 23, 2008

 

Dinner that evening was a celebratory barbecue.  “Congratulations, everyone, on a job well done!” Ryan proclaimed, producing a couple of bottles of champagne with a flourish.  “Now, I can’t provide alcohol to minors,” (general discontented muttering) “so if you’re underage, you’ll have to pour your own drinks.”

 

The last part of his statement was greeted with cheers and applause.  Ryan popped the cork on the first bottle, pouring champagne for the staff members who were over 21.  He pointedly looked the other way as Jacob grabbed the second bottle and started pouring drinks for the rest.

 

Darren snagged two glasses, handing one to Chris.  When everyone had been served, Ryan held up his glass toward David and made a toast.  “Here’s to the successful completion of our first summer running this show.  And a world of thanks to all of you who helped to make it happen.  I hope you’ll all be back again next year.”

 

There was a chorus of “Here, here!” as they all raised their glasses in salute.  Chris had tasted champagne before, on New Year’s Eve, but never more than a tiny sip.  He found that it burned his tongue a little, but quickly produced a pleasantly warm, tingly feeling.  He and Darren clinked glasses, grinning at each other.

 

The barbecue was followed by the final campfire of the summer.  Ryan, Matthew, Mark, Chord, Jacob, and Darren took turns playing guitar.  Everyone was in a festive mood, calling out song requests and singing along loudly. 

   

As the evening wore on, the singing was interspersed with laughing conversations.  Chris turned to Darren.  “Would you play the song you sang at our first campfire?”

 

Darren immediately began the opening chords to Daydream Believer.  When he reached the line, “You once thought of me as a white knight on his steed,” he gave Chris a significant look.

 

Finishing the song to scattered applause, Darren leaned into Chris, murmuring, “I’ll be your white knight, if you’ll be my steed.”

 

It was apparent from Chris’s expression that he hadn’t grasped the full meaning behind his boyfriend’s words, so Darren elaborated.  “I want to ride you.”

 

Chris’s jaw fell open and a blush raced up his cheeks as he glanced around to see whether anyone had overheard.  Their friends were all talking and laughing amongst themselves, though, and no one seemed to have noticed that his face was suddenly on fire.  Pressing his lips to Darren’s ear, Chris whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”

 

Darren was up in a flash, calling out loudly to the group at large, “Well, Chris and I have had a really long day, so we’re heading to bed.  See you in the morning.”

 

This announcement was followed by quite a few catcalls and wolf whistles, as no one appeared to be buying the “it’s been a long day” excuse.  Darren shrugged off their friends’ reactions with a wink and a grin.  “Oh, hush.  You’re just jealous.”

 

“Damn right, we are!” Zach called.

 

Chris got to his feet and tugged on Darren’s hand, muttering “Stop egging them on.”  Then he addressed the others.  “Goodnight everybody.”

 

There was a chorus of goodnights, followed by a few more suggestive comments, as Chris and Darren left the campfire.  The boys held hands, giggling, as they half-skipped, half-ran back to their bunkhouse.

 

Once they’d kicked the door shut behind them, Darren pulled Chris into his arms.  “Dance with me.”

 

“We’ve never danced together before.  Is this another one of those ‘losing our virginities’ moments?”

 

“Mmm hmm,” Darren hummed, beginning to sway.

 

Chris leaned in close, pressing their cheeks together.  Darren’s humming took on a melody, and he began to sing quietly.  Chris recognized the song Darren had sung for him in San Francisco.  He joined in on the final chorus.

 

_Baby I'm not alone_

_Cause you're here with me_

_And nothing's ever gonna bring us down_

_Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you_

_And you know it's true_

_It don't matter what'll come to be_

_Our love is all we need to make it through_

 

As the song, and their dance, ended, Chris and Darren brought their lips together.  Chris couldn’t have explained it, but he felt as though some kind of a promise had been made, and sealed with a kiss.

 

With gentle fingers, Darren began undoing the buttons on Chris’s shirt, pausing to run his hands over each new bit of skin he exposed.  Chris shivered a little at his touch.  Tugging the bottom of the shirt out of Chris’s jeans, Darren finished with the last button.  He moved around behind Chris to remove the shirt and set it on the back of a chair.  Then he pulled Chris’s undershirt up over his head. 

 

Chris turned around to face his boyfriend, tugging Darren’s shirt off and bringing their bare chests together.  He loved the way Darren’s breath hitched whenever skin met skin.

 

Running his hands up and down Darren’s back, Chris nuzzled into his boyfriend’s neck, pressing little kisses under his ear.  Darren backed him toward the bed, holding out a hand to stop his head from bumping the top bunk.

 

Chris sat down on the bottom bunk, and Darren knelt in front of him to pull off his boots.  As Darren dug his thumbs into the instep of each foot, Chris let out a pleased moan.  “That feels amazing…  I was about to say it was better than sex, but then I realized I’d be lying…  Still, it’s gotta come in a close second.”

 

Darren grinned up at Chris, pulling off his socks and planting a kiss on the tip of each toe as he continued to rub his feet.  Chris sighed, leaning back on his elbows.  “Your hands are magic.”

 

“If I wave them around and say ‘Alohomora’ do you think your zipper will just magically open?”

 

“Hmm… I think you might need to be a little more hands-on for that.”

 

Darren quickly took the hint, tugging off Chris’s jeans and boxers, and then hurriedly discarding the rest of his own clothes.  Chris pulled him down on the bed, tangling their legs together and running his hands down Darren’s back to his ass.

 

“I think **your** hands might be magic, too,” Darren murmured.

 

“Wonder what’ll happen if I wave them around and say ‘Accio lube’?”

 

Darren laughed.  “I think your boyfriend will grab everything we need from under the bed, and let your fingers do their magic.”

 

“Kiss me first.”

 

So Darren kissed him, deep and slow, pressing Chris into the bed with the weight of his body.  Then he reached for the lube and handed it to his boyfriend.  “Do you think you can finger me in this position, so I can get used to the angle?”

 

Chris smiled up at him.  “I can certainly try…”

 

With Darren straddling his waist, Chris brought his slicked-up fingers to his boyfriend’s ass.  He couldn’t see what he was doing, but by now they’d had enough practice that he figured he could do this with his eyes closed.  It didn’t take long before Darren was working himself down onto Chris’s fingers enthusiastically, experimenting with leaning forward and back to find the angle that felt best.

 

Soon he stilled, asking, “Can I ride you now?”

 

“Oh, god, yes.”

 

Darren grabbed a condom, rolling it down over his boyfriend’s cock before coating it with lube.  It took a couple of tries for him to line himself up so that he could sink down over Chris’s cock.  Chris gasped as Darren’s tight heat finally surrounded him.

 

Everything felt different to Chris in this position – partially the physical sensations, but mostly the release of control.  He lay back, allowing Darren to set the pace, moaning as his boyfriend’s muscles clenched around him with his every rise and fall. 

 

As Darren tipped forward, Chris stretched up to meet him in a messy kiss.  He could feel the heat coiling inside him.  Dropping his head back onto the pillow, Chris reached for his boyfriend’s cock, stroking it in time with Darren’s rhythm.  

 

Darren groaned, arching his back and squeezing down tightly as he increased his pace.  His cock jerked in his boyfriend’s hand as he came, hot and wet, across Chris’s chest.  The muscles in Darren’s ass contracted sharply, dragging a cry from Chris’s throat as he, too, shuddered and came hard. 

 

Darren raised himself up slightly to allow Chris to slip out, then collapsed against his boyfriend’s chest.  They lay together, panting, as their heart rates gradually returned to normal. 

 

“Okay,” Chris said, once he’d caught his breath enough to speak, “I have no idea what I was thinking earlier.  There is **no** comparison between sex and a foot rub.  Your ass truly **is** magic.”


	37. "I don't want to say goodbye."

Sunday, August 24 – Tuesday, August 26, 2008

 

Chris awoke on Sunday to the feeling of Darren’s lips, warm against his shoulder.  He let out a pleased little hum, rolling over onto his back and pulling his boyfriend into a languid kiss.  He could feel Darren smiling against his lips.

 

“Good morning.”

 

“I can’t believe it’s our last morning at camp.”

 

“Well, let’s make it one to remember,” Darren murmured, kissing his way down Chris’s neck.

 

Chris hummed his assent, and Darren slid his tongue over to one taut nipple.  Chris shuddered, still a little surprised by how good that always felt.  He arched up into his boyfriend’s lips.

 

As Darren began trailing his kisses lower and lower, though, Chris tangled his fingers in his curls and pulled him back up.  “I know it’s crazy to pass up the opportunity for a blow job,” he said, “but I just feel like you’re too far away down there.”

 

Darren smiled at him, sliding up and bringing their bodies flush together.  “I know what you mean.  It feels really good to hold you like this.”

 

Chris brought their lips together, soft and gentle.  Darren responded in kind, kissing back sweet and slow.  The boys lay like that for a long time, trading kisses that gradually deepened from tender to passionate. 

 

Eventually, Darren began rolling his hips down, sliding their cocks together.  Chris brought both hands to his boyfriend’s ass, squeezing rhythmically with his every thrust.  Soon the boys were moaning and panting into each other’s mouths as they rutted together.  Chris came first, and Darren followed right behind him, hips stuttering.

 

Chris slid his hands up his boyfriend’s back, pulling him impossibly closer.  There was something so comforting about Darren’s weight on him, the full length of his body pressing Chris into the bed.  He released a heavy sigh.

 

Chris was just beginning to drift back to sleep when Darren started to roll off of him.  “Where are you going?” he asked, trying to hold his boyfriend in place.

 

“The farewell brunch starts in forty-five minutes, and I thought it might be kind of tacky to show up naked, covered in dried come.”

 

Chris laughed.  “Well, when you put it that way, I guess I should let you get up and hop in the shower.  Wake me up when you come out, okay?”

 

Darren kissed him before rolling out of bed.  Chris closed his eyes and allowed himself to doze.  It wasn’t long before he was awakened by a kiss.  “Okay, sleeping beauty, your turn to get ready for the ball.”

 

“I think you’re mixing up your fairy tales, there, honey.  Cinderella was the one who went to the ball.”

 

“Whatever.  You’re more like Prince Charming, anyway.  Just get your gorgeous fairy tale ass into the shower, so we can go have brunch.  I’m starving!”

 

“I guess you burned up a lot more calories than usual, being on top, huh?  You’re used to just lying back and letting me do all the work,” Chris teased.

 

“Shut up and get in the shower,” Darren said, but he was smiling.

 

 

Brunch was a bittersweet affair, filled with talk and laughter, hugs and promises to keep in touch.  Once they’d said farewell to all of their friends, there was nothing left for Chris and Darren to do but return to their bunkhouse to pack up.          

 

It didn’t take long to get everything into their cars.  Closing the door to the place that had been their home all summer, the boys stood together awkwardly, not knowing how to leave.

 

Darren broke the silence.  “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

 

“It’s not _goodbye_ , it’s just _see you in a couple of days_.”

 

“Yeah, but a couple of days is a long time.  We haven’t been apart for more than a couple of **hours** this whole summer.”

 

“I know.  And I don’t like this any more than you do,” Chris admitted.  “But I’m trying to put on a brave front, here, so please do the same, before you make me cry.”

 

Darren gave him a watery smile.  “Okay.  See you in a couple of days, then,” he said, pulling Chris into a fierce hug.

 

Forcing himself to let go was one of the hardest things Chris had ever had to do.  With one last squeeze, and a final “I love you,” he released his boyfriend and got into his car.  He couldn’t bear to look in the rearview mirror as he drove away, knowing that Darren would stand there watching until his car was out of sight.  He blinked away the sudden wetness in his eyes, reminding himself that he’d see Darren again soon.

 

 

As it turned out, Chris barely had time to focus on how much he missed Darren in the whirlwind of the next couple of days.  Although he’d expected to have a quiet dinner with his family on Sunday night, a bunch of his relatives showed up for an impromptu welcome-back-from-camp/going-away-to-college party.  The raucous family gathering kept him completely occupied until bedtime.  

 

Chris spent most of the day on Monday sorting through his things, boxing up the stuff he wanted to ship to Michigan, and packing the rest of what he’d need for his road trip.  He’d checked out Google Maps, and it looked like it would be a 34-hour drive to Ann Arbor regardless of whether he and Darren left from Clovis or San Francisco.  Since Chris was the one with the new vehicle, the boys had decided to leave Darren’s car behind in San Francisco.  Chris planned to spend Tuesday night at his boyfriend’s house, and then they’d leave together on Wednesday morning.

 

Chris had mixed feelings as he said goodbye to his parents and little sister on Tuesday afternoon.  He knew he would miss them, but his sadness was tempered by excitement about seeing Darren again.  Over the summer he had grown used to being away from his family, but the unfamiliar experience of being away from his boyfriend was causing a constant, hollow ache in his chest.

 

The three-hour drive to San Francisco was uneventful, but seemed to Chris (impatient as he was to see his boyfriend) to take forever.  He had to keep reminding himself that he and Darren had only spent one full day apart.  It was hard to imagine how they had ever survived those years when they had to go from the end of one summer to the beginning of the next with nothing but letters.

 

At last Chris arrived at Darren’s house, parking his car and remembering to curb the wheels so he wouldn’t get a ticket.  He had barely set foot on the sidewalk when his boyfriend came flying down the stairs and caught him up in a whirling hug.  Chris was almost knocked off his feet.  He staggered, trying to keep his balance as Darren simultaneously squeezed, spun, and jumped up and down, laughing like a maniac. 

 

Chris started laughing, too, his whole body flooding with relief at finally being back in Darren’s arms.  “God, I missed you!” 

 

“Let’s never spend that long apart again.”

 

“Never.”  


	38. "I guess it means the universe wants us to be together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for all of you lovely readers who've encouraged me to keep writing...

Tuesday, August 26 – Friday, August 29, 2008

 

After their exuberant reunion on the sidewalk outside Darren’s house, the boys forced themselves to tone things down for the rest of the evening, since Darren’s parents were both home.  Cerina and Bill welcomed Chris with open arms, and Chris was surprised at how pleased he was to see them again.

 

When it came time for bed, Chris retired to the guest room and waited for Darren to sneak down to join him.  Once Darren had tiptoed into the room and eased the door closed, Chris grabbed him and flung him down on the bed.  Darren landed with a surprised “oomph” and Chris pounced on him, kissing him wildly. 

 

Darren made a low, desperate noise in the back of his throat, and Chris pulled away slightly.  “Shh.  I don’t want to get caught.”

 

“My parents’ bedroom is way at the other side of the house, remember?  They’re not going to hear us.”

 

“Honey, I don’t think you realize how loud you get.”

 

“Well whose fault is that?”

 

Chris smiled at him.  “Hey, I’m not complaining.  I love the sounds you make.  I’d just rather hear them at a time when I’m not worried about your parents bursting in here and kicking me out on the street.”

 

“You know my parents love you.”

 

“Yeah, maybe, but they’re Catholic.  They believe in that whole ‘wait until you’re married’ thing.  Which, if those crazy Prop 8 hate-mongers have their way, may be never.”

 

Darren looked at him, suddenly serious.  “Have you thought about that?  About us getting married someday?”

 

Chris felt flustered.  “Umm…  I know we’ve only been together as boyfriends for a couple of months, and we’re only 18, and – ”

 

Darren cut him off with a kiss.  “I’ve thought about it, too, you know.  As something in the future…  And I know we’re young, and in some ways we’ve only been together for a couple of months, but in other ways we’ve been together for ten years.  So whatever happens with the laws, or whether we ever decide to make it official, I know I want to be with you.”

 

Chris let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, moving forward to capture Darren’s lips in a kiss.  “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

 

The boys awoke early on Wednesday morning.  Chris quickly silenced his alarm, which he’d set to go off in plenty of time for Darren to sneak back to his own room before his parents got up. 

 

After a delicious breakfast, prepared by Cerina, the boys bid farewell to Darren’s parents and headed for the car.  “We’ve got a long trip ahead of us,” Darren said.  “Are you ready to do this?”

 

“So ready.”

 

Darren tossed his bags in the trunk and hopped into the passenger seat, fastening his seatbelt.  Chris slipped behind the wheel.  “Michigan, here we come…”

 

 

The boys drove 900 miles on the first day, taking interstate 80 all the way to Green River, Wyoming, where they stopped for the night at the Mustang Motel.  According to Google Maps it was a 13-hour drive, but since they’d stopped several times for meals and to stretch their legs, it was nearly midnight by the time they checked in. 

 

Chris was ready to collapse onto the bed, but Darren called to him from the bathroom, “Baby, there’s a tub in here.  Can you stay awake long enough to take a bath with me?”

 

Chris sighed.  “Yeah, that would probably be good.  I’m really stiff from sitting in the car all day.”

 

“Don’t sound so excited,” Darren teased.  “It’s not like this is another first-time for us, or anything.”

 

“Honey, if you think I’ve got the energy to do anything in that tub other than close my eyes and relax in the water, I’m sorry to say you’re going to be disappointed.”

 

Darren laughed.  “Not all of our first times have to be about sex.  Remember the octopus?”

 

Chris smiled, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and kissing the tip of his nose.  “I’m so glad you’re the one I lost my octopus virginity with.”

 

Darren brushed their noses together.  “Come on – let’s get out of these clothes and have a nice long soak.”

 

 

On Thursday, they covered another 930 miles on I-80, stopping at the Super 8 Motel in Newton, Iowa.  Once again, it was nearly midnight when they arrived, and this time both boys simply collapsed into bed.

 

On Friday morning Chris and Darren set off on the last leg of their journey.  They were cruising along in companionable silence, somewhere outside of Kalamazoo, when it happened… 

 

 

“Oh my god!” Darren cried suddenly, causing Chris to swerve.  “Did you see that van?”

 

“Darren!  Don’t startle me like that!  You almost made me hit the stupid van you’re yelling about.  I’m trying to keep my eyes on the road.”

 

“No, seriously, look!  Does that bumper sticker say **_‘CrissColferKlainePuppy’_**?”

 

Chris glanced over at the van that was keeping pace with his car in the lane next to them.  It was completely covered in bumper stickers.  Flitting his eyes back and forth between the highway and the bizarre vehicle, he saw, in addition to the bumper sticker Darren had already mentioned:

**_‘gorgeoushazeleyes’_ **

**_‘SharinaNoLastName’_ **

**_‘defend17’_ **

**_‘dancewithcrisscolfer’_ **

**_‘writingmisfit’_ **

**_‘gleekheart’_ **

**_‘kurtofsky4eva’_ **

**_‘BrittishGleek98’_ **

**_‘Theelderwand’_ **

**_‘EmilyCCChilds’_ **

**_‘DCandCC3x05’_ **

**_‘Iwaldo16’_ **

**_‘Tigerfire136’_ **

**_‘awayfromfeelings’_ **

**_‘gleekygirl’_ **

**_‘justafantasyfor’_ **

**_‘Doyouwanttosuckmyredvine’_ **

**_‘gabriellealouca’_ **

**_‘littleelephant’_ **

**_‘Jaz-lil-bai-kay’_ **

**_‘Always Klaine’_ **

**_‘gayhighfivesandbowties’_ **

**_‘dcriss16’_ **

**_‘Starkidgleekfreak’_ **

**_‘gleegurl26’_ **

**_‘I Do’_ **

**_‘thatonegirl’_ **

**_‘DareBearLover527’_ **

**_‘[paris_falls](../../../users/paris_falls)_ ** **_’_ **

**_‘[kari717](../../../users/kari717)’_ **

**_‘[Violeen](../../../users/Violeen)’_ **

**_‘[TOP7en](../../../users/TOP7en)’_ **

**_‘[Sorkabeth](../../../users/Sorkabeth)’_ **

**_‘[gleekydirectioner](../../../users/gleekydirectioner)’_ **

**_‘[Tery](../../../users/Tery)’_ **

**_‘[Gleeshipper](../../../users/Gleeshipper)’_ **

**_‘[nerdo](../../../users/nerdo)’_ **

**_‘gentlereader’_ **

**_‘Steph’_ **

**_‘Rikka’_ **

**_‘ilovesonlychriscolfer’_ **

**_‘Gleeshipper’_ **

**_‘Jaz’_ **

 

“Oh my god,” Chris breathed.  “This is so freaky.  I feel like we’re in an episode of _The Twilight Zone_.  Do some of those bumper stickers have our names on them?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“But what does it mean?”

 

“I guess it means the universe wants us to be together.”

 

“Or we’ve got some kind of crazed stalkers, and they’re following us in the world’s worst attempt at a stealth-van.”

 

Darren grinned at him.  “I like my theory better.”

 

“Oh, so do I.  I just think it’s less likely, is all.”

 

At that moment, the van pulled off at an exit.  Chris watched, bemusedly, as it disappeared in his rear-view mirror.

 

“Did that just happen?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“Weird.”

 

“Yep.  And totally awesome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who aren’t familiar with California politics, during the summer of 2008, when this story takes place, gay men and lesbians were legally able to get married in the state. An initiative constitutional amendment – Proposition 8 – was placed on the ballot, with the aim of taking away the rights of gay men and lesbians to marry. Prop 8 passed in November 2008. It was subsequently challenged in court. You can watch Chris Colfer performing in an incredibly powerful staged reading of transcripts from the trial at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kwBzbd9bHQ The appeal to this case is being considered by the United States Supreme Court right at this very moment. There will probably be a ruling next week. If you’re the praying sort, please pray for justice. If you’re not the praying sort, just wish really, really hard…
> 
> UPDATE: June 26, 2013 - The US Supreme Court has issued their ruling. We now have Marriage Equality in California!!! :D


	39. "Well, this should be interesting..."

Friday, August 29, 2008

 

Walking through the door into their suite at the University of Michigan, Chris and Darren felt like they were crossing the threshold into a whole new life. 

 

“Home sweet home,” Darren sang out, squeezing Chris’s hand.

 

Chris looked around.  They were standing in a small common room, with three open doors leading off of it.  At the far end of the room was the bathroom, and on either side lay a bedroom. 

 

“It looks like we’re the first ones here, so I guess we get our choice of rooms.  Let’s check them out.”

 

The room on the left had twin beds, two dressers, two desks with bookshelves, and a window in one wall.  The room on the right had identical furniture, but since it was a corner room, there were windows in two walls.  Chris and Darren looked at each other.  “This one!” they said simultaneously.

 

“And not just because of the windows,” Darren added.  “I bet the other one shares a wall with the suite next door.  With this one, we’ve got no neighbors to complain if we get a little noisy in the heat of the moment.”

 

Chris grinned at him.  “Well, unless our suitemates are hanging out in the common room.”

 

“Hey, if they don’t want to listen, they can go to their own room.”

 

Chris giggled.  “Or turn their music up.”

 

“Or wear earplugs,” Darren suggested.

 

“Or leave.”

 

“Or have even louder sex than we do.” 

 

Chris let out a bark of laughter.  “That might be hard to pull off,” he said, arching an eyebrow meaningfully at Darren.

 

“Hey, I’m not that loud.”

 

“Honey, it’s a good thing we’re not at camp anymore, ‘cause I think you were frightening the horses.”

 

With a gleam in his eye, Darren said, “Yeah?  Well I’ll bet I could make you scream loud enough that the people downstairs call the police.”

 

Chris barely had time to register his boyfriend’s words before Darren was pushing him down onto the nearest bare mattress, straddling his hips and kissing hungrily at his neck.  Chris’s moan was cut short by a voice from the doorway.

 

“Well howdy, roomies.  I see you two have already met.”

 

Darren rolled off of Chris, falling to the floor in a graceless heap.  Chris leapt up, face flaming. 

 

The boy in the doorway laughed, stepping forward with a hand extended in greeting.  “Sorry.  I didn’t mean to startle you.  I just thought I should introduce myself, since we’re going to be living together.  I’m Joey.”

 

Chris shook the proffered hand.  “I’m Chris,” he said.  Then, nodding at the floor he added, “And that’s Darren.”

 

Joey reached a hand down to help Darren to his feet.  “So did you two already know each other, or are you just a really fast worker?”

 

Before Darren could answer, another boy popped into the room.  “Hi!” he said.  “I’m Nick.  What’cha guys all doing in here?”

 

“Well, Darren was about to tell me whether Chris, here, is his boyfriend, or whether he’s just in the habit of jumping every hot guy he meets.”

 

Nick looked from Darren to Chris and back again.  “Wait, so are you guys gay?”

 

“Yeah.  Is that going to be a problem for you?”

 

“No – it’s perfect!  ‘Cause girls always want to be friends with gay guys, right?  So you two are going to be meeting all these girls, and bringing them back to the suite, and then we’ll be here, all straight and available.”  He glanced at Joey.  “Unless you’re gay, too.  In which case I totally lucked out, ‘cause I’ll be rooming with the world’s three greatest wingmen, and I’ll have all the girls to myself.”

 

“Sorry, dude, but I’m pretty sure I’m straight.  Although Chris **is** awfully cute when he blushes…”

 

Catching the menacing look Darren was shooting his way, Joey quickly held his hands up in a placating gesture.  “Just kidding!  Just kidding!  I really am straight.”  Then, brushing past Chris on his way to shake hands with Nick, he winked and said under his breath, “At least I have been so far…”

 

Resuming his normal tone of voice, Joey introduced himself to Nick, adding, “I guess you and I will be sharing the other room, since these two have already been doing unspeakable things on one of the beds in here.  C’mon, let’s go check it out.”

 

With a “see you later” to Chris and Darren, Joey and Nick left the room, deliberately shutting the door behind themselves. 

 

Chris looked at Darren.  “Well, this should be interesting…”

 

 

Later that evening, there was a tap at their door.  Chris opened it to find Joey standing there with a big grin on his face.  “Hey, Nick and I are going to order a pizza.  Do you guys want some?”

 

“That sounds great,” Chris said, stepping back to allow Joey to enter the room.

 

“I see you guys have been rearranging the furniture,” Joey said, glancing at the beds, which had been pushed together to create one king-sized mattress.  “Nick and I decided to stack ours up to make bunk beds, so we’d have more floor space.”

 

“We’ve been dealing with bunk beds all summer,” Darren told him.  “You’d better watch out – they can be dangerous.”

 

Joey laughed.  “Well, I doubt Nick and I are going to be doing quite as much rolling around as you guys, so I think we’ll be okay.”  Then, catching sight of the bookshelf, he exclaimed, “Hey!  You’ve got the whole Harry Potter series, too!  Nick and I were just laughing over how we each brought a complete set.”

 

“We’re obsessed,” Chris admitted.  “We’ve been reading the stories out loud to each other since we were ten.  We’re up to _The Half-Blood Prince_.”

 

“Did somebody say _Half-Blood Prince_?” Nick asked from the doorway.  “That’s one of my favorites!”

 

“Yeah,” Joey told him, “they’re just as into Harry Potter as we are.  Isn’t that great?”

 

“Yeah,” Nick agreed.  Then, spotting Darren’s guitar, he asked, “Which one of you plays?”

 

“I do,” Darren said.  “Although we’re both huge musical theater geeks.”

 

“No way!  Me and Joey, too!  You know what we should do?  We should write a Harry Potter musical!”

 

Chris’s eyes lit up.  “Darren, you’d make the perfect Harry Potter!”

 

“That would be totally awesome!”

 

Joey called out, “I’ve got dibs on playing Ron!”

 

“I see myself as more of a behind the scenes guy,” Nick said.  “What about you, Chris?”

 

“I don’t know.  Maybe I’d be one of the Weasley twins.”

 

Darren gave him an appraising look.  “No, Chris, you are **so** McGonagall.”

 

“I have never loved you more, Darren!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last two lines are a direct quote. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJtrvGOqrWQ So for all of you AVPM fans out there, just try to imagine adding in Chris as McGonagall. Wouldn’t that be totally awesome?


	40. "This is one more first time I'm ready to share with you."

Friday, August 29 – Saturday, August 30, 2008

 

Chris and Darren spent the rest of Friday evening in the common room, eating pizza, tossing around ideas for a Harry Potter musical, and getting to know their new suitemates.  By the time they said goodnight to Joey and Nick, all they wanted to do was curl up together and go to sleep.

 

 

Saturday evening was a different story.  Nick and Joey were out at a party (to which Chris and Darren had declined an invitation) and had said they didn’t plan to be back until the wee hours of the morning. 

 

It had been a week since Chris and Darren had last made love – first they’d been in different cities; then Chris hadn’t felt comfortable at Darren’s parents’ house; they’d been too exhausted while they were traveling; and the previous night Nick and Joey had kept them occupied until they literally couldn’t stay awake any longer.  Now, feeling well-rested, and with an entire evening of privacy stretching out before them, the boys planned to take full advantage of this golden opportunity.

 

They started out slowly, peeling each other’s clothes off in between kisses, running hands over each newly exposed bit of skin, getting reacquainted.  By the time they were naked, rolling around on their luxuriously king-sized bed, Chris had worked up the courage to say what had been on his mind for the past week.

 

“I want you inside me.”

 

Darren froze, staring at him with an almost comical mixture of surprise and desire.  “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I know that this is one more first time I’m ready to share with you.”

 

Darren brought up a hand to cup Chris’s cheek.  “Okay.  But you know that if there’s anything you’re not enjoying, you just tell me, and we’ll stop.  Right?”

 

“I know.  And that’s why I feel safe enough to try this.”

 

Darren looked concerned at his choice of words.  “Is this something you’re wanting to try for my sake, because - ”

 

Chris cut him off.  “No.  Not at all.”  Then he laughed.  “I mean, I hope you’ll enjoy it too, obviously.  But it’s not **just** for your sake.  It’s something I really want to experience with you.”

 

Darren brought their lips together, and Chris was touched by the tenderness of his kiss.  Wrapping his fingers in the curls at the nape of Darren’s neck, Chris pulled his boyfriend closer, deepening their kiss from sweet to passionate.

 

Eventually Darren began kissing his way down Chris’s neck, pausing to tongue at the hollow of his throat before continuing on to his chest.  As Darren’s lips found his nipple, Chris arched up to meet him.  Each flick of Darren’s tongue sent sparks shooting through him.

 

Chris moaned as Darren nibbled teasingly down to his navel, licking inside before sliding lower.  When his boyfriend’s mouth closed around his cock, Chris’s hips bucked up reflexively.  Darren anchored him with a steadying hand.

 

All too soon, Darren was pulling away.  Chris whimpered slightly at the loss of contact.  Darren smiled up at him.  “Can I get you to turn over?”

 

Chris nodded, rolling onto his stomach.  He felt Darren’s hands on his ass, followed by a string of light kisses.  Chris wriggled a little as Darren spread his cheeks apart, feeling exposed.  He jerked suddenly as something warm and wet slid up his crack.

 

“Oh my god!  What are you doing?!?”

 

“I’m tasting you.”

 

“You’re what?!?”

 

“Tasting you.  Can I do it again?”

“Um…  Okay.”

 

Chris tried to hold still, but it was impossible with Darren licking at him, first experimentally, and then with greater purpose.  Chris squirmed on the bed as Darren’s tongue began probing more deeply.  His hips couldn’t seem to figure out what they wanted – first grinding his cock down against the mattress, then thrusting his ass back against his boyfriend’s tongue.

 

“Okay, okay, you’ve gotta stop,” Chris gasped out.  “You’ve gotta stop or you’re gonna make me come.”

 

Darren pulled away slightly, giving Chris one last kiss on each cheek.  “Okay, roll back over.”

 

Chris did so, having a little difficulty getting his limbs to cooperate.  Darren grabbed a pillow, folded it up, and wedged it beneath his hips, before reaching for the lube.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

Chris nodded, unable to find his voice.  The sight of Darren slicking up his fingers gave Chris a strange, swooping sensation in his stomach.  He reached for his boyfriend’s free hand, interlacing their fingers.  Darren gave him a reassuring squeeze.  “I think you’re really going to love this.  God knows I always do.  But if anything doesn’t feel good to you, just let me know, okay?”

 

Chris nodded again, returning the pressure of Darren’s hand.  He sucked in a sharp breath as Darren gently pushed a finger inside him.  It was an odd sensation, and he couldn’t quite tell whether he liked it or not. 

 

After sliding his finger in and out a couple of times, Darren asked, “Is it okay if I try two?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Chris gasped as Darren pushed back in with two fingers, muscles contracting involuntarily at the unfamiliar stretch.  He was about to ask his boyfriend to hold still for a moment to let him adjust, when Darren crooked his fingers up and made him lose the power of speech.

 

“Hnnngggghhhh…”

 

Darren grinned at him, pressing his fingers in more deeply, dragging them over Chris’s prostate, making him cry out as his body convulsed.  The intensity was both too much and not enough, leaving Chris begging an incoherent chant of _please, please, Darren, please_ …

 

Darren stilled his fingers, stretching forward to kiss at Chris’s open mouth.  “Shhh, baby, it’s okay.  I’ve got you.  Just tell me what you need.”

 

“God, I want you to fuck me.”

 

Darren’s pupils dilated, and Chris could feel his boyfriend’s cock twitch where it lay pressed against his hip.  “I’d love to, but I feel like you’re still really tight, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

“Well, then, hurry up and stretch me out, because I can’t wait much longer.”

 

Darren gave him one last, lingering kiss, before moving back down between his legs.  Chris let out a small noise of protest as Darren removed his fingers to coat them with more lube. 

 

When Darren pushed back in with three fingers, Chris bit down hard on his own lip, afraid that his boyfriend would stop if he allowed any sound of pain to escape.  The stretch was intense, but as Darren’s mouth sank down around his cock, Chris could feel his body yielding, gradually accepting his boyfriend’s fingers, then welcoming them deeper. 

 

It wasn’t long before Chris could feel a familiar tension building within him.  He tugged at Darren’s hair.  “Honey, stop,” he panted.  “I don’t wanna come until you’re inside me.”

 

Darren looked up at him from beneath those unfairly long, dark eyelashes.  “Are you ready?”

 

“Oh, god, yes.”

 

Chris winced a little as his boyfriend pulled his fingers free, and Darren gave him an apologetic smile.  “Sorry, baby.  I always hate that part, too,” he murmured, reaching for a condom.

 

Chris held out a hand to stop him.  “Could you maybe not use that?  Neither of us has ever been with anyone else, and I just really want to feel you…”

 

Darren hesitated for a second, then tossed the condom aside and grabbed the bottle of lube instead.  He squeezed out a dollop into his hand, thoroughly coating his cock, and then stroking his slippery hand along the length of Chris’s cock, as well, swiping his thumb teasingly over the head.

 

Chris was too far gone to feel embarrassed about the needy sound he let out.  He watched impatiently as Darren withdrew his hand and used it to line himself up with Chris’s entrance.  The boys locked eyes as Darren slowly pushed inside.

 

Chris’s breath puffed out in short, sharp bursts.  Darren’s cock was just so much _more_ than his fingers – the size, the heat, the intimacy was overwhelming.  It wasn’t until Darren asked, “Baby, are you crying?” that Chris became aware of the tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

 

Smiling up into his boyfriend’s worried face, Chris answered, “No.  I promise.  I just love you so much, I guess it’s spilling out.” 

 

“God, I love you too.”

 

Darren leaned down for a kiss, and Chris lifted his head to meet him, suddenly hungry for his boyfriend’s lips.  Wrapping both arms and legs tightly around Darren’s body, Chris pulled him even closer, erasing all boundaries between them.   

 

An endless time later (or maybe it had only been a few minutes) Chris felt Darren laughing against his mouth.  Pulling away slightly, Darren grinned down at him.  “This feels really amazing, but do you think you could loosen your grip a little so that I could move?”

 

With one last kiss, Chris dropped his head down on the pillow, relaxing his hold to allow Darren to slide partway out before sinking back in.  He moaned as Darren adjusted the angle, finding his prostate.  Soon Darren was rocking his hips with a steady rhythm, and Chris could feel himself falling apart.  The pleasure was so deep, he didn’t know how he could bear it.  

 

As Darren continued thrusting into him, Chris lost all voluntary control of his body.  He lay writhing helplessly on the bed, ass clenching, cock twitching, breath coming in ragged gasps, low, animal noises being dragged from somewhere deep in his chest.  It was terrifying and glorious and he never wanted it to end. 

 

Chris could feel himself unraveling, releasing everything to which he’d ever clung.  Every tightness within him was softening, dissolving, until his whole being was laid bare and open.  And Darren was there, filling him and surrounding him.  Everything was love, and nothing hurt. 

 

Everything was love.


	41. Epilogue - "Do you know what means the most to me?"

Sunday, August 31, 2008

 

Chris lay in Darren’s arms, utterly content.  He saw all the love he felt mirrored in his boyfriend’s eyes.  His voice was soft but steady as he spoke what was in his heart. 

 

“In the ten years since we first met, we’ve been playmates and pen pals, confidants and coworkers, bunkmates and boyfriends.  We’ve lost our virginities together in more ways than I can count.  And each time, I felt like we couldn’t possibly get any closer – until the next time, when we did.  But through all of that, and everything that’s to come, do you know what means the most to me?”

 

“That we’re still best friends?”

 

“That we’re still best friends.”   

 

 

_The End._


	42. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, at the end of all things...

This isn’t a real chapter — just a bit of self-indulgence on my part, for which I apologize — but I couldn’t resist.  I think Ryan Murphy is stalking me.  The very last Klaine duet ever was the song from which I took the title of this story.  And Kurt and Blaine were singing it while lying down on the exact same rug that I have in my classroom.  Coincidence?  I’ll leave that up to you to decide…  ;) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m currently grieving over the end of Glee, and I’d guess that many of you are, as well. I hope that this story managed to cheer you up a little. And I’ll bet you know what would cheer me up… Comments and Kudos! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment. :)


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